Dear jerk in the white Land Rover.

Hiya, jerk in the white Land Rover?

First, you are aware that your car looks like a small ambulance aren’t you and that if they smacked any other logo on it, say a Saturn logo or a Ford logo, that you’d think it to be quite an unattractive, oddly shaped hunk of metal?

Second, you’re not a bad-looking business-suited 30-something man.

Can I ask? What is it you plan to do with the 3.5 seconds of time that you saved by careening around me at the merge instead of waiting your turn, thereby almost clipping my front end when you cut unexpectedly in front of me causing me to slam on my brakes and causing the other drivers in line to shake their heads at your asshattedness?

Will you pick your nose with those 3.5 seconds? Run your fingers through your hair? Adjust your donkey omelets? Change your radio station? Take a swig of coffee?

Or maybe you were planning to accumulate these little tiny chunks of saved time and do something really great with them at the end of the year, something like paying a bill or downloading some porn. Or curing cancer maybe?

It is jerks like you and your I’m more important because I have this here higher-priced conveyance and my time is more precious than your time and therefore it’s perfectly fine for me to cut in front of you and go about my merry way until such a time as I’ve accumulated the necessary hours to maybe look in the mirror and realize that I’m a pretentious prick, that make me question the veracity of this report.

And I’ll question the veracity of that report again on my way home when I watch some poor clueless soul put their blinker on while sitting on the Parkway East, thinking that someone will let them change lanes, but they don’t realize that doing so would mean that THAT particular pretentious prick would lose out on his own saved 3.5 seconds of time.

You know what PittGirl does? When I see a blinker, I let them in with a wave and a smile. Gasp! And the look of gratitude on their faces at such unexpected kindness is well worth those lost 3.5 seconds of time that I could have used to kick an additional pigeon.

Quit being a jerk and no, that hot chick in the car behind you that held up her super hot cell phone to snap a picture of you was NOT me.

Yours,

PittGirl





28 Comments

  1. john
    May 14, 2008 10:13 am

    I hate him too!



  2. RavishingRick
    May 14, 2008 10:16 am

    PittGirl ,did you stop to think that it was you he was trying to get away from? maybe you were playing with the radio,or fixing your hair, applying more war paint,or do what you do best GABBING ON THE CELL PHONE!!!

    Have a nice day



  3. RavishingRick
    May 14, 2008 10:40 am

    “and no, that hot chick in the car behind you that held up her super hot cell phone to snap a picture of you was NOT me.”

    How do you know the girl that took this picture was HOT
    Maybe she was rather portly and on the fuggly side??



  4. blech
    May 14, 2008 10:53 am

    My favorite road rage incident involved a Mercedes 350 with one of those license plates with an otter on it, McKnight Road and a woman with very crunch hair who rolled back her sun roof and then proceeded to stick her hand AND her middle finger out of it to flip ME off because I thwarted her attempt to side swipe me while she tried to illegally switch lanes in the middle of the intersection to get around a bus.
    She then proceeded to slam on her brakes and speed up and continued this until she almost t-boned a bus to get on the north park exit.

    I feel for you PittGirl. I say, call the cops!



  5. back in the burgh
    May 14, 2008 11:28 am

    It’s the nice people like you, PittGirl, who gave Pittsburgh the nicest-drivers award. While there are more than enough asshat drivers here, there are a lot of people who let people in/out/switch lanes. I’ve had out-of-town friends comment on it, actually. I ALWAYS let someone in, or make a left in front of me if they’re first at a stoplight, or stop traffic for 5 seconds to let them turn left out of the parking lot. And I ALWAYS say to my kids, “See, that’s how you should drive … thinking of other people. Good karma.” Are you listening Mr. Land Rover?



  6. A-Rod
    May 14, 2008 11:42 am

    cool…she said donkey omeletes.

    I love those!



  7. unsatisfied
    May 14, 2008 11:46 am

    where the hell are the cops when something like this happens?

    I’ll tell you where — they’re at the bottom of the big hill on I-70 before you come into breezewood from the south, pulling my ass over for being 15 miles over the speed limit at 1030pm on a sunday night with no other cars around.

    “protect and serve”, my ass.

    donkey omelettes.



  8. JamieO
    May 14, 2008 12:11 pm

    RavishingRick – nice Range Rover. Try not to clip the front end of Pittsburgh’s best blogger, though. K? Thanks.

    unsatisfied – When I used to traverse the Turdpike on my way to and from Pittsburgh to my parents’ house in York, PA, the Breezewood cop was as much of a given as ginormous pieces of tire rubber in the shoulder and angry road-raging New Jersey drivers. There is ALWAYS one there.

    PittGirl – Asshats on the road are one of my biggest pet peeves. For example, big SUVs attempting to mate with my Altima from behind while I am going 5-10 over the speed limit. Just because you can’t plan your own life properly, Asshats, don’t put mine in danger.



  9. Sparky
    May 14, 2008 12:33 pm

    PG–when you decide you need a restraining order (TRO in the biz) against RavishingRick, let me know.



  10. RavishingRick
    May 14, 2008 12:50 pm

    I love when people bash me



  11. retiredguy
    May 14, 2008 1:11 pm

    where the hell are the cops when something like this happens?

    I’ll tell you where — they’re at the bottom of the big hill on I-70 before you come into breezewood from the south, pulling my ass over for being 15 miles over the speed limit at 1030pm on a sunday night with no other cars around.

    So you were speeding, right?

    The one thing I truly miss since retiring is giving tickets to people who desperately need them. I always loved the “why are you getting me? Why aren’t you going after drug dealers, blah blah blah”.

    Don’t speed and you won’t get a ticket. Don’t shoot at police and their K-9 and you won’t get shot.

    Simple



  12. Momma Bean
    May 14, 2008 1:25 pm

    I found your blog because my husband and I are contemplating a move to Pitt. In the Bay Area, this is standard operating procedure. You are expected to cut in front of people and drive 80MPH on the highway.

    This post gives me hope: maybe Pitt won’t be that bad after all :-) Yay for courteous drivers!



  13. PittinDC
    May 14, 2008 1:44 pm

    And to think, I was excited to get out of DC and head back home for the weekend. This is not making me excited for my trip up.



  14. unsatisfied
    May 14, 2008 2:11 pm

    JamieO — I knew that as well. I was behind schedule and a bit frazzled. such is life.

    retired guy — I sincerely appreciate having you previously serve as one of our defenders (in spite of the snottiness of my above post about “P&S” — I was in a mood).

    but, with all due respect, a speeding ticket in that instance is a JOKE.

    I figure that jackholes like mr. range rover this morning are far more deserving of the attention of law enforcement than me seeing what my black widow can do on a late sunday night on a deserted turnpike.



  15. McSmooth
    May 14, 2008 2:20 pm

    People that are responsible and want to change lanes in an orderly manner?

    No problem.

    People that see a long line of cars, rush up to the front, and want to merge in at that point?

    Suck it.



  16. north sider
    May 14, 2008 2:50 pm

    McSmooth – that is my biggest pet peeve. In that case, I NEVER let them in. I can’t stand that. Like the jerk in the white Range Rover, they think they’re entitled and can’t wait like everyone else. It makes me mad just thinking about it.



  17. coolmommy123
    May 14, 2008 3:03 pm

    JamieO:

    PittGirl – Asshats on the road are one of my biggest pet peeves. For example, big SUVs attempting to mate with my Altima from behind while I am going 5-10 over the speed limit.

    I’m assuming that you’re in the slow lane, and that the asshat is truly an asshat. However, if you are cruising in the fast lane, that’s a bit annoying and I can see why someone might come up on your heiny. Even though I’m not a big speeder, I like to see a passing lane used for passing. Just my 2 cents.



  18. CS Keys
    May 14, 2008 3:41 pm

    Props to all the nice folks who let me merge off of Banksville onto the Parkway West going into town!



  19. retiredguy
    May 14, 2008 7:22 pm

    Unsatisfied,

    I agree. Mr. Range Rover needed one for reckless driving. Unfortunately a police officer can’t be everywhere. I’ll bet that he already has gotten several tickets and is probably a high insurance risk. If not, he’ll get got.



  20. Steeler_tom
    May 14, 2008 10:34 pm

    OOOHHHHH! I see a oppertunity here!
    Every time PittGirl mentions Donkey Omlets

    We should drink!

    Anybody wanna 2nd the motion?



  21. MH
    May 14, 2008 11:12 pm

    Hey, that’s my on-ramp.



  22. captain dummy
    May 15, 2008 8:13 am

    i drive a 2003 focus… when i’m merging and someone behind me (usually an expensive car) tries to cut in first (usually at the swissvale outbound onramp), i just cut them off hard! haha. let them deal with whatever happens… call me an ass!

    also, sorry everybody, when i see a line of traffic and a lane that is EMPTY but has a sign that says merge in “x-amount of feet”… i use that lane all the way to the merge point…

    and i love when people complain about getting a speeding ticket. you realize a) you were speeding and b) the officer/trooper is doing his/her job right?



  23. bucdaddy
    May 15, 2008 9:37 am

    McSmooth, Hear! Hear! If you were in a long checkout line at the grocery store and somebody tried to push to the head of the line, everybody’d beat the crap out of him, and rightly so. But in a construction merge on the highway, people think it’s perfectly OK to zoom all the way to the front and then expect everyone in the correct lane to let them in. Why I always ride the bumper of the guy in front of me in that situation. Unless I’m feeling generous. And I rarely feel generous.



  24. Pingback: Peter Grigor » Bad Drivers in Pgh? Nah…

  25. spoon
    May 15, 2008 11:11 am

    Lushie asked for this to be posted last month when her rage for driving on Parkway north during rush started to boil over.

    http://www.douglasderda.com/blog/2008/04/25/lushies-driving-lesson-101/

    This is still one of my favorite examples of a dumbass driving in Pittsburgh
    http://youtube.com/watch?v=KmegDvMNIR0



  26. spoon
    May 16, 2008 8:12 am

    I had this dumbass in front of me coming into town yesterday.

    http://brightkite.com/objects/2ac73af99a2f944a6f105dcc27280e5fd87491dd



  27. CUBS SUCK
    May 16, 2008 6:50 pm

    No worries, I lived in Chicago and if you let someone in traffic there, they give you a nice gesture with their middle finger. Not to mention the Cubs and their fans suck bad!



  28. Tom
    May 22, 2008 7:37 pm

    Frankly, If you are that peeved about driving and someone cutting you off, you shouldn’t be on the road. Further more, its a Land Rover Discovery Series One, and anything less then a Series Two Discovery doesn’t deserve to be mentioned let alone bitched about (And if you can’t tell the difference then you can’t lump all White Land Rover Discovery Series One drivers into the same catagory seeing as how 92% of all LRs are still on the road). Why you might ask? Because, you drive in one of the nicest cites on the face of the earth… why don’t you come out west where we have many, many more Land Rover Discoveries (One on every corner as my friend from Pittsburgh mentioned) and try and write that article here.