As you recall, my minions, that some he-bitch stole my purse not too long ago.

[deep calming breaths as the anger once again shoots smoke and foul language out of my ears.  I wonder if that guy has been karma-ed yet.]

Of course my drivers license was also stolen.

The necessary paperwork to get a new one is a form that must be notarized and asks the general questions.  Height?  Weight?  Gender?  How did you lose your license, ya moron?  It got stolen?  Because you left your car unlocked?  Wow.  You don’t deserve a new one. I guess we’ll send you a new one if you answer this final question about your eye color.

Blue. No, that would be Tina Fey, Ta-Ta, Pens Fan and Ohio Sister, all of whom were blessed with beautiful blue eyes.

Brown. Sure why the hell not.  Let’s go with that.  Unless brown/hazel is going to be a later option.

Green. I wish!

Hazel. Sometimes.

Pink. Wait.  What?!

The Commonwealth of Pennsylvania would like to think that there are more pink eyes than there are black, grey, di-chromatic, or “other” eyes, which are the four choices that follow the “pink” option.

Do they mean this kind of pink, which is a Halloween costume accessory:

Or THIS kind of pink eye?

If they mean the diseased, conjunctivitis-ridden, yellow-crusted pink eye, then I’m very tempted to check off “Pink” and then check off “Other” and write in “also I have a sty on my eye” praying that I get my license back with “Eye color: Pink Sty.”

Who are these people with pink eyes?

I bet the scientologists have something to do with this.

Category: Eye rolls | June 27, 2008 | | ShareThis