Pens, Pens, Pens. And light sabers, too.

The Penguins will be taking on the Detroit Red Wings tomorrow in game one of the Stanley Cup Finals, and there’s lots to talk about:

1. The owner of Wholey’s will not sell octopus to any Red Wings fan and this has created some interesting commenting out of Detroit:

  • Only a moron like this Wholey guy would believe not selling octopi would increase the Spitburger Peng-you-ines chances in these finals. Don’t worry Spit boy, there are probably plenty of other fish dealers out there willing to make a buck.
  • I’m concerned that we’ll only see four games again. Just like with the Flyers and again with the Caps. Here’s hoping the Penguins at least make it competitive. Not likely, though…

Oh, no he di’int!

2. If you go to the Free Press site, you can play Whack a Penguin and I’m sorry to say that I rule at Whack a Penguin. If there were ever Whack a Penguin Olympics, I’d take gold, silver and bronze.

How far can you whack a penguin?

If you’re going to claim you beat my score, you’re going to have to prove it with a screen cap, otherwise, PANTS ON BIG FAT FIRE!

The only person I’m almost positive is going to beat me is Julie Gong, because bitch is FIERCE.

3. Realizing how awesome the PG was to give us free cheer cards, the Free Press got all whiny about it and asked their fans to make up some cool posters.

This was the best they could do:

A. Jared Leto as Obi-Wan Kenobi? Mm’kay.

Also, if they knew anything about anything, they’d have turned those light sabers into hockey sticks. Dumb-butts.

B. Yes, cooked penguin looks exactly like a cooked turkey, why do you ask?

Also, I’m pretty sure you forgot an apostrophe. Dumber-butts.

C. Okay, this one is actually good.

Look, the penguin is shitting ice cubes!


D. Hey, dumbass. Did you maybe mean SWIM for your life?


4. Boy those Red Wings fans are DEVOTED.

(WXYZ) — On the morning after the Detroit Red Wings won the NHL’s Western Conference Championship, only six fans lined up early at Joe Louis Arena to buy tickets for the Stanley Cup Finals.

The small showing at the box office Tuesday is in sharp contrast to years past when fans camped out overnight for tickets.

Would it be very 12-years-old of me to shout “NOT!”?

It would? Great. NOT!!!

5. Did you guys notice the header?

6. Pens fans can do some good AND watch the Pens play on the screens in the Arena!

Admission to watch Games 1 and 2 on the Igloo’s Jumbotron is $5, with proceeds benefiting the Mario Lemieux Foundation for cancer and neonatal research.


You know how I feel about the kids. I hope they make lots of money off of this.

7. Finally, you can rest assured that Lukey has decided to take the advice of his Chief of That’s Church and use his own money to go to games one and two in Detroit. His new/recycled spokewoman Joanna Doven says:

“He’s pretty sure it’s legal to pay for it himself so he preferred to go that route.”

He’s pretty sure it’s legal?! WTF?

If Lukey would have walked into the Office of That’s Church and asked me, the Chief of That’s Church, “Chief? Is it legal for me to use my own money to purchase Penguins tickets?” I would have kicked him in the nuts.

That kind of stupidity needs to be punished.

The Admiral was resurrected just to address this issue. While you’re there, go read about how WTAE has proof that it was actually the MAYOR’S peeps that made the banner deal a no-go. Lukey lied, y’all. Become a Choke-A-Bitch-ocrat (CAB) and vote for PittGirl. A vote for me is a vote for the truth and twenty votes for dead pigeons.

(h/t DW and Arika and also the JUDGE for forgetting to hat-tip him last week.)


  1. Maria
    May 23, 2008 10:14 am

    I know I should be proud of this, but…

    Sorry, PG. Look’s like I’m taking the gold medal. Someone should make a Whack-A-Pigeon game.

  2. MiamiShyner
    May 23, 2008 10:30 am

    I haven’t reached Maria’s ability of whacking, but I’m taking the silver.

    I wish I had game-making talent to oblige her request.

  3. zen
    May 23, 2008 10:31 am

    Living in the suburbs doesn’t mean you can’t run for mayor. Simply organize your CABs to push for the proposed city-county consolidation, and your path to the Mayor’s office of the new Greater Pittsburgh is clear no matter where you live in Allegheny County.

  4. Julie_Gong
    May 23, 2008 10:34 am

    when i get fired today because i’ve been whacking penguins i’m going to thank you.

  5. Julie_Gong
    May 23, 2008 10:42 am

    ok… sorry about it… 310.3 (i will email proof.)

  6. unsatisfied
    May 23, 2008 10:42 am

    whacking penguins — I don’t even know where to start with that term — is that even legal in PA?

    detroit has had an inability to sell out during their home cup games — perhaps they already know that they are going to lose before a game is even played.

  7. Pittsburgh Tom (in NJ)
    May 23, 2008 10:48 am

    #7 There is one situation where it could possibly be against ethical rules to pay for something. I could see if the tickets were impossible to get at any price and he used connections as mayor to be able to buy them or if he used connections as mayor to get tickets well below market and/or scalpers prices, that might be against ethic rules. But if he’s paying $350 a ticket, then I find it hard press for any of his enemies to have any issues with it.

    I think the most I’ve ever paid for tickets for anything has been $200 and they were for away Steelers games.

  8. John
    May 23, 2008 10:48 am

    316.7 – every time I post the link, it won’t let me comment for some reason.

  9. Steve
    May 23, 2008 10:56 am

    That’s not Jared Leto in the poster. That’s Henrik Zetterberg.

    But still, it’s lame.

    Go Pens!

  10. chrys
    May 23, 2008 10:57 am

    I am not a good penguin whacker… rofl

  11. pittgirl
    May 23, 2008 10:57 am


    I’m aware. I was just making fun of the fact that it LOOKED like Jared Leto is all. :)

    Thanks though!

  12. Lyon Advocate
    May 23, 2008 11:06 am

    Give me the bronze (saved proof to my site).

  13. Steve
    May 23, 2008 11:10 am

    I guess I should’ve picked up on that. :)

    But I they do look as if they were separated at birth.

    So, what are you supposed to do when you’re a member of the wedding party, and the wedding just happens to be during game 1 of the Stanley Cup Finals? Is this situation in any wedding etiquette guides?

  14. Matt
    May 23, 2008 11:16 am

    Some of the scores people are posting are crazy! I play this game about as well as Adam LaRoche plays baseball.

  15. day after next
    May 23, 2008 11:37 am


  16. DW
    May 23, 2008 11:44 am

    I’m right in there…dumb thing is addicting. 322.9 emailed to PittGirl (aka Penguin Whacking Commish)

  17. Eric W
    May 23, 2008 11:54 am

    319.3 – screen cap available upon request

  18. Burgh Baby
    May 23, 2008 12:20 pm

    I wish I could play Whack-a-Redwing, but then I would have to know what the hell a Redwing actually is so that I could whack it.

  19. Michael
    May 23, 2008 1:15 pm

    323.3 Can’t attach screen grab.

  20. Pensgirl
    May 23, 2008 1:26 pm

    Burgh Baby, I think the way you play whack-a-Redwing is to buy a Toyota. ;)

  21. rickh
    May 23, 2008 1:57 pm

    323.5 but lost it on the save. Uggghhhhh. I guess istead of seeing X tonight I’ll be whacking the penguin.

  22. Stephanique1
    May 23, 2008 2:19 pm

    2.) Great. Something else to keep me from not doing my job.


    3.) Detroit fans- please just stop. Seriously. These cheer cards are soooooo sad.

  23. Stephanique1
    May 23, 2008 2:23 pm

    Oh and does anyone else wanna chocke a bitch when it sails high in the air only to nose dive right in the snow at the 200 mark??

  24. Sean
    May 23, 2008 2:25 pm

    323.3 I think I’m in a tie for the silver.

  25. NoSide15212
    May 23, 2008 7:15 pm

    The Whack-a-Wing version is called “Grand Theft Auto.”

  26. Bram R
    May 23, 2008 11:16 pm

    Also 323.3. I also got 800-something on the high-test version. Surprised the Red Wings aren’t using this one.

  27. Tony
    May 27, 2008 5:45 pm

    319.1… but I’ma keep tryin