Lick it.

Two Mikes and a Matt, and no, that’s not a new shittastic situation comedy coming to CBS this Fall, that’s actually three different readers that emailed me a link to this story about a spa in New York that if you give it $200 will allow you to lie down on your back while they smother bird shit on your face and call it a “facial.”

I call it smothering bird shit on your face.

If you watch the video, you can see a slow motion video of bird poop leaving a bird’s pooping orifice. So you know, BONUS!

Apparently, this was all the rage ages and ages ago in Asia. Got a question. Who first looked at a bird, watched its poop fall to the ground, looked at the poop, and said, “Gosh. I bet if I smother that on my face, my skin will just absolutely GLOW.”

Here’s some things I’ll allow to be smothered over my skin before I willingly allow anyone to smother bird shit on my face:

1. Hot dog juice.

2. Snail slime, which, seriously.

3. The sweat from the armpit of Jeff Skippy Skeeve Reed.

Hell, I’d LICK the armpit of Skippy Skeeve before I put bird shit on my face.

(h/t Matthew, Michael, and Matt)


  1. Ex-Pat Pittsburgh Girl
    June 10, 2008 12:37 pm

    Please don’t go anywhere near Jeff Skippy Skeeve Reed’s sweat. I’m pretty certain you could get someone to pay him in alcohol to lick his own sweat.

    So was it 3 guys names Mike or Matt?

  2. dayafternext
    June 10, 2008 2:11 pm

    I’m actually more grossed out by that interviewee’s neck. Worst neck I’ve ever seen.

  3. cameraman
    June 10, 2008 4:14 pm

    How long did a camera man stand under a pole with a pigeon on it to get that footage? He hates his job right now.

  4. bucdaddy
    June 10, 2008 4:53 pm

    Who first ate a lobster? That’s what I want to know.

  5. scottie
    June 10, 2008 7:51 pm

    #3: I KNEW IT! You have some creepy little fetish for Jeff Skippy Skeeve Reed!!! You’re just all like “no, no, don’t touch me!” on the outside, but inside you are rubbing your face in his pits.

    You Brazen Floozy! (I respect you so much more now)