In case you need reminded, PittGirl has lots of sisters. And they’re all hot and funny and when we’re all together it is not uncommon for at least one sister to warn that she’ll pee her pants if she doesn’t stop laughing so hard. And as you can imagine, as girls with no brothers, we’re pretty open about everything and rarely censor ourselves. If you only read my blog for the Burgh stuff, you’ll want to bloop-bloop-bloop, but sometimes I have things in my head about my personal life that just itch to hit the keyboard.
Here are some snippets that were written in our recent email conversation regarding our upcoming PittGirl Family and Friends Beach Vacation Extravaganza Where This Year We’re Cramming 24 People Into A Two-House Villa and 12 of Those People Are Under the Age of 17 God. Help. Us. All.:
Sister Ta-Ta: I’m so ready for the beach. Just ordered two bathing suits today so I’ve got to lose some weight so that I can look decent in them. :) Now I’m the fat sister. Gotta impress the brother in laws.
Sister Ta-Ta probably weighs about 125 lbs, bikes, hikes and walks regularly, so, yeah. The “fat” sister.
Sister Tina Fey: Okay. First of all, Ta-Ta, as long as your boobs are still huge, the brothers-in-law won’t notice anything else. It’s true. Secondly, where did you order the bathing suits from? I need help. I’m seriously horrified by my body. I tried on a bathing suit at Kohl’s last night, and it was a tank-ini that according to the way it looked on the hanger was meant to be kind of loose around the stomach. Not so much. I couldn’t even pull it all the way down around my spare tire. Not attractive. I’ve got to do something.
I would like to interject here that Tina Fey probably weighs about 120 pounds at 5’6” and exercises regularly on her three home gym machines. Hello, body-image issues.
Pens Fan Sister: Ta-Ta – your boobs are plenty for the boys. They don’t care about anything else. Wait until you all see Ohio Sister. She is freakin’ anorexic. I hate her. Maybe a bout of bulimia is in my future. HA!
Pens Fan Sister, as you may recall, wears a size 2. She wrote back 20 minutes later with:
Ok. I have gotten the binge part down. Just finished a freakin’ bag of potato chips with dip. Now if only I could muster up enough courage to do the purge part, I will look good in a bathing suit.
The following afternoon the conversation started moving from our body issues and one particular sister’s boobs to what we would be eating at vacation, so you know, we could give ourselves more body-image issues:
Tina Fey: Yo, ’tis Tina Fey. We had storms this morning and I’m in bed watching the storm out of my wall of windows when I noticed the lightning was striking closer and closer. Well, I’m laying there all relaxed, enjoying the sound when this lightning struck literally in my neighbor’s back yard. The light was blue and it was smoking. I said, “Shit” and got my ass away from my wall of windows. I haven’t looked in their yard yet, but I bet there’s a crater there.
‘Nuther. I’d be happy to make a cake. Pens Fan and I could do it together. I’m so excited for vacation. Ta-Ta, what kind of dessert are you planning? I want details so I can start drooling now.
This resulted in lots of talk about cakes, brownies, cookies, tacos, spaghetti, and other things that we regularly deny ourselves during the course of the year so that we can binge on them for one week when we’re all together. Then:
Pens Fan: Ta-Ta. How is the new house? How come there have been no pics? Oh, let me guess, you only sent them to Ohio Sister and Tina Fey. PittGirl and I are rejects?
Ta-Ta: There have been no pics b/c I haven’t uploaded any, bitch.
Then a bit later about her daughter who is 11? Maybe 12? THERE’S TOO MANY DAMN KIDS TO KEEP TRACK OF THEIR AGES. She’s under 21:
Ta-Ta: Flashback! We were driving in the car about a week ago and the radio was on. MP says, “Turn it up; It’s Madonna.” I was all that is crazy. I think I said those same words to mom and dad 25 years ago. Also, MP loves to stand over my shoulder and read what I’m typing. I usually tell her to get away. Well I saw her walking over and tried to send the message really fast–the one I called Pens Fan a “bitch.” Man, that child reads fast. Anyway, she’s all “I can’t believe I have a mother that swears.” Her world has been rocked.
PittGirl: Yeah, could you please refrain from using the phrase “25 years ago” when referring to anything that has to do with any of us unless you’re writing, “25 years ago, back when I was practically a fetus…”? Thx.
And then, because we had forgotten who was in on the email distribution list:
Father of PittGirl: I would just like to remind you girls that your FATHER is reading these emails. Enough with the bitch, shit, ass, and boob talk.
[put their halos back on]