When I saw this image on the front of the PG’s website:
I immediately had two thoughts:
- Oh, LaMont. WTF are you trying to make us wear now?
- Why is that lady wearing a baby stroller on her head?
And those two questions running through my head are a certified guarantee that I’m clicking on that there link.
So glad I did. Because it took me to an article that linked me to a video of the PG’s own Ann Belser demonstrating a new umbrella called the Nubrella ($50!). It also goes by another name. “Are You Kidding Me?!”
First of all, I don’t care if the hand of God is coming down to bitch slap me with a monsoon, I will not be walking around downtown with a giant boomerang bag strapped to my body.
Death is preferable to looking THAT ridiculous.
Second. You know what, let me just number these.
2. Fifteen seconds later, she finally gets the damn thing out of the bag and is all, “Voila!”
By that time, I’d have had my trusty 12 dollar Target umbrella open and would already be heading for the safety of Macy’s. Shoes make even the darkest weather seem bright and sunny. Also, girls, have you SEEN the new brown heels on the Forbes/Smithfield corner window?! Precioussssss.
3. And it looks like a big clear beachball.
At this point, she’s been standing in the rain for 42 seconds and I’ve already tried on three pairs of shoes.
4. And then the sexy happens.
Are you kidding me?
I want you guys to know something. If I ever see one of these on the streets of the Burgh, I’ll be that hot chick lying on the sidewalk, in the rain, with pigeons dancing on her head, with the contents of her purse scattered around her, clutching her stomach in agony from the hysterical laughter wracking her body.