They DO rawk!!

An email:

Hey Pittgirl,

I love your blog, and I just saw something I had to write you about… I play roller derby with the Steel City Derby Demons. The league had a game yesterday, and while I’d normally be there even though my team wasn’t playing, it was my grandma’s 90th birthday so I was out of town. Anyway, I checked our league forum today and saw a post entitled “The Ghost Whisperer.” Apparently, several of our skaters spotted David Conrad in attendance at our bout yesterday!!! How cool is that?!? I wish I’d been there! Anyway, you should come out to a bout sometime too…maybe you and David can make a date for our next one on June 14th!

Jamie

And another from a FaceBook friend:

You should have been at Bladerunner’s in Harmarville last night for The Steel City Derby Demons, “Block of Love” bout. David Conrad was there. I didn’t get to see him, as I was skating with the Hellions.

Rhonda aka Fonda Bruises

First of all, Fonda Bruises is 41-years-old!  And she can kick your ass.

Second, trying to wrap my brain around the fact that my future best friend David “can quote more Shakespeare than Shakespeare” Conrad not only attends roller derby bouts, but also SPONSORS them is like finding out that Paula Abdul has a doctorate in Speech Language Pathology.  It doesn’t compute.

PittGirl, I said, This is intriguing.  You must investigate.

So I did and I am loving these girls.  I should have jumped on this bandwagon ages ago.

Okay, first, their team names. The best team name has to be The Bitch Doctors.  I think I want to be a roller derby-er (or whatever you call them) just so I can say that I am a “bitch doctor.”  Except, I’d say, “I’m a Bitch Doctor, bitch!”  Yeah!

Now, the girls’ names are even better:

  • Busty Brawler 36-DD
  • Me-Oww Kitty
  • MILFShake
  • Twiggy Stardust
  • Miss Ass Fault
  • Pinky Dontchadare-O

If their photos are any indication, some of these ladies might find themselves being named Smokin’ Hot Burghers, once I do some more research on them.

And the refs’ names and photos?   Just as awesome.

  • Ref’ecutioner
  • Big F’N Ref
  • Hannibal Refter

So I’ve thought long and hard about what PittGirl’s roller-derby name would be and the answer is unavoidable:  “Choke-A-Bitch”.

Do they do play-by-play during these things?  If so, I hope it goes something like this:

Holy crap! Did you just see the hit Miss Ass put on Me-Oww Kitty!?  She’s definitely not purring right now, in fact, I’m pretty sure I see some claws coming out.  Big F’N Ref ain’t havin’ none of it.  Uh-Oh.  Pinky Dontchadare-O is making a bee-line for — Oh my GOD!  It is on, my friends, because Choke-A-Bitch is currently CHOKING A FRICKIN’ BITCH!  This is the best matchup EVER!

I might have to go to their June competition.





17 Comments

  1. Zsa
    May 21, 2008 9:26 am

    I’ve been to a couple matches (a friend of a friend is in the Hot Metal Hellions), and my favorite player names are Scary Schiavo and Ann Is The Bastard.

    If you saw that episode of Wife Swap or Trading Spouses w/ the couple from Pgh – she is on one of the teams and he’s a referee.

    And yes they do play by play.



  2. Renatta
    May 21, 2008 9:46 am

    Ahh I did an article for the newspaper I work for about Fonda Bruises. She’s very nice, but I wouldn’t cross her path! Those girls are serious.



  3. Sofa King
    May 21, 2008 9:58 am

    A friend of mine founded the DC Rollergirls team, and in my past life as a “rock star,” I got to know a bunch of the girls…definitely an interesting crew.

    I played 6 years of football and I don’t know if I’d be up to the punishment those girls inflicted on each other.



  4. Ally McKill (Jamie)
    May 21, 2008 10:03 am

    Yay! Thanks for posting, this is great! Hope you can make it in June when the Bitch Doctors are taking on my Wrecking Dolls!!!



  5. John
    May 21, 2008 10:31 am

    ESPN just did a piece on roller derby over the weekend. It’s making a serious comeback across the country. Heck, now I might have to venture up to Harmar to take a match in, just on the chance I might run into someone who will deny being PittGirl.



  6. MILFshake
    May 21, 2008 10:37 am

    I DO SAY “I’m a Bitch Doctor, bitch!”

    Hahahaha…AWESOME!!!



  7. Jennifer
    May 21, 2008 10:42 am

    OMG! This is my new addiction. I’ve been to two matches (the two most recent) and am totally hooked. I am trying to get everyone I know to go. My favorite name by far has to be Amanda Smackaround. And Cheeseburger is UNBELIEVABLE, a really great Jammer. I really like the Bitch Doctors (the name alone is enough to hook me as a fan for life) but Cheeseburger is possibly my favorite individual player.

    The whole thing rocks. In april the national anthem was played on a tuba and the intermission shows have been a rather rough version of musical chairs and stroller derby.

    You HAVE to go. Of course watch out…you can expect to be asked by a zillion people if you are pittgirl…and they will all be waiting for someone to say “who the hell is pittgirl” and mention Nascar!

    (oh, and the 50/50 raffle was over $300 last week!)



  8. Kelli
    May 21, 2008 10:52 am

    If were going to talk Roller Derby, I got to mention my friend – Miss Formalda Heidi, aka Shannon. She is a sweet and wonderful woman who kicks ass. And that is what makes roller derby fun.



  9. spoon
    May 21, 2008 10:57 am

    we here at “Should I Drink That?” have discussed sponsoring a couple of girls since my co-host, the sickpuppy, knows a few. Alas, like most things we see a shiny coin and forget about what we just said.

    I’d still like to do it.



  10. Madame Abagael (Wrecking Doll)
    May 21, 2008 12:42 pm

    Thanks for the post! Yes, please do come out and see the next bout. It’s a rump-shakin’ good time.



  11. Cruel Britannia
    May 21, 2008 12:58 pm

    You’d be a “rollergirl” if you joined the team, going to play in a “bout.” I don’t think we’ve played Steel City yet, but I’m not sure why… Pennsylvania is actually second only to California (and tied with Washington) for the largest number of derby teams in a state.

    Come on out and derby, bitches!

    -Cruel Britannia #1776
    Harrisburg Area Roller Derby Nuclear Knockouts.



  12. blee
    May 21, 2008 1:00 pm

    I went to the Saturday game and it was awesome. I had never gone before but I had a great time.

    I highly suggest you check it out. I can’t wait till the next game.



  13. the violet
    May 21, 2008 1:30 pm

    Mel-Practice is the sh**. She made a beautiful bride last year.



  14. CS Keys
    May 21, 2008 7:44 pm

    I’m in love.



  15. Steelman
    May 21, 2008 9:40 pm

    I have great idea to give the Bitch Doctors some publicity and raise money for a good cause (assuming you have to pay to watch the Bitch Doctors rumble). See if Lukey and members of his Staff would don skates and compete against the Bitch Doctors. I’ll bet they would have a packed house. Proceeds could go to Children’s Hospital, Light of Life, or other good local causes. Maybe Pitt Girl would do the play by play from a secret location inside the rink. If you were afraid that your identity would be discovered, maybe you could record your rendition of the Star Spangled Banner to be played that night. I think it would be a winner.



  16. MILFshake (Bitch Doctors)
    May 22, 2008 7:10 am

    John Harvard’s Brew House This Friday May 23, 2008 Happy Hour 6-8pm!!!!!!!!

    Be sure to try the BACK BLOCK BOCK (named for us) a German Maibock – the lager is light in color, malty and at 7% ABV will knock your blocks off.

    You know you wanna hang out with the Fresh Meat Squad and You’ll also have a chance to get up close and personal with a current team members, refs and support crew.

    John Harvard’s Brew House
    Penn Center
    3466 Wm Penn Hwy
    Pittsburgh, PA 15235



  17. amanda smakround
    May 22, 2008 12:59 pm

    I like my name too