Lemons. Just lemons.

Life has gotten weird.

Two pink eyes so swollen I look Asian.

A close family friend lost his battle with cancer two days ago.

$800 worth of repairs needed to the car AC.

$250 for a new windshield for that same car.

Life can bite me.

That said, when life throws me little tiny lemons, I look to those people who are getting lemons violently and rapidly fired at them from the tennis ball-shooter machine.

1.  Bring in Adam Frey, please.  The Burgher that got cancer and then beat cancer, is now in the throes of a chemo-resistant recurrence that is giving him a 40-60% shot at living or dying.

(h/t Jill)

2.  Bring in Randy Pausch whose tumor marker is up to 1,600 and whose weight is down to 142 lbs and whose body can no longer handle the chemo.

3.  Bring in John Challis, please, who was treated to a day in New York by A-Rod, who also offered to drive the kid to the ballpark.  Problem was that the asshole paparazzi decided to ambush A-Rod about his marriage.  Ugh.  Poor John.  Watch the video here.

Most days, I’d like to Chuck Norris the paparazzi in the collective donkey omelets.  When they make John Challis look that concerned/confused, I want to put them in a barn and destroy it with a shoulder-fired rocket launcher and a very evil Mwah-hahaha!

Suddenly, it’s very hard for me to care about me very much.


  1. Allison
    July 9, 2008 11:24 am

    I’m so sorry to hear about everything PittGirl. I hope things get better for you (and Adam, Randy and John) soon!

  2. Mitch Cumstein
    July 9, 2008 11:55 am


    Not to be selfish, but I need your help in your time of sorrow. I, too, need a new windshield but didn’t get a quote that came anywhere near $250. Can you tell me where that was?


  3. Brian
    July 9, 2008 11:58 am

    To both PittGirl and Mitch: Did you check your auto insurance policies? Lots of them cover windshields, where you pay nothing. I guess it depends on what kind of coverage you have. Anyway, I know mine does, and I didn’t realize it til someone there pointed it out to me. Just an idea. Might save you some money.

  4. Angie :-)
    July 9, 2008 12:15 pm

    Try Harmon Auto Glass, my windshield was cracked straight across. it was like $170 for my 2004 Impala. They gave us a quote over the phone. :-)

    I hope you feel better Pittgirl..

  5. Stephanique1
    July 9, 2008 1:05 pm

    When life hands a you lemons, you make a some limoncello :-)

  6. Maria
    July 9, 2008 1:52 pm

    This is what I do when life gives me lemons.

    In all seriousness, though, I admire that you’re putting it all in perspective. When I was in college and thought I was having a bad week I’d go volunteer at Children’s. It was a nice way to be bitch slapped by reality. I actually might start doing that again.

  7. lovesthenorthside
    July 9, 2008 2:37 pm

    so church, pg. i wish you and everyone else being lobbed lemons the relief brought about by lemonade, alcoholic or not.

    there were 4 churches in this little town, overrun with pigeons. the presbyterian church decided it was god’s will and did nothing. since the pigeons in the baptist church took up residence in their bapistry, they decided to cover it and drown them. they escaped and multiplied. the methodists decided it was against god’s will to harm the pigeons, so they played falcon recordings in the hopes they would leave. they too became fruitful and multiplied. the catholic church, making lemonade out of lemons, baptized them and made them members of the church, and now they only see the pigeons on christmas and easter.

  8. Erin
    July 9, 2008 3:57 pm

    Good for you, PG. I really appreciate how you’re able to put it all in perspective. It doesn’t mean the things that happen to you don’t suck, but you are aware enough to realize they could be worse. Hang in there!

  9. wow
    July 9, 2008 4:03 pm

    “Two pink eyes so swollen I look Asian.”

    Poor PG. “looking asian” must be so difficult for you. At least you can find comfort in the fact that you will not have to “look asian” for very long.

    Good luck John, Randy, and Adam.

  10. pittgirl
    July 9, 2008 4:46 pm

    Hey, wow. You can bite me, too.

    Look at me, feeding the trolls again.

  11. A Model Citizen
    July 9, 2008 5:41 pm

    Pittgirl and Mitch
    brian is right, in most states (sorry I’m not positive about PA) if you have Comprehesive coverage it will cover a windshield (here is FL it is free!). I work in the field so I’m not talking out my a$$.

    oh and for some reason Pittgirl, I always pictured you as Asian. Don’t know why.
    Hope you feel better

  12. Joe
    July 9, 2008 6:07 pm

    A Model Citizen said …oh and for some reason Pittgirl, I always pictured you as Asian. Don’t know why.

    I had the same thought. Oh well, I guess fantasy never matches reality.

  13. deebee
    July 9, 2008 7:16 pm

    Asian…no I’ve always pictured somthing more like Julie Bologna.

  14. Alex
    July 9, 2008 11:04 pm

    Hang in there. It’s great that you can keep it all in perspective. Thanks for posting the links to the other stories – it helps me try to do the same! Enjoy the end of the week – hope it improves for you.

  15. Steeler_tom
    July 9, 2008 11:04 pm

    Hang in there, thanks for bringing things into perspective for me too.

    Incidentally, when my next door neighbor was diagnosed with Cancer almost 2 years ago, I made her some fresh homemade raspberry lemonade.
    Things are still not going great for her so tonight I took over a homemade coffee cake. (she was tickeled pink)


  16. In Sewickley
    July 10, 2008 1:16 am

    Can I tell you what not to ever do?

    Don’t buy the June edition of Whirl magazine where Randy Pausch’s last lecture is written word for word and read it on an airplane. I don’t think I had a dry eye from Philly to Pittsburgh.

    It’s people like Randy Pausch and Adam Frey that should be heroes and inspirations to us all. I know they are to me.

  17. JamieO
    July 10, 2008 8:16 am

    Saying your eyes look Asian is not a racist insult, it’s a description.

    I wonder if Asians with pink eye have eyes that look European? That would be sort of alarming to an Asian person as well.

    I agree about putting things into perspective. You yourself may be the person putting others’ thoughts in perspective one day. That’s a good reason to cherish what you have right now.

  18. unsatisfied
    July 10, 2008 9:46 am

    mmmmmmmmmmmmmm — julie bologna.

    maybe an asian version of julie bologna…..

  19. cynical
    July 10, 2008 11:34 am

    I think the Asian comment, while not overtly racist, was definitely stereotypical.

    Then again, it’s extremely easy to see how white people fail to see how a comment like that can be construed as racist.

    Here are some words for fodder: honky, whitey, cracker, nazi, supremacist bigots

    White people: your reaction?

    No matter how you read the aforementioned list of derogatory words for white people, they can never sting cockasians as much as the derogatory words that sting minorities. No matter the intended harmlessness of the intention.

    White straight people in this country will NEVER be able to relate to what it’s like to be a minority or a homosexual whenever even the slightest off-color racial, sexual orientation comment is made. I don’t care how politically correct you are or think you are.

    I can call you all cracka all day long and it won’t really sting or phase anyone white. At the end of the day, you’ll still be white. Greasers will still be greasers, and socs will still be socs. But someone says chink or n**gger or homo, or let’s bring it down to a less malicious level…even just makes a “harmless” joke about race or orientation…. you might as well put a big sign on the person’s forehead that says “I’m not like you.” ‘Cause that’s sure how it feels.

    So get back in your big ass SUV, throw your cigarettes out the window, and talk on your cell phone while putting on make-up. The last line is a joke, but admit it, it’s not all that offensive, or accurate even is it?

    So thanks PittGirl… thanks for reminding me that since I’m Asian I have slanty eyes. Cause I’ve never seen a white person with slanty eyes.

  20. pittgirl
    July 10, 2008 11:46 am

    Okay, now where did I say that Asian eyes were ugly?

    I am so frickin’ confused.

    My eyes were swollen and it gave me an Asian look. I find Asians to be hot.


  21. unsatisfied
    July 10, 2008 12:22 pm

    you know, thanks to “cynical” for bringing up some great points. (though, my former neighbor is white with slanted eyes — cuz they’re from eastern russia n’all. and, what the hell about clint eastwood?)

    who says that I, as a white male, can’t relate? to quote ben folds: y’all don’t know what it’s like/bein’ male, middle-class n’white….

    but, more than that — as a swedish-danish-irish-american, I take offense to the depiction of swedes as meatball-and-abba-lovin’ vikings. in fact, I demand that the minnesota NFL team change their name immediately. and, there is no swedish word known as “bork” — frankly, I blame the swedish chef from the muppet show for all of this.

    as for the danes — eh, what the hell do they ever do that people make fun of, besides the fact that they’re sweden’s bitches?

    and, don’t even get me started on notre dame and st. patrick’s day and that god-damned lucky charms a-hole.

  22. Mitch Cumstein
    July 10, 2008 12:26 pm

    Thanks to Cynical, we’ve got a new stereotype to use. We can say, “I’m feeling so whiny today, I’m almost Asian.”

    There’s nothing racist (or prejudicial) about saying Asians have eyes that are slanted. It’s not a stereotypical comment, either.

    It’s like saying people of Irish heritage have pale skin and burn easily. It’s just true. Now if you said Irish people are all drunks (that’s true, by the way) or that Asians tend to take a lot of photographs when visiting Niagra Falls (that’s true, also), that’s some stereotyping, there.

  23. Mitch Cumstein
    July 10, 2008 12:28 pm

    By the way, I had always pictured PittGirl as a hot Asian chick, too. Not sure why, but I guess that’s not the case. Definitely dark hair, though.

  24. Joe
    July 10, 2008 12:29 pm

    To cynical.. Wow!!! So your saying this country is not perfect. That is some insight. I really want to move to a place where none of what you said is true. Is there a place called Fantasyland???

    Cut PG some slack.

  25. pittgirl
    July 10, 2008 12:32 pm

    unsatisfied and Mitch, HAH!

    Also, no, I’m not Asian. But yes, definitely a brunette.

  26. cynical
    July 10, 2008 1:13 pm

    so if someone gets punched in the mouth and their lips swell up, would you say they look like an african-american?

    like I said. you’ll never be able to relate… maybe I’m being extreme and whiny, and you can make irish and danish and Notre Dame comparisons all you want… you’ll never be able to relate. cause swedish, danish and irish are all white.

    the nature of Asian eyes may empirically be more narrow than white eyes. that is true statement.

    but you’ll never be able to relate to how much it stings when you’re a kid at recess and someone pulls the corners of their eyes to make themselves look chinese. Whether intentional or not, PittGirl’s comment invoked that memory.

    nature of replies to my post prove my point. instead of seeing from my point of view, you view me as whiny Asian. because you not able to see from my point of view. it not slam, it just something you not understand because you white.

    i go be whiny all arone now… I dlown my sorrow in bowl of cream of some young guy… I be good gasian from now on

  27. Seriously?
    July 10, 2008 1:54 pm

    Good Lord! Why do people always have to turn stuff into a racial issue. Have you ever thought that maybe it doesn’t hurt white people when you call them cracker or whatever b/c we are proud of who we are and our heritage. Maybe you should do the same and be proud if you are asian or african-american and stop bitching all the time b/c you are “different.” You are the one’s who make yourselves different by always complaining about it. So shut it and be proud if you have slanted eyes or big lips. Life’s what you make it.

  28. L
    July 10, 2008 1:58 pm

    Cynical said:
    “At the end of the day, you’ll still be white. Greasers will still be greasers, and socs will still be socs.”

    Okay, I’m clearly a bad honky here, because I don’t know what a soc is. HOW DID I MISS THIS RACIAL SLUR?

    Anyone care to enlighten me?

  29. spoon
    July 10, 2008 2:05 pm

    I prefer to be called European American thank you. Appalachian American will work also.

    unsatisfied, dude we’re just mutts.

  30. AndDontCallMeShirley
    July 10, 2008 2:12 pm

    Great post “Seriously?” All that there white pride stuff makes me feel so darn good. YeeHaw!

    So when is the next meetin’?

    Mitch and Unsatisfied – You guys gonna be there?

  31. cynical
    July 10, 2008 2:20 pm

    Seriously: don’t you see that your response is continuing to make my point for me? You don’t see where I’m coming from. You can’t see where I’m coming from. Instead of at least acknowledging that maybe, slightly possibly I have a point from my whiny Asian point of view, you get all mad and stuff and tell me to be proud of my slanted eyes and big ass lips. Failing to see that slanted eyes are made fun of by people. But you don’t know about that because no one ever made fun of your eyes. At least not that I know of.

    Whites don’t turn things into racial issues, ’cause they’re white. It’s impossible, unless of course you’re white in China, or white in India. Maybe there you could turn things into racial issues.

    L: “Greasers will still be greasers, and socs will still be socs.” It’s a line from the movie the Outsiders. You didn’t miss on a racial slur there. So you’re still a good honky.

    i’m not bitching because I’m different. i’m bitching because…

    Do you know how hard it is to be Asian? How hard it is to have to be smart all the time and to know karate? And then when people find out you don’t know karate, they put jock straps on your head? How tough it is to walk naked and not worry that your johnson is going to knock against your leg because it’s so small? How ashamed your parents are when you get an A-? I just can’t take it anymore. I just can’t. I can’t take only being able to see 70% of everything you can see. I can’t take not being able to pronounce words like “superficially” or “logistically.” I’m not gonna take it. We’re not gonna take it! We’re not gonna take it! We’re not gonna take it, anymore! So take that Niederbaum. I’m going back to see if I can be FIRST on AintItCool.com comments instead.

  32. Seriously?
    July 10, 2008 2:29 pm

    Shirley it’s next Wed. Wanna come?

  33. Zsa
    July 10, 2008 2:29 pm

    No, cynical, you’re not bitching because you’re different. You’re bitching because you’re lame.

    Seriously, do you actually read this blog regularly or do you just google the word “Asian” every morning to see if there’s something new on the internet to offend you?

  34. PittGirl
    July 10, 2008 2:33 pm


    Just because we weren’t made fun of for our eyes, doesn’t mean that we weren’t made fun of just as badly.

    Bullies ALWAYS find something to tear apart.

    I have NEVER made fun of an Asian for their looks in my life.

    Saying that my eyes look Asian isn’t an insult unless you project it on me as an insult. Dude. I was in love with Byung YUM Kim.

    I can see where you were hurt in the past, but perhaps you shouldn’t project your insecurities about it onto someone who didn’t even say a bad thing about Asian eyes.

    Hell, I’d do Lucy Liu if I was a lesbian.

    God. Did I just offend the lesbians now?

  35. Seriously?
    July 10, 2008 2:35 pm

    Actually Cynical I have been picked on b/c my eyes ARE slanted. And back when I was in elementary/middle school it did upset me. But then instead of being insecure about it, I embraced it. And now I love my eyes and think they are one of my best features. I wasn’t trying to be mean. Everyone has been made fun of for something or other. But instead of continuing to let it get to you, you should be proud of who you are and where you come from b/c you can’t change it. That’s all I was trying to say.

  36. cynical
    July 10, 2008 2:41 pm

    I see the error of my ways. I am ashamed and lame. You are all correct. I am wong. I mean wrong.

    I will thrust myself upon my sword now.

  37. cynical
    July 10, 2008 2:41 pm

    did I at least generate traffic to http://www.hillaryclinton.com?

  38. Joe
    July 10, 2008 3:04 pm

    I see. cynical has been using this blog. Damn Asians%^$#@ Why are they always smarter than everyone else?

  39. PittGirl
    July 10, 2008 3:10 pm

    Cynical = smartest, most crafty person on earth.

  40. unsatisfied
    July 10, 2008 3:11 pm



  41. emstef23
    July 11, 2008 8:34 am

    I think that we should all just be proud of who we are no matter our race, color or creed.

    Fact of the matter is – there was no malicious intent behind Pittgirl’c comment about her swollen eyes. I feel bad for the person who took it as a slam against their race, because she was just using it as a description. To turn it into anything else is just ridonkulous!!

    Leave her alone dang it – she’s got the Texas Death.

    Oh wait – you know – (sarcasm coming, just an FYI) – I used to live in Texas, should I be offended that she calls her illness the Texas Death?

    What is this world coming to that we can’t use a little humor to lighten up a crappy moment in our lives.

    If people don’t like what PG has to say, then maybe they shouldn’t read it.

    PG – keep up the good work. Your blog provides many of us with a much needed dose of humor and reality to our day and I for one think you are a peach.

    Though never pictured you as either Asian or Julie Bologna…hmm…

  42. Ravishing Rick
    July 14, 2008 1:00 pm

    Trisha Takanawa