You’re aware, I know you are, that the Burgh has the current reigning champions of the Women’s Football League … The Pittsburgh Passion.
I stumbled upon a telecast of their game against the D.C. Divas last week and If I’m being honest the reason I stayed on the channel in the first place was because I was stunned at the odd shape of the DC Divas’ quarterback’s ass. Just very weird. I had to stop and stare. Then I noticed some women as big as Cabbage Patch Baby Cici Donna making some very ferocious tackles, so I decided to watch for a bit.
If you, like me previously, thought watching women’s football would consist of wobbly passes and cat-scratch girl-fight tackles that seem to be missing some lingerie and a pillow, boy, are you wrong. Take a look at this pass and beautiful catch.
See the spiral? See the determination to make the catch inbounds? See that those are WOMEN?!
Know what doesn’t rule? Their mascot.
Well, now we know what the lovechild of Steely McBeam and The Bride of Chucky would look like.
I think a good rule of thumb to follow when you’re deciding on a mascot is this: Fake animals (parrots, penguins) are fuzzy, lovable, and adorable. Fake foam people-heads with dead eyes are scary. Always.