Somebody call the wah-mbulance.

The Asshat has had about enough of this earning his money shit:

Holmes doesn’t care much for all the football practices that take place in the “offseason” and would like to see coaches reduce the amount of time players spend on the practice fields from April into June.

Toward that end, Holmes called his own timeout over the past few weeks. He pulled on his practice jersey and attended workouts but did little on the field in team drills during that time. He stayed out again yesterday and said he won’t practice in today’s final session.

“Just a lot of soreness throughout the whole body,” Holmes gave as his reason, “from all of these days going back to back, back to back. It’s kind of like guys were expecting more time off during the offseason, but this offseason we’ve had more time in. It’s taken a little wear and tear, now it’s time to rest the body a little bit.”

Some things:

1. Can you imagine Ryan Malone, Sidney Crosby, Ruutu, Orpik or you know what, pick a Penguin out of a hat … could you imagine them ever saying, “My body is taking wear and tear so I won’t be doing drills today. I’ll just be over here practicing my single axle.”

Never.

Hockey players might be the toughest athletes in the world.

2. If Santonio Holmes ever took a puck to the face, he would probably quit life.

3. He also said:

“There’s no point right now. I want to come into camp 100 percent, I don’t want to come out here and fatigue the body and tear hamstrings, quads, hurt ankles.”

Um. Can I tell him the point or would you like to? Me? ‘Kay. Santonio? The point is that, and this is a lesson I learned early in life, you do what your coach tells you to do. That’s because he is the coach and you are the player. The coach leads. You follow.

My tennis coach used to make us do 800 stomach crunches every single day in practice.

Eight. Hundred. Times. Five. Is. FOUR THOUSAND STOMACH CRUNCHES A WEEK.

It sucked. It hurt. I was sore all the time. But his philosophy was that if the core of the body was strong, EVERYTHING was strong. So I did what he said.

You see? He coached. We followed.  Whether we wanted to or not.

4. And here’s another thing to keep in mind, Santonio. It’s your JOB to do what the coach tells you to do. You’re being paid to do it.  Millions of dollars.

You’re the next Annoying Burgher and your crown is in the mail.  And by crown, I mean some big boy panties.  Cowboy up and put ’em on.

5. I’m going to go see what it would take to convince my self-united husband Daniel Sepulveda to punt this loser into the Mon. Hard.

(h/t MiamiShyner, whose most recent blog post made me spew coffee.)





24 Comments

  1. cityworker
    June 13, 2008 8:38 am

    Nice nod to “The Kid” in your title. I love that movie.



  2. Karen
    June 13, 2008 8:47 am

    Holmes can rest as much he wants in February…after the Super Bowl.



  3. toni
    June 13, 2008 8:59 am

    Well you do know its important to rest your sore achey body in a shower stall …and then post the pictures on the web so that Pittgirl can be scarred for life. :P Some things are just way more important then voluntary camps.



  4. BIGGEORGE
    June 13, 2008 9:00 am

    I agree with you about Holmes.

    But…

    I have one problem with 800 crunches.
    After the first 100, do you really think
    it helped?

    It would have been better to to add a
    little weight to those crunches to
    actually strengthen the muscle instead of
    just working them.

    You don’t strengthen a bicep by curling
    your hand. You strengthen it by adding
    resistence, or weight.

    How many times can you curl a can of arhn?
    How long would it take?

    I would be better to find a weight that
    you could curl a small number of times,
    say 8-10, untill you couldn’t curl
    anymore. This way you have strengthen
    your bicep in a most efficent way.

    BIGGEORGE



  5. sunshine
    June 13, 2008 9:01 am

    nicely put… HOLMES shut the F@#$% up and play FOOTBALL!!! IF the rest of us had a JOB that PAID as much as you get PAID then would we be crying about the WORK? NO… NO… NO… be grateful you have a JOB, but then again if your mouth continues to flap in the wind, especially to the media, then your JOB may be the BENCH!!!!



  6. spoon
    June 13, 2008 9:07 am

    I wish I got paid his cash to work 16 days out of the year. jackass. Oh wait, you have to deal with the cold and rain too. Holmes actually makes PennDOT look productive.



  7. Magnus Patris
    June 13, 2008 9:08 am

    You know, if all of a sudden the way athletes were paid changed, say you get $5000 a game; if you get a goal/home run/touchdown, you get a $1000 bonus, I wonder who’d be playing every day? Here’s the short list: The Pens, Nate McClouth, Doug Mentkeiwicz. Who wouldn’t “Santonio Holmes, Skippy the Skeeve. Any additions to either list? Discuss amongst yourselves.



  8. Go Daddy
    June 13, 2008 9:34 am

    Magnus,

    Don’t forget the other white athletes in town. Am I to understand that a hockey player has never sat out of practice?



  9. bucdaddy
    June 13, 2008 9:41 am

    Actually, I kind of wish they’d let an offseason be an offseason. Then we wouldn’t be treated to incredibly boring stories about who shows up when and who works out hard and who doesn’t and who’s running his mouth. I couldn’t possibly care less about any of this, or any of the blah-blah about training camp, or any of the blah-blah about exhbition games. I realize this is foreplay for a lot of people. A lot of people need to get lives.

    16 days out of 365 count. Stay focused, people.



  10. Mrs Pitsberger
    June 13, 2008 9:52 am

    Hey, give Santonio a break. If I had to carry a baseball bat around in my pants all day every day, I’d be too tired to practice, too.



  11. Angie :-)
    June 13, 2008 9:56 am

    can I please quote you on face book?
    Hilarious!

    “Hockey players might be the toughest athletes in the world. If Santonio Holmes ever took a puck to the face, he would probably quit life.” -PittGirl june 2008

    –Mrs Pitsberger, I was thinking the same thing hahaha



  12. Magnus Patris
    June 13, 2008 9:57 am

    #8 First, George Larocque is a Penguin who happens to also be black. Second, yes, hockey players have sat out practices, but they don’t whine about it in public, be they black, white or green. My apologies if this is posted twice.



  13. Go Daddy
    June 13, 2008 9:59 am

    To be fair, the Pens also don’t get the coverage that the Steelers do. Especially in the offseason. Sorry for bringing race into this, my bad.



  14. spoon
    June 13, 2008 10:02 am

    bucdaddy, that would kill 1/2 the news every night on WPXI then what they report? the news? PAH-LEASE



  15. unsatisfied
    June 13, 2008 10:22 am

    no wonder holmes is tired — he’s gotta lug that gigunda schlong around the practice field. that’s enough to choke a bitch.

    the pens don’t get the coverage that the steelers do??? did you not try to watch the news the past two months or so? and, I am sure that will continue this offseason — at least, until steelers’ training camp starts.



  16. Pittsburgh Tom (in NJ)
    June 13, 2008 10:50 am

    I’m not really bothered by Santonio’s comment. Mainly because he never talked or threatened about not participating. Also, it’s not training camp, it’s the offseason training.

    It would be nice if he talked to Tomlin about his feelings and not to the press, but he’s not pulling a Chad Johnson and keeping the team guessing on whether he will show up. He didn’t pull a disappearing act and not show up at all without telling the team why. He’s not pulling what some veterans do and hold out of training camp just because they don’t want to participate in training camp. He’s simply not giving his physical all in practices that always to me seemed more about learning than about performance. Doesn’t seem like that big of a deal to me. And I’m sure if it’s a big deal to Tomlin, Holmes will hear about it.



  17. Mitch Cumstein
    June 13, 2008 12:23 pm

    Loving this post, especially the “quit life” line.

    You know, I’m a lifelong Steelers fan, but was never much of a hockey fan growing up. But I’ll admit it, over the last few years, I started watching more and more hockey and I started understanding and appreciating the game. I jumped on the bandwagon. And I’m NEVER getting off. This post sums up the reason why.

    Anybody read this week’s SI, Michael Faber’s article about the Stanley Cup Finals? Please do. He quotes Scuderi as saying he skated down the ice “praying” he was bleeding from the high stick of OT so they’d get the man advantage. Nice.



  18. MiamiShyner
    June 13, 2008 5:02 pm

    5. Not the brown ball(s) I want to see Mr. S punting downfield, into the Mon, or anywhere else. :-)

    Is it football season yet?!?



  19. Mikey
    June 13, 2008 7:32 pm

    It’s pretty amazing that Santonio said this AFTER Coach Tomlin took the team bowling instead of making them practice the other day. I bet his “black magic” got caught in the ball return at the alley, that’s what probably made him complain. With meat like that you just gotta shower it then air dry for the rest of the day on your couch.



  20. Still A Fan
    June 13, 2008 7:34 pm

    i’m having a plaxback………..

    put that in your lexicon.



  21. Bob
    June 13, 2008 9:49 pm

    Jesus god the Santonio ding dong jokes are never going to end. I cant wait until he pulls a groin this year



  22. PittCheMBA
    June 13, 2008 10:12 pm

    Holy Cheese and Crackers, PittGirl must have washboard abs from all those crunches!



  23. bucdaddy
    June 14, 2008 9:11 am

    Bob, His own?

    (ba-da-BING, and stolen from the late, great Johnny Carson)

    Spoon,

    Well, they’d report on … ah … um … well …



  24. Chase
    June 15, 2008 9:21 pm

    He’s absolutely right. OTAs are meaningless for everyone but rookies.

    Once the pads come on at training camp, he’ll be there and be ready to get down to business.

    But why risk getting hurt in fucking OTAs?

    If anyone on here knew anything about football you’d know that Santonio is exactly right.