Two Mikes and a Matt, and no, that’s not a new shittastic situation comedy coming to CBS this Fall, that’s actually three different readers that emailed me a link to this story about a spa in New York that if you give it $200 will allow you to lie down on your back while they smother bird shit on your face and call it a “facial.”
I call it smothering bird shit on your face.
If you watch the video, you can see a slow motion video of bird poop leaving a bird’s pooping orifice. So you know, BONUS!
Apparently, this was all the rage ages and ages ago in Asia. Got a question. Who first looked at a bird, watched its poop fall to the ground, looked at the poop, and said, “Gosh. I bet if I smother that on my face, my skin will just absolutely GLOW.”
Here’s some things I’ll allow to be smothered over my skin before I willingly allow anyone to smother bird shit on my face:
1. Hot dog juice.
2. Snail slime, which, seriously.
3. The sweat from the armpit of Jeff Skippy Skeeve Reed.
Hell, I’d LICK the armpit of Skippy Skeeve before I put bird shit on my face.
(h/t Matthew, Michael, and Matt)