Oh, LaMont. Except … not.

When I saw this image on the front of the PG’s website:

I immediately had two thoughts:

  • Oh, LaMont. WTF are you trying to make us wear now?
  • Why is that lady wearing a baby stroller on her head?

And those two questions running through my head are a certified guarantee that I’m clicking on that there link.

So glad I did. Because it took me to an article that linked me to a video of the PG’s own Ann Belser demonstrating a new umbrella called the Nubrella ($50!). It also goes by another name. “Are You Kidding Me?!”

First of all, I don’t care if the hand of God is coming down to bitch slap me with a monsoon, I will not be walking around downtown with a giant boomerang bag strapped to my body.

Death is preferable to looking THAT ridiculous.

Second. You know what, let me just number these.

2. Fifteen seconds later, she finally gets the damn thing out of the bag and is all, “Voila!”

By that time, I’d have had my trusty 12 dollar Target umbrella open and would already be heading for the safety of Macy’s. Shoes make even the darkest weather seem bright and sunny. Also, girls, have you SEEN the new brown heels on the Forbes/Smithfield corner window?! Precioussssss.

3. And it looks like a big clear beachball.

At this point, she’s been standing in the rain for 42 seconds and I’ve already tried on three pairs of shoes.

4. And then the sexy happens.

Are you kidding me?

I want you guys to know something. If I ever see one of these on the streets of the Burgh, I’ll be that hot chick lying on the sidewalk, in the rain, with pigeons dancing on her head, with the contents of her purse scattered around her, clutching her stomach in agony from the hysterical laughter wracking her body.





19 Comments

  1. Sofa King
    June 9, 2008 1:51 pm

    Buzzzzz Lightyear SPACE Ranger!



  2. pittgirl
    June 9, 2008 1:53 pm

    HAH!!!

    Oh, brilliant!

    To infinity, and BEYOND!



  3. spoon
    June 9, 2008 2:31 pm

    So now we really can live in a bubble. I can see it now, some idiot will be wearing that, listening to their ipod and talking on a bluetooth headset while crossing Grant St. during afternoon rush. A PAT bus will hit the person BUT since they have Burgh Bubble on it will just bounce them down grant like a pinball.

    or some homeless guy will fall asleep with one on and wake up to find MOOK painted on it.

    or I’ll see you on the street in one and slap an SIDT bumper sticker on it.

    OH! It’s compact enough the Pirates and Trib Total Media can give those away at a game since you cant take umbrellas in! the Steelers could make it look like a football helmet!

    jeebus! I need to get on their marketing thing!



  4. Michael
    June 9, 2008 3:48 pm

    The Washington Post had an article on these things a few weeks ago. Their hook was that the hands free umbrella allowed the wearer to text message while staying dry. Just what I want on a rainy afternoon.



  5. gunnlino
    June 9, 2008 4:01 pm

    LaMont, as in fashion maven, LaMont . Another stunner from the man on the inside track. We need to get together and buy LaMont a subscription to ESQUIRE, and GQ, after that last deal with the casual/dressy thing our fashion authority LaMont needs some help.
    That aside if this “new” brella were worth a whit the English would have figured it out a long time ago.



  6. Mikey
    June 9, 2008 5:17 pm

    Zooooom. She definetely looks like she could take off at anytime. What a nice tard-hat you have on maam.



  7. Fraggle
    June 9, 2008 5:47 pm

    Was she auditioning for a Tron sequel with that thing on?



  8. Sooska
    June 9, 2008 5:53 pm

    $50???? I would rather use a black plastic garbage bag I think.



  9. Bram R
    June 9, 2008 6:25 pm

    “Also, girls, have you SEEN the new brown heels on the Forbes/Smithfield corner window?! Precioussssss.” GILMORE GIRLS!!! Right?



  10. G-Lyn
    June 9, 2008 8:56 pm

    I will be right beside you, probably laying in a puddle of my own pee because I could no longer contain the contents of my morning coffee in my bladder.

    :)



  11. Still A Fan
    June 9, 2008 9:28 pm

    “and then the sexy happens”

    thats funny!



  12. Maria
    June 9, 2008 9:36 pm

    Why would the PG even want to feature this? With all the snide remarks I hear about Pittsburgh being an unattractive city, you think they’d want to steer readers away from wearing giant bubbles around their heads. And then, maybe show the yinzer crowd that the defintion of “fashion” is not wearing a Steelers jersey in June while sporting a rather nappy mullet. (I actually saw a man in Oakland guilty of both today…*shudders*)



  13. apostles03
    June 9, 2008 10:07 pm

    One could use a one-gallon ziploc bag and a snorkel to achieve the same goal, and look only incrementally more stupid.



  14. In Sewickley
    June 9, 2008 10:13 pm

    OK, I’m not lying when I say that I think I need Depends right now. OMG, too funny! I don’t think I’ve laughed this hard in a long time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I’ll let you know if the recession-proof people of Sewickley start wearing these things.



  15. Brian
    June 10, 2008 8:41 am

    Maria, I agree with you, except my guess is the P-G has no idea HOW to direct people to the right ways of wearing clothing on their bodies and probably does think this is some cool thing everyone’s going to love. God bless them, but the P-G has become a clueless, somewhat laughable paper over the years in these areas. I buy it to read sports, and on the weekends I laugh at their entertainment coverage, and that’s about all.

    Except, did anyone see Ruth Ann Dailey’s column yesterday? Awesome, awesome, awesome.



  16. dayafternext
    June 10, 2008 9:35 am

    Ass hat.



  17. Pingback: The Burgh Blog » Never … say never.

  18. Pingback: clear beachball