Sisters.

In case you need reminded, PittGirl has lots of sisters. And they’re all hot and funny and when we’re all together it is not uncommon for at least one sister to warn that she’ll pee her pants if she doesn’t stop laughing so hard. And as you can imagine, as girls with no brothers, we’re pretty open about everything and rarely censor ourselves. If you only read my blog for the Burgh stuff, you’ll want to bloop-bloop-bloop, but sometimes I have things in my head about my personal life that just itch to hit the keyboard.

Here are some snippets that were written in our recent email conversation regarding our upcoming PittGirl Family and Friends Beach Vacation Extravaganza Where This Year We’re Cramming 24 People Into A Two-House Villa and 12 of Those People Are Under the Age of 17 God. Help. Us. All.:

Sister Ta-Ta: I’m so ready for the beach. Just ordered two bathing suits today so I’ve got to lose some weight so that I can look decent in them. :) Now I’m the fat sister. Gotta impress the brother in laws.

Sister Ta-Ta probably weighs about 125 lbs, bikes, hikes and walks regularly, so, yeah. The “fat” sister.

Sister Tina Fey: Okay. First of all, Ta-Ta, as long as your boobs are still huge, the brothers-in-law won’t notice anything else. It’s true. Secondly, where did you order the bathing suits from? I need help. I’m seriously horrified by my body. I tried on a bathing suit at Kohl’s last night, and it was a tank-ini that according to the way it looked on the hanger was meant to be kind of loose around the stomach. Not so much. I couldn’t even pull it all the way down around my spare tire. Not attractive. I’ve got to do something.

I would like to interject here that Tina Fey probably weighs about 120 pounds at 5’6” and exercises regularly on her three home gym machines. Hello, body-image issues.

Pens Fan Sister: Ta-Ta – your boobs are plenty for the boys. They don’t care about anything else. Wait until you all see Ohio Sister. She is freakin’ anorexic. I hate her. Maybe a bout of bulimia is in my future. HA!

Pens Fan Sister, as you may recall, wears a size 2. She wrote back 20 minutes later with:

Ok. I have gotten the binge part down. Just finished a freakin’ bag of potato chips with dip. Now if only I could muster up enough courage to do the purge part, I will look good in a bathing suit.

The following afternoon the conversation started moving from our body issues and one particular sister’s boobs to what we would be eating at vacation, so you know, we could give ourselves more body-image issues:

Tina Fey: Yo, ’tis Tina Fey. We had storms this morning and I’m in bed watching the storm out of my wall of windows when I noticed the lightning was striking closer and closer. Well, I’m laying there all relaxed, enjoying the sound when this lightning struck literally in my neighbor’s back yard. The light was blue and it was smoking. I said, “Shit” and got my ass away from my wall of windows. I haven’t looked in their yard yet, but I bet there’s a crater there.

‘Nuther. I’d be happy to make a cake. Pens Fan and I could do it together. I’m so excited for vacation. Ta-Ta, what kind of dessert are you planning? I want details so I can start drooling now.

This resulted in lots of talk about cakes, brownies, cookies, tacos, spaghetti, and other things that we regularly deny ourselves during the course of the year so that we can binge on them for one week when we’re all together. Then:

Pens Fan: Ta-Ta. How is the new house? How come there have been no pics? Oh, let me guess, you only sent them to Ohio Sister and Tina Fey. PittGirl and I are rejects?

Ta-Ta: There have been no pics b/c I haven’t uploaded any, bitch.

Then a bit later about her daughter who is 11? Maybe 12? THERE’S TOO MANY DAMN KIDS TO KEEP TRACK OF THEIR AGES. She’s under 21:

Ta-Ta: Flashback! We were driving in the car about a week ago and the radio was on. MP says, “Turn it up; It’s Madonna.” I was all that is crazy. I think I said those same words to mom and dad 25 years ago. Also, MP loves to stand over my shoulder and read what I’m typing. I usually tell her to get away. Well I saw her walking over and tried to send the message really fast–the one I called Pens Fan a “bitch.” Man, that child reads fast. Anyway, she’s all “I can’t believe I have a mother that swears.” Her world has been rocked.

PittGirl: Yeah, could you please refrain from using the phrase “25 years ago” when referring to anything that has to do with any of us unless you’re writing, “25 years ago, back when I was practically a fetus…”? Thx.

And then, because we had forgotten who was in on the email distribution list:

Father of PittGirl: I would just like to remind you girls that your FATHER is reading these emails. Enough with the bitch, shit, ass, and boob talk.

Uh. Oops.

[put their halos back on]





28 Comments

  1. BIGGEORGE
    June 12, 2008 9:54 am

    So my family isn’t so bad!!!

    Thank-you!!!

    I have 4 older sister (the hand me downs
    really sucked!) and when we get together
    we start talking and laughing and shouting

    I always thought we were weird!!!

    Not anymore!

    BIGGEORGE



  2. Jen
    June 12, 2008 9:57 am

    As always…. you make me smile first thing in the morning. Happy Father’s Day to PittGirl Daddy



  3. Sarah
    June 12, 2008 10:17 am

    awwww. I have a special place in my heart for fathers who only had daughters. My father is one of those guys as well, and he probably knows more about ass and boob and bra and school dance than any man shoud know



  4. youngest of 5
    June 12, 2008 10:49 am

    yay I love sisters! I have 4 older ones of my own and we are vacationing at the beach as well this summer so the conversations are familiar! One of my sisters in particular is famous for the peeing and spitting out her beer during funny stories! There is a special place in heaven for dads of all girls!!



  5. Angie :-)
    June 12, 2008 10:53 am

    hahahahaha Poor father of pittgirl’s clan….! Im laughing my butt off. That comment from him is hilarious!



  6. mickey
    June 12, 2008 10:58 am

    one sister, presumedly married, is concerned with how she looks in a bathing suit, in front of the brothers-in-law. yea, that marraige will last.



  7. pittgirl
    June 12, 2008 11:04 am

    Mickey, if you’re being serious, I’d like to ask you to go and get a frickin’ sense of humor.



  8. strugglingwriter
    June 12, 2008 11:46 am

    This was a great, hilarious, post. I started reading here after following a link from thepensblog or mondesishouse or somewhere during the playoffs, but kept coming back because of posts like this.

    Paul



  9. tw
    June 12, 2008 11:57 am

    So refreshing Pittgirl…I’m from a family that always does the casual swearing and I was trust into a family (in-laws) that has to say the “h, e, double hockey sticks” while i’m constantly being nudged by my husband for saying “shit, damn, hell” without blinking…ughhh.

    btw…my mother used to always say, “shit and 2 is 8″…what’s that all about? we’re weird too i guess.



  10. pittgirl
    June 12, 2008 12:01 pm

    BIG GEORGE and tw,

    Weird is the new cool.

    PittGirl



  11. kkinLA
    June 12, 2008 12:37 pm

    I just snorted out my morning coffee, PittGirl, based on your father’s comment. Of course he would have a wicked sense of humor too!



  12. Kathy
    June 12, 2008 1:08 pm

    I am from a family of 4 girls and we have the SAME type of conversations (and more) when we get together. I drives our husbands absolutely mad! They just can’t believe that after 6 hours of sitting around gabbing there is still more to talk about.



  13. Maria
    June 12, 2008 1:25 pm

    Are you one of my sisters? Haha, seriously this could be my two sisters and me talking about our upcoming vacation. The only difference is our brother is on the e-mail distribution list instead of our father, so we get a lot of I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT MY SISTERS’S BOOBS type of replies from him. He’s still bitter about the time we dressed him up in one of OldestSister’s dresses and plastered on some makeup. He looked like a three-year-old transvestite…my mother still has the picture and it’s the first she shows to his girlfriends. Hah.



  14. retiredguy
    June 12, 2008 1:56 pm

    PittGirl

    As the father of two teenage girls, I have the deepest respect for your father. Now take off those G-D flipflop, put on a pair of shoes and clean your bathroom.



  15. John
    June 12, 2008 2:02 pm

    As only child, I unfortunately have not had the chance to have conversations such as PG does with her sisters, but at least now I can live vicariously through her. ;)



  16. beaner
    June 12, 2008 2:24 pm

    Ha!
    I’m one of four girls and only one of us (not me) has good boobs. Not fair!
    I’m very impressed that you all vacation together!
    We can’t even plan a family dinner without major drama and sniping and bitching.
    If we went away & stayed in the same house, we’d last a day at the most.
    Have fun!



  17. Christina
    June 12, 2008 2:44 pm

    This post kind of makes me wish I had sisters. Oh well. Just one big, tall teenage brother for me who only likes to talk about boobs with his guy friends (and that’s *quite* alright with me)



  18. jim foreman
    June 12, 2008 5:44 pm

    The PittGirl family sounds like the Gilmore Girls, except with more pierogies.

    And more body issues.

    Yikes.



  19. Still A Fan
    June 12, 2008 7:47 pm

    if PittDad wasn’t reading, I’d suggest something like having an auction for $10k to go to the beach alone with the sistas…..well, I’d have to ask my wife first….



  20. RavishingRick
    June 12, 2008 9:23 pm

    Sounds like “All In The Family” to me



  21. bucdaddy
    June 12, 2008 9:32 pm

    The over on additions to the PG extended family around April 1, 2009, is:

    3



  22. Woy
    June 12, 2008 9:57 pm

    You didn’t tell me you had a donkey!



  23. Woy
    June 12, 2008 11:38 pm

    Or…. is that a mini-pony?



  24. tobasco
    June 13, 2008 7:49 am

    I understand that you’re just trying to share stories about your family here, but the flippant way you talk about eating disorders is truly disgusting. Eating disorders destroy lives and families. How could you joke about them like that?



  25. pittgirl
    June 13, 2008 8:31 am

    tobasco,

    While I understand your point, please also keep in mind that I see no difference between joking about having an eating disorder and joking about things like “that makes me want to shoot myself” or miming putting a gun to one’s head and firing when your boss won’t shut up.

    Suicide tears families apart and destroys lives as well.

    It’s simply a joke.



  26. RavishingRick
    June 13, 2008 6:39 pm

    Sounds like “All In The Family” to me



  27. Woy
    June 13, 2008 10:52 pm

    Spoon – that’s the newspaper clipping that Randy Pausch mentions in his book. He highlights the irony of her being pissed about the noise but smoking in the article’s photo. Nice.