PittGirl Mines Craigslist: Put on some protective gear.

Presenting the latest crop of What The Effies to come out of Craigslist:

  1. Do you suppose that perhaps he used Photoshop on his teeth? I bet those glow in the dark.
  2. Speaking of teeth, he’s got “great teeth and excellent balance.”  But does he also have “no ear hair and legible penmanship”?  These are important traits.
  3. This is me being “philosophical” and this is me being “weird.”
  4. “Looking to pound some beers and some vag.”  AND, if that’s just not enough win for you, ladies, he also won $40 betting on NASCAR this year.  That $40 will buy you a lot of Milwaukee’s Best and hopefully a truckload of condoms and antibacterial spray.
  5. Forget the weird hairline in pictures 1 and 2.  Picture 3.  I think it’s the sexy jorts that made that photo so damn irresistible. You can’t go wrong with jorts. Ever.
  6. Of all the pictures to choose from
  7. This ad is listed in the “volunteers” section.  He “might return” the car by 3:00 p.m.  Might does not equal will.   (h/t In Sewickley)
  8. First, I cannot abide the fact that she doesnt’ know where to put the apostrophe in the contractions of don’t and won’t.  Secondly, I bet she thinks thats’ every mans’ dream girl.  Bikini.  Heels.  Beer.  Corvette.  Bay-bee.  She and NASCAR guy up there would live happily ever after.  Like a fairytale.  A fairytale that takes place in a trailer park.  In West Virginia.  And the Fairy Godmother is played by Ron Jeremy.




30 Comments

  1. Burgher in Maine
    June 19, 2008 9:07 am

    Wow. Bashing WV when you are about 50 miles away. You really got ’em good there.



  2. pittgirl
    June 19, 2008 9:10 am

    Dude. It’s just a joke.



  3. pghcleak
    June 19, 2008 9:10 am

    4. can’t be serious…he didn’t even spell pittsburgh right.

    8. Eek…I thought Wexford would have zoning rules or something to keep away people like that!



  4. deebee
    June 19, 2008 9:26 am

    6. Enjoys hiking all the way to the welfare office to find baby daddy #3.



  5. MiamiShyner
    June 19, 2008 9:30 am

    4. I just want to thank you for finding this as it has brought mirth and laughter to our office this morning. Thank goodness no one brings work to our office. Nothing like a guy that knows what he wants and states it up front.

    5. That guy should move to Miami where jorts are all the rage again…. http://www.miamiherald.com/living/style/story/572871.html



  6. bucdaddy
    June 19, 2008 10:07 am

    Thanks, burgher in Maine. I was about to be all “Hey! That’s uncalled-for! Make fun of Mississippi like we do, dammit,” but now I don’t have to.

    Methinks some of these listings are made up by aspiring comedy writers. I used to think the Letters to Penthouse were real too. When I was, like, 14.



  7. Go Daddy
    June 19, 2008 10:12 am

    Letters to Penthouse are NOT real? What? I need to reevaluate my life. All this time I’ve been looking for 36-24-36 amputees with insatiable sex drives, do you mean they are not as prevalent as I thought? Eff!



  8. joey
    June 19, 2008 10:22 am

    4. Wow…the guy has a mullet. What are the chances?

    5. Dude looks normal…which means he must be even freakier than people like #4.

    8. I thought we kept white trash out of Wexford…bummer…



  9. Kat
    June 19, 2008 10:28 am

    4. The phrase “pound some vag” makes my knees clamp together.



  10. Brian
    June 19, 2008 10:46 am

    OK, I think I’m ready for the world to end now.



  11. Cindy T.
    June 19, 2008 10:47 am

    All hilarious — thanks for the lunchtime laughter



  12. Susan
    June 19, 2008 11:41 am

    More reasons to be glad to be single.



  13. chrys
    June 19, 2008 11:59 am

    thank you.. it’s scary the things that can brighten your day.. again, thank you. LOL!



  14. xena
    June 19, 2008 12:10 pm

    And these folks have no idea why they are “available.”



  15. KGC
    June 19, 2008 12:12 pm

    #8. I think I see a fashion faux paus… black heels with a baby blue bikini?



  16. Ms. Caroline
    June 19, 2008 1:36 pm

    #6 – Taking applications for my next baby daddy – oh wait, no need. Taking all comers…….



  17. Megan
    June 19, 2008 2:59 pm

    Each time you post these, I’m afraid that I might see one of my nephews, lol. It just seems like something he’d do, sigh.



  18. Heidi
    June 19, 2008 3:24 pm

    #3 – so basically, if you have eyes – he’s turned on!



  19. bucdaddy
    June 19, 2008 5:31 pm

    Sorry to be the bad guy, Go Daddy. Um … do you know about Santa, the Easter Bunny and peace in the Middle East yet? :-)



  20. Lynne
    June 19, 2008 5:43 pm

    It’s interesting that my kids probably go to school with #8’s kids – I bet I’ll be able to pick her out at open house night!



  21. Mitch Cumstein
    June 19, 2008 5:58 pm

    Dear god did you really have to put Ron Jeremy at the top of this post spouting Cindarella lines? Dear god did I just write “Ron Jeremy” and “spouting?”



  22. sunshine
    June 19, 2008 8:03 pm

    beer and some vag??? let’s work on the mullet before we go any further… oh please



  23. sunshine
    June 19, 2008 8:05 pm

    The last one has three kids??? she is 36 years old.. hummm..one in college…?? was she 14 when she had her first? got to be the deal breaker there….



  24. Beth
    June 19, 2008 9:43 pm

    Am I the only one who does not know what jorts are? Somebody tell me what they are.



  25. _megankish__
    June 20, 2008 7:05 am

    Oh.My.Goodness. This post… *tear* has brought me so much joy and laughter. I may have a couple of nightmares but, MAN, that is funny.

    Thank You for many laughs this morning, thank you!



  26. ultraviolet
    June 20, 2008 8:03 am

    @sunshine, 18(years) + 18 = 36.
    36 – 14 = 22. much less likely.

    interestingly, that posting has been flagged for removal now. perhaps they are realizing that ANYONE perusing craigslist can see their postings? hopefully they will put some more thought into their proofreading.

    some of those others… can’t possibly be for real.



  27. pittgirl
    June 20, 2008 8:50 am

    Lovesthenorthside, HAH!

    Beth, jorts are jean shorts. ;)



  28. Mark
    June 20, 2008 1:14 pm

    4 + 8 = Love Connection…….Cue Chuck Woolery and his giant watch ( back in 2 and 2 )



  29. Beth
    June 21, 2008 10:05 am

    Thanks, Pittgirl. I felt so in the dark about jorts. I found this definition on urbandictionary.com

    Jorts 552 up, 75 down

    Jean shorts. Worn mostly by children and douchebags. Jorts are perhaps the easiest way to recognize people you will not like. If you wear jorts, you probably don’t talk to girls. The term “jorts” does not apply to jean shorts worn by black people, as those are entirely acceptable.
    The kid next to me was definitely a total dick; he was wearing jorts.