This morning, I became that which I hate.
While driving in, I noticed in my rear-view mirror a tan Buick flying up the road behind me, it in the left lane and me in the right lane.
Flying, I tell you. Grrr, I tell myself. Stupid maniac drivers.
So I got over in the left lane.
I needed to anyway as my turn was coming up soon. I didn’t cut the Buick off, mind you, and I put my blinker on. He probably didn’t even need to brake, I did it so early. But yeah, I wanted to put my car in between his car and wherever the hell he felt the need to speed to.
So the Buick, pissed, I’m sure, moved over to the right lane to try to pass me on the right before that lane became a turn-only lane.
So I ground my foot down into the gas pedal all, “Uh. Uh. Jerk. I don’t care that I just paid $4.09 a gallon for this gas that I’m wasting. I will show. you.”
The Buick, surely VERY pissed by now, was forced to return to the left lane, only this time BEHIND me.
Hah! Take that, jerk.
While we meandered down the one-lane street for a bit, the Buick was on my ass. I mean, ON. MY. ASS. despite the fact that I was going 10 mph over the speed limit and I thought, gee, I hope I haven’t invited any road rage into my life with this vigilante driving justice I’ve suddenly decided it is my duty to mete out.
I ran a few evasive maneuvers through my head. Just in case the bullets started flying. I started noting street names. Just in case I needed to tell the cops where I was when the bullets started flying.
When finally we hit the Parkway, when finally the Buick was free from my bumper, when finally the Buick could get around me (which mind you, I was now driving 70 mph) I turned to look as it passed, thinking that I wish I was the kind of person who wasn’t afraid to flip other drivers off, but realizing I AM afraid, I instead resigned myself to a “you suck” glare as the driver passed.
That’s when I noticed the driver was a 75-year-old white-haired lady driving what appeared to be her 13-year-old granddaughter.
Yeah. I showed her.