Random n’at.

1. I almost witnessed a catfight today on Smithfield. I couldn’t quite tell what the two women were arguing so loudly about – something about hos or bitches or sluts or something. Unfortunately, it didn’t materialize because a friend broke it up before it had a chance to really catch fire.

I say “unfortunately” because while a street fight between two men can be all [punch] [uppercut] [stab] pow pow [thud] [leg sweep] [punch] blam-blam! [dead], a street fight between two girls is more often all rowr [swipe] hsssss [scratch] [push] EEEEK [snarl] [grab] [poke] [pull] [boob pops out].

Just once I’d like to see the fight materialize and watch all the hair extensions, sunglasses, and nail tips fly through the air and land under a bus.

2. While I can’t seem to get Lukey, pigeons, or pretty much anyone to do my bidding, it seems that the University of Pittsburgh falcons are at least following my orders:

p.s. 9:00am, June 5: This morning I stopped by Schenley Plaza after the thunderstorms passed. E2 brought in a pigeon for breakfast – it was still alive. He landed next to two of the chicks and then killed the pigeon while the chicks watched intently. I guess today’s lesson was “Here’s how you kill a pigeon.”

This gentle warmth spreading from my heart to my fingertips and down to my toes. It is a mixture of pride, happiness, and blood-lust. What a great dad. Kill a pigeon and feed your babies for a day. Teach them to kill a pigeon and feed them for life.

I think that’s one of Aesop’s morals.

(h/t Caroline FB)

3. A little something cozy to think about the next time you want to defy me and feed a pigeon.

May your fingers never grow back.

(h/t Kate, Father Spoon, and Jennifer)

4. Hockey fans are going to want to make out with CMU for this little invention of theirs called the Yinz Cam:

Called the “Yinz Cam,” the tool could let spectators watch the game from any vantage point in the new arena on their cell phones. It could even tell them the best times to head for the refreshment line (or yes, even the bathroom line).

With the Yinz Cam, spectators could download a widget onto their cell phones prior to the game. They’d then be able to choose from a variety of camera views. It would also allow them to replay their favorite player scoring a goal, a fight that broke out or any other action that happens on the ice.

Can we get these doohickeys in the locker room? [press press press] accessing Sidney Crosby’s nipples.

(h/t Mme.G)

5. Reader Mark H. wrote me last night:

Our little peanut – 6 years old – went to bed, and instead of ‘God Blessing’ Mom, Dad, etc…..she ran through the entire Pens lineup, plus Ryan Malone’s nose. She’s sleeping with her stuffed Penguins and her homemade Talbot jersey- scrawled in magic marker on the back of white shirt, complete with Pens logo on the front.

I think we all would like to say, “God bless Ryan Malone’s poor nose.”

6. This Saturday David Conrad is premiering his new documentary Tamas at the Kiski School and while I had planned to charge you minions with showing up en masse, as part of the Kiski Alumni Weekend, it is a private screening.

Surely, there’s a way for me to sneak in though.

Off to plot.


  1. Pensgirl
    June 5, 2008 3:18 pm

    Yinz Cam sounds like the greatest invention ever.

    God Bless Ryan Malone’s heart.

  2. Allison
    June 5, 2008 3:34 pm

    I want the Yinz Cam for Christmas.

    God Bless everything about Ryan Malone.

  3. lil librarian
    June 5, 2008 4:37 pm

    As a teacher who has witnessed my fair share of catfights in a high school where a predominant number of the female students have extensions, I have coined the word “tumbleweave” to describe the leftover hair extension/weave detritus that blows across the street after a particularly feisty girl brawl.

  4. Brother Anthony
    June 5, 2008 5:02 pm

    Wish she’d have asked God to bless Ryan Malone’s feet. I didn’t think they were really moving enough.

    (Sure, he probably couldn’t breathe but I tended to notice this in all their losses.)

    Marian Hossa’s feet were moving.

  5. In Sewickley
    June 5, 2008 7:53 pm

    PittGirl! Love the new banner!!! Malkin! Woot!

    I could’ve done without the scary pic of Sonni, but I’ll deal. =) Better than Wendy Bell!

  6. CS Keys
    June 5, 2008 7:55 pm

    I have the pleasure of working in a building near the Wood Street T station. We’re up pretty high but you can sometimes hear the girls yelling at each other and then see a cop break it up a few minutes later.

  7. Maria
    June 5, 2008 8:31 pm

    I’m watching Last Comic Standing, and while none of the contestants are very funny one guy did tell a story about a seeing a homeless man punch a pigeon in midair that made me chuckle. Then it got me thinking…PittGirl, you should train all the homeless people in PGH to become lethal pigeon-punching machines. Take a moment to visualize this. Beautiful, isn’t it?

    PS, love the new banner. Yay Malkin! =)

  8. Maria
    June 5, 2008 8:51 pm

    I think I just noticed something about the banner. Right above the pigeon. Is that an outline of you (aka the silhouette)…pooping…on the pigeon? Or a I an idiot?

  9. pittgirl
    June 5, 2008 9:05 pm


    Without a doubt, the best thing I’ve heard all week.

    Brilliantly funny.

  10. Pensgirl
    June 5, 2008 9:12 pm

    Pittgirl, the new banner is fantastic!

  11. bucdaddy
    June 5, 2008 10:28 pm

    1. Elaine: What IS it with men and catfights?

    Jerry: Because men think if women are grabbing and clawing at each other, there’s a chance they might, somehow, kiss.

    4. Wire the new arena for Yinzer Cam? Sure. Enjoy the game and your $25 beer from your $250 seat in Section 188, Row ZZZ. And I’d better not read a WORD of bitching about it on here.

  12. retiredguy
    June 6, 2008 7:34 am

    For the best catfights you need to hang out infront of family court (the old county jail). Where else can you see one woman grab her crotch and scream “lick my junk” at another woman. Judging by the fight which this started, I can only assume that, in this context, “lick my junk” is a bad thing.

  13. Stacey
    June 6, 2008 7:55 am

    That new banner rocks – good job! I’m loving that we get to see Malkin and David Conrad every day now.

  14. ultraviolet
    June 6, 2008 8:17 am

    my boyfriend’s brother is an alumni of Kiski. However, if you attend as his plus one we might have to make an “arrangement” in order to continue maintaining your anonymity. money? unlimited dunkin donuts coffee supply? actually i don’t think he is going, but its nice to think you could bethisclose, eh?

  15. Brian
    June 6, 2008 8:22 am

    1. This made me really happy.

    2. This made me terribly, terribly sad, despite what people think of the pigeons (and I don’t profess to be a big fan myself). I also was worried Elton John would come into my cube and sing “Circle of Life.” Worried because I didn’t want to have to stab Elton John in front of coworkers.

  16. PensPrincess
    June 6, 2008 8:54 am

    1. I ride the great PAT bus to and from work. I got through Wilkinsburg and I have got to say..I saw an all out brawl between two high school girls. Earrings being pulled off and kicking and scratching. It was nuts!!!! As my bus went by, they were still going at it.

    Good times I say…good times.

    And might I add a God Bless all the Pens and the entertainment they have provided to this city.

    Ok and God Bless PittGirl because without her…work would suck!!!

  17. AIW
    June 7, 2008 5:48 pm

    Just moved to town to find out my neighbor is Mr Conrad. Super nice! Stopped by to say hello! You can visit me if you take that ugly news bag’s pic down!

  18. ckap
    July 27, 2008 7:12 pm

    I just got turned on to your blog by a friend, and I was surprised to see David Conrad not only on your banner but featured as one of your tags, which I had to check out, of course.

    I was part of the Kiski Alum Weekend festivities, so I got to see him and his documentary. Tamas was excellent, and I hope you get to see it soon. He’s often on campus, and I show up to enjoy him like fine art in a museum.