The Penguins will be taking on the Detroit Red Wings tomorrow in game one of the Stanley Cup Finals, and there’s lots to talk about:
1. The owner of Wholey’s will not sell octopus to any Red Wings fan and this has created some interesting commenting out of Detroit:
- Only a moron like this Wholey guy would believe not selling octopi would increase the Spitburger Peng-you-ines chances in these finals. Don’t worry Spit boy, there are probably plenty of other fish dealers out there willing to make a buck.
- I’m concerned that we’ll only see four games again. Just like with the Flyers and again with the Caps. Here’s hoping the Penguins at least make it competitive. Not likely, though…
Oh, no he di’int!
2. If you go to the Free Press site, you can play Whack a Penguin and I’m sorry to say that I rule at Whack a Penguin. If there were ever Whack a Penguin Olympics, I’d take gold, silver and bronze.
How far can you whack a penguin?
If you’re going to claim you beat my score, you’re going to have to prove it with a screen cap, otherwise, PANTS ON BIG FAT FIRE!
The only person I’m almost positive is going to beat me is Julie Gong, because bitch is FIERCE.
3. Realizing how awesome the PG was to give us free cheer cards, the Free Press got all whiny about it and asked their fans to make up some cool posters.
A. Jared Leto as Obi-Wan Kenobi? Mm’kay.
Also, if they knew anything about anything, they’d have turned those light sabers into hockey sticks. Dumb-butts.
B. Yes, cooked penguin looks exactly like a cooked turkey, why do you ask?
Also, I’m pretty sure you forgot an apostrophe. Dumber-butts.
C. Okay, this one is actually good.
Look, the penguin is shitting ice cubes!
D. Hey, dumbass. Did you maybe mean SWIM for your life?
4. Boy those Red Wings fans are DEVOTED.
(WXYZ) — On the morning after the Detroit Red Wings won the NHL’s Western Conference Championship, only six fans lined up early at Joe Louis Arena to buy tickets for the Stanley Cup Finals.
The small showing at the box office Tuesday is in sharp contrast to years past when fans camped out overnight for tickets.
Would it be very 12-years-old of me to shout “NOT!”?
It would? Great. NOT!!!
5. Did you guys notice the header?
6. Pens fans can do some good AND watch the Pens play on the screens in the Arena!
Admission to watch Games 1 and 2 on the Igloo’s Jumbotron is $5, with proceeds benefiting the Mario Lemieux Foundation for cancer and neonatal research.
IT IS FOR SICK KIDS! SICK KIDS! SICK. KIDS!
You know how I feel about the kids. I hope they make lots of money off of this.
7. Finally, you can rest assured that Lukey has decided to take the advice of his Chief of That’s Church and use his own money to go to games one and two in Detroit. His new/recycled spokewoman Joanna Doven says:
“He’s pretty sure it’s legal to pay for it himself so he preferred to go that route.”
He’s pretty sure it’s legal?! WTF?
If Lukey would have walked into the Office of That’s Church and asked me, the Chief of That’s Church, “Chief? Is it legal for me to use my own money to purchase Penguins tickets?” I would have kicked him in the nuts.
That kind of stupidity needs to be punished.
The Admiral was resurrected just to address this issue. While you’re there, go read about how WTAE has proof that it was actually the MAYOR’S peeps that made the banner deal a no-go. Lukey lied, y’all. Become a Choke-A-Bitch-ocrat (CAB) and vote for PittGirl. A vote for me is a vote for the truth and twenty votes for dead pigeons.
(h/t DW and Arika and also the JUDGE for forgetting to hat-tip him last week.)