Penguins News Roundup

So much to point you toward. Here goes:

1. First up, the Nine Funniest NHL Names of All Time.

Of course, our new Penguin Satan is on there. So is Harry Dick.

Tee-hee. Somebody’s parents hated him.

2. A letter to the Winnipeg Sun:

All of us who have played hockey, and faced an opponent you just know you can’t beat now (or any time soon) realize Hossa’s logic. During the first two games of the Stanley Cup final, it looked like the Red Wings were playing against some playground-level team, they controlled the play so well (I remember saying “Aw! Come on! Let those poor Penguins at least touch the puck once or twice).

Hossa has announced which team is going to win the Stanley Cup next year through his actions.

There’s somebody else that can bite me.

3. Sportsnet’s Pierre LeBrun wrote:

I respect Hossa for leaving a tonne of cash on the table in Edmonton because he wanted to win. That has to be respected. But wouldn’t winning with the young Penguins and helping them get over the hump be way more satisfying than jumping in the Wings limo and ordering a ring through the drive-thru window?

Especially when you consider how Hossa and [Sidney] Crosby developed a nice bond during the playoffs. And Crosby even phoned Hossa on Wednesday morning, pleading with him to come back.

Ugh. Hate.

4. Snapshots then does a nice roundup of what the media is saying about Marian Hossa. Dislike. Disdain. Disgust. And hatred.

Lots of hatred.

5. TSN’s Darren Dreger says the Penguins are pissed:

The Pittsburgh Penguins, though, look at Hossa’s signing with Detroit for one year and $7.45 million as a slap in the face. Why is that? Because of the term, not so much because of the money.

6. Some piece of shit named Matt Ellenberger wrote for the Bleacher Report:

When “Sid the Kid” was drafted by the Pittsburgh Penguins in 2005, he was supposed to revive the NHL. Unfortunately for him, a young star named Alexander Ovechkin claimed the “face of the league” from Crosby.

NBC, however, apparently didn’t get the message.

To say the NBC hockey announcers, Mike Emrick and Ed Olczyk, respect Crosby is an absolute understatement. While Crosby is a great player and deserves the praise of the NBC commentators, he isn’t the one who “revived the NHL,” and he isn’t the best player in the league, as the NBC guys would like to think.

Dude. I don’t know about you, but the face of MY NHL is definitely this:

And not so much this:

Shiver. That is a WHOLE lot of fug.


  1. McSmooth
    July 8, 2008 10:37 am

    They left former Penguin Zarley Zalapsky off that list.

    Radek Bonk is an amusing name, too.

  2. I love Janelle Hall
    July 8, 2008 10:56 am

    Ovechkin looks like he is one of the Elite Hunting group from Hostel.

  3. shouldbworking
    July 8, 2008 11:11 am

    I hate to say it, but I do love Alex Ovechkin…even though he looks like Mr. Larson from Happy Gilmore (Guns don’t kill people, I kill people!!). I don’t agree that he’s better than Crosby, though.

    As for Hossa, I could care less about him. I never really liked him in the first place. And this makes me like him even less.

  4. bucdaddy
    July 8, 2008 11:13 am

    Sour grapes, my my.

  5. John
    July 8, 2008 11:16 am

    Yeah… Ovechkin is the face of the NHL. Right. And just how far did the Caps make it in the playoffs this year? That’s what I thought. *eye roll*

  6. strugglingwriter
    July 8, 2008 11:36 am

    Hossa will get injured the first ten times he steps on the ice with Detroit, just like he did with the Pens. Anyone remember that?

    My blood pressure rose a bit just reading this post. I’m off to watch some more of those Hossa jersey burning videos now to calm down.

  7. Me
    July 8, 2008 11:39 am

    I always thought that Darius Kasparaitis was one of the funniest hockey player names. “Dude, I caught a bad case of Kasparaitis…”

  8. Brian
    July 8, 2008 1:00 pm

    Kelly Buchberger was pretty good one too (and like Tugnutt, a former Penguin!).

    As for bias against Sid, probably the same folks who have tried to blackball Mario in the press over Gretzky. I mean, Gretzky was obviously one of the greatest ever, maybe THE best, sure, but you’d think Mario was some hack. Let Sid and Alex count their Cups when it’s all over.

  9. parking chair
    July 8, 2008 2:08 pm

    Hmmm… Wouldn’t it be great if Harry Dick happened to meet my favorite football player name – former Detroit Lions Defensive Back Harry Colon.

    No wonder he was defensive.

  10. unsatisfied
    July 8, 2008 2:15 pm

    how’s about nascar’s own dick trickle?

    from the looks of this blog, methinks that pens fans’ public enemy #1 next season will now be hossa, since jagr ran off to russia n’all…..

  11. Custard
    July 8, 2008 2:21 pm

    If it comes down to the Redwings and the Pens again in the Cup finals, sure Hossa will be public enemy #1. But it will always, always be a player in a Flyers sweater that is the worst enemy of all.

  12. Ex-Pat Pittsburgh Girl
    July 8, 2008 2:45 pm

    Custard — That’s Church!

  13. Maria
    July 8, 2008 5:31 pm

    My opinion? The Pens did well without Hossa before, they can do well without him again. Maybe losing him was a blessing in disguse- it freed up a lot of cap space and Shero managed to sign some pretty promising players. I can’t wait until October so I can see how Janne Pesonen turns out.

    I like Ovechkin, but I have to say that Crosby is ‘the face of th NHL.’ Of course, being a Pens fan, I’m biased. But regardless of who is the better player, Crosby has a likeability factor that Ovechkin does not. Plus I can look at a picture of Crosby without thinking “OMG what is wrong with his face?!”

  14. PittCheMBA
    July 8, 2008 6:09 pm

    AO gives new meaning to fug. PittGirl, you need to create a new nickname, Duke/Earl, is already taken.

  15. bucdaddy
    July 8, 2008 6:20 pm

    Kasparaitis = contracted from friendly ghosts

  16. Dave
    July 8, 2008 10:37 pm

    Maybe I’m slow to pick up on this since I just watched the movie tonight, but doesn’t the creepy dude from No Country for Old Men look like (a creepy, older version of) Max Talbot?

    Exhibit A:

    Exhibit B:

  17. Kelli
    July 8, 2008 10:42 pm

    I’m a Pitt student who found herself in Northern Michigan for the 4th. The small town parade there was great until a big, ugly red pickup came bumbling along, its passengers shouting and holding a homemade Stanley Cup aloft. Ugh.

    It was so heartwarming when Hossa was talking about staying on in the Burgh for less money. But this is more disgusting than a whole parade of those bumbling, red pick-ups.

  18. Kelli
    July 8, 2008 10:49 pm

    Also, in defense of Crosby, I am from Dallas, Texas. When I tell people I go to school in Pittsburgh they often ask me, I kid you not, what STATE Pittsburgh is in. But my running partner’s seven-year-old son’s FAVORITE player is Sidney Crosby. So, if Texans have more knowledge about a hockey player from the Burgh than the Burgh itself, I think that says something about that player. Seriously, who the hell is Ovechkin?

  19. Me
    July 9, 2008 8:06 am

    Bucdaddy – Good one!

  20. PittinDC
    July 9, 2008 8:42 am

    Here’s the real question: when most people in your own city don’t know who you are, how can you be the face of the NHL?? I am positive if I took a picture of Ovechkin around my office, most people would have no idea who he is. If I took a picture of Crosby around my company’s Pittsburgh office, everyone would know who he is. Granted, DC is a horrible town for hockey, but still.. the classification seems a bit suspect to me.

  21. deebee
    July 9, 2008 9:22 am

    Dave… you are right just watched the movie last night and Max Talbot does look like him!

  22. Alyssa
    July 9, 2008 9:40 am

    Ell. Oh. Ell.

    Crosby>Ovechkin. That’s just that.

    I don’t know a single person that would say otherwise. (Okay, well, maybe one, but he’s a frat-douche, so whatever.)

    Hossa is a jerkface. High-five to the guy who made his jump to the Redwings the equivalent of ordering the Cup at a drive-thru. High-five, my man.

  23. Johnny Guitar
    July 9, 2008 10:16 am

    Speaking of funny names….I work with a guy named
    Harry Beavers!! Talk about mean parents!!!!

    Hi Mel !!!!

  24. bucdaddy
    July 9, 2008 10:34 am

    True story: I used to work in a newspaper sports department with a copy editor whose name was Debbie Jock. She confided to me once that she grew up hating her name, as you might imagine, and when she got married it was going to be to a guy who had a nice, normal name, and she would be free at last.

    She married Bobby Smelley.

  25. Pensgirl
    July 9, 2008 10:38 am

    I don’t want to waste too much energy typing about Hossa, but I’ll say this: he was the one who initiated talks with Detroit, so it seems that Alyssa’s characterization is actually pretty apt. He seems to have mulled over the SCF and decided that the Wings are unbeatable, and if that’s how he feels then I’m glad they signed him and he didn’t end up here as his second choice with that attitude. We need players who believe.

    Enter Miro Satan. According to the Post-Gazette, he decided by watching the playoffs that he simply had to be a Penguin. That’s more like it! Miro may not be as talented as Hossa, but that kind of enthusiasm is exactly what we need.

    And then you have the votes of confidence by Malkin, Fleury, and Orpik – those contracts are more important than anything else we could have done (and I can’t say enough how much I love Malkin and Crosby having identical deals. There is no better way to show that this team belongs to both of them). Of the players we’ve drafted and developed, we’ve extended/signed all but Malone and have only Jordan Staal to go. Keeping that core, to me, is worth more than a million talented free agents.

  26. Lyon Advocate
    July 9, 2008 10:43 am

    Not really a name issue, but “Harry Beavers” inspired me:

    Behind the South Hills Village Mall was, for a number of years, a Busy Beaver hardware store. Busy Beaver is awful and, I assume, could not afford the rent at such a prime location – I believe they stick to strip malls in Beruit now – so they closed. So what moved into the old Busy Beaver location … Dicks (Sporting Goods)!!

  27. unsatisfied
    July 9, 2008 12:17 pm

    years ago, I worked in the credit division of a local retailer.

    we would send out those annoying credit card solicitations in the mail on occasion.

    one was to a person with (perhaps) the actual name of “well hung lo”.

  28. Jimmy the Freak
    July 9, 2008 1:12 pm

    I used to work with a guy named John John John. First name John, middle name John, and last name John.

    Also a lawyer at the same company named Richard Munch. Insisted on being called Dick.

  29. A Model Citizen
    July 9, 2008 1:48 pm

    Bad name, went to high school with a guy named Harold Ball. Yup, Harry Ball.

    Good, I can now where my “I ‘heart’ Satan” T-shirt out, and too a hockey game no less. (the shirt was a gag gift from college)

  30. bucdaddy
    July 9, 2008 7:54 pm

    I have in my possession a newspaper photo of a man and his two little girls fishing. His name and their last name are unimportant. The girls are Jenna and Talia.

  31. NoSellingWasteOfMyspace
    July 9, 2008 10:19 pm

    Hossa would still be a Penguin if it weren’t for those goddamn Detroit tourism commercials I’ve been seeing on television. Especially the one where Hossa is sitting at the negotiating table with Shero and keeps getting video messages on his phone from Conklin where he’s gambling, standing in front of a statue and, um, gambling (I’m pretty sure that’s all you can do in Detroit and stay alive.)

  32. PensFan
    July 18, 2008 1:39 pm

    Hossa…. come on, we all knew that he was a rental player. I was surprised when he said he’d resign with the Pens, I was pretty sad when he didn’t. I really hope his playing style rubbed off on some of the young Penguins. Hossa’s defensive play was incredible and he will be missed. Sorry guys, but I can’t hate him, wished he chose Pittsburgh to Detroit though.

    How can anyone hate Ovechkin? He plays with heart, aggression and he’s non stop. I wish Malkin played with as much intensity.