But what was SHE wearing?!?

An airline pilot was found hiding behind a shed wearing only flip-flops and a wristwatch as a nighttime romp in the woods with a flight attendant ended with both under arrest.

Jeffrey Paul Bradford, 24, of Pittsburgh and Adrianna Grace Connor, 24, both employees of Pinnacle Airlines Inc., were at a diner on the outskirts of Harrisburg on Sunday night before they apparently decided to walk into the woods, police said.

“They told the officer they wanted to go do it in the woods, essentially,” said Lower Swatara Township Police Sgt. Richard Brandt. “That’s the best answer they had.”

The two somehow became separated, and people who live in the neighborhood summoned police around 9:30 p.m., saying they had seen a naked man and an intoxicated woman.

A helicopter with heat-seeking equipment was called in, and Bradford was discovered hiding behind a shed shortly before midnight.

His only attire was a pair of flip-flops and a wristwatch.

Thoughts:

1. Thank you drunk naked people for lightening things up around here.

2. Thank you Associated Press for telling us not once, but TWICE that his only attire was flip-flops and a wristwatch. That way, just as the mental image of a dude standing naked in the woods with only flip-flops and a wristwatch on started to fade, BAM!, full-color high-res once again.

3. This wouldn’t be nearly as funny if he only wore flip-flops. It’s the image of the wristwatch AND the flip-flops that complete the ludicrousness of it.

4. I hope it was one of those big black calculator watches because then the mental image is even BETTER.

5. How the holy heck did they get separated while having sex in the woods? Were they scouting out the best possible place for the liaison? Did one of them leave to have a potty break in the woods and then lose their way back? Were they also separated from their clothing? Were they running from the Blair Witch and they figured they had a better chance if they split up? Did a coyote happen upon them and instead of staying and protecting her, did the pilot head for the hills? These are the questions.

6. I hope for their sakes that they got arrested AFTER they had sex, not before they got a chance to do it. I mean, if you’re going to risk your professional career and your good name to get naked in the cold and prickly forest, at least I hope you got some sex out of it. Make it a LITTLE bit worth it.

7. Was she naked and if so, was SHE wearing flip-flops, too?

8. Heat-seeking equipment. HAH! Write your own “well, they WERE in heat” joke.

9. I imagine Mr. Pilot wasn’t looking very thugalicious when he got arrested. It was all of 51 degrees at 10:00 on Sunday night in Harrisburg. Brrr.

10. If you were to survey 100 people and put the top five answers on the board to this question, “Name an uncomfortable place to have the naked bow-chicka-bow” at least 95% of the people are going to shout, “In the cold, prickly, scratchy forest, RICHARD!!!!!”

UPDATE: IT GETS BETTER!

Police were called to the 100 block of Richardson Road around 9:30 p.m. Sunday after township Fire Chief Robert Furlong heard noises outside his home and found an intoxicated woman inside the department’s Chevrolet Tahoe, arrest documents state.

Connor said she and Bradford had been at a diner along Eisenhower Boulevard and were walking to their motel room when they decided to stop in the woods for sexual contact, the documents state.

A woman who lives nearby in the 300 block of Summit Ridge called 911 to report a naked man came out from behind her parked car and asked her for a pair of shorts, police said.

Boy, you must really need sex if you can’t make it back to your warm hotel room with a soft bed and instead opt for the cold, prickly forest.





19 Comments

  1. KGC
    May 20, 2008 2:55 pm

    51 degrees and he thinks he’s going to have sex nekkid in the woods? Hah! (I know you know what I’m sayin’)



  2. marc
    May 20, 2008 3:05 pm

    “He tried to screw me some place very uncomfortable. ”

    “What? Like the back of a Volkswagen? …”



  3. captain dummy
    May 20, 2008 3:12 pm

    lol. great post! i wish it would have said he was caught wearing only those black shoes and high black socks… like a mailman! lol. much better image!

    funny, your cooment about the heat seeking camera too! hahaha

    …am i weird to think that sounds like a lot of fun though??? hee hee



  4. Mitch Cumstein
    May 20, 2008 3:30 pm

    Reminds me of the classic Newlywed Game q-and-a, “What’s the most uncomfortable place you ever had sex?”

    Husband – “I would have to say, up the butt.”

    And MOVING FORWARD, can we really trust this airline pilot’s judgment? There are a few professions out there where I really require impeccable character and judgment. Pilot’s got to be one of them.



  5. Pittsburgh Tom (in NJ)
    May 20, 2008 3:46 pm

    I like the fact that the article says “a naked man and an intoxicated woman” as if the guy wasn’t also intoxicated.

    Or does the fact that the man was naked and in public automatically imply “intoxicated” and therefore to add it to his description would be redundant?

    Also, if that is his shirt in the picture, it seems he’s a penguins fan. Think he could just say they were celebrating the big win?



  6. In Sewickley
    May 20, 2008 4:25 pm

    I went to HS with that pilot. He went to Moon HS.

    While I believe the story, I can’t believe he’s ever able to fly a plane. The airline said their pilots can’t drink 12 hours before a flight. How the hell does he ever fly?!?!?!?



  7. bucdaddy
    May 20, 2008 4:54 pm

    10 to 1 they belong to the mile-high club too.



  8. nc
    May 20, 2008 5:21 pm

    Stupid drunk people aside, I can’t believe the local cops found it necessary to use a police helicopter to make an arrest for public drunkenness.



  9. Monty
    May 20, 2008 6:08 pm

    Based on the pic, it looks like she’s a Saints fan.



  10. Bram R
    May 20, 2008 7:58 pm

    Maybe it’s outrageously, irresistibly kinky for two people who work on airplanes to do it on the ground.



  11. Gunn Lino
    May 20, 2008 8:49 pm

    Poison Ivy in them there woods too.



  12. coolmommy123
    May 20, 2008 10:14 pm

    Do you think the watch in the picture is the one that paired with the flip flops? Somehow, seeing the watch makes it possible to imagine him without his Penguins shirt, jeans, and jacket face. mwah ha ha. nekked. such sillyness. Actually, if you’re going to have sex outside, don’t you usually just temporarily pull down any clothes impeding the immediate sexy areas? No need to get TOTALLY NAKED, especially in the cold, prickly woods. They need to be schooled in outdoor sex. Not that I know…



  13. unsatisfied
    May 21, 2008 7:20 am

    he went to MOON HS?

    perfect.

    and, good question about having to use the heat-seeking equipment. thank you, law enforcement, for making wise use of our tax dollars to get this flip-flop-and-wristwatch-wearin’ and drunk-horny-gotta-do-it-in-the-woods jackholes.



  14. john
    May 21, 2008 7:24 am

    You have to give it up for the Penguins love reflected by his T SHIRT GO PENS!!



  15. Lawrence
    May 21, 2008 7:31 am

    I spent a few years living in a complex that had pilots that worked out of the Allegheny County Airport.

    I noticed two things:

    They all drank more than most of us …..

    They all had tons of stories about sex in places most of us would avoid – like the cold prickly forest.

    Which makes me believe cabin pressure changes and lack of oxygen at 20,000 feet may alter the normal brain patterns in pilots and flight attendants.



  16. Erin
    May 21, 2008 8:30 am

    It would be awesome if she was actually wearing the paper bag over her head.



  17. Kelli
    May 21, 2008 8:58 am

    Wow, I am so not mentioning this to my boss, who is flying out of the county airport tomorrow.

    Instead, we’ll focus on the good things, like how they (being the County Airport) washes your car for you when you park it there to fly out.



  18. Lawrence
    May 21, 2008 9:34 am

    The Allegheny County Airport is actually one of the better liked airports with the pilots that I know …. and houses some of the better local companies.

    …. but the stories they told me were entertaining, and I did hear about the car washing thing, which is definitely unique and cool. Must be something in the area … Dean Honda tends to wash your car when you get it worked on at their dealership and they are right next to the County Airport.



  19. jas
    May 22, 2008 8:04 am

    as a former rez of that boring metropolitan area, id speculate taht that was most likely the most excitement lower swatara twp. had seen in about 200 years.