1. Pens. Pens. Pens. Tonight is the night they figure their shit out. Tonight before the game, someone, maybe Gary Roberts, is going to shake the hockey back into Evgeni Malkin. Slap the fire back into Sidney Crosby. Kick the will back into Marian Hossa.
Some outside coverage:
- The gap between the Penguins and the Red Wings further than from Earth to Mars says the Ice Man.
- Yahoo Sports accuses the Pens of “whining and crying.”
- It’s all Geno’s fault, kinda says CBC.
- Pens fans everywhere are FREAKING OUT, kinda says the Free Press.
- Maxime Talbot hates the Red Wings and he’s not afraid to say it.
2. Also, did you guys notice that Max Talbot is looking more and more like Jesus every day?
3. While Ryan Malone looks more and more like he fell out of the movie “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers” which, GREAT CHILDHOOD MOVIE MEMORY!
Bless yore beautiful hide!
4. If only for today, I was allowed to have two big goons hold a person still so that I could properly aim my pointy shoe as I violently kicked it forward toward that person’s donkey omelets, today, it would be whoever stole this rig.
5. Mark Madden got his butt fired. Again. I’m very meh about that because I don’t ever listen to Mark Madden. Maybe you care.
(h/t Mysterious M)
6. KDKA’s Jon Burnett at his high school prom.
I can’t believe I’m going to write this, but he looks kinda fly. He could teach Lukey a thing or two about wearing a hat.
7. Speaking of fashion, reader MmeG wrote:
Have you seen this? Julianne Moore was totally giving the Burgh a shout out from the red carpet at Cannes! How else can you explain those hideous black and gold feathers??? She looks like a nouveau-riche linebacker’s wife. But, she likes us! She really likes us!
Wow. Now that is fug.
8. Maybe you’re not aware of him, so I’ll mention Jero. He’s a Pittsburgh-bred Enka singer which is kinda like saying “she’s a Hawaii-bred downhill skier.”
Here he is doing his schmaltzy thing: