1. On Saturday, my Mother picked me up to take me to my sister’s house because due to this eye infection, I cannot drive. After we hung out at Pens Fan’s house for a bit, we hopped in my car so she could drop me off at home, but instead she says, “Let me take you to my house first. You must meet our new coffee maker. You are going to DIE!”
“I’m in no condition to be meeting new appliances. What’s so great about it? Does it send 20,000 volts to the nipples of Marian Hossa every time you brew with it?”
“You are going to LOVE IT! Just wait.”
Burghers, I want to self-unite with this coffee machine, I love it so much.
You take one of the little tiny containers and you pop it in, pull down the handle, put your mug underneath, push the button, give it six seconds and BAM! DELICIOUS FRESHLY-BREWED NO WAIT COFFEE!
I hate my coffee maker now. It’s so inferior. I swear it buys its clothes at Aldi’s.
2. A conversation with my BIL:
BIL: [showing me a pocket-sized Steelers 2008 schedule] PittGirl. Look at this … [points to the first game against Houston] Win …
PG: Oh, I’m not listening to you tell me that we’re going to win all of our games.
BIL: PittGirl. Look at this. [points again] Win. Loss. Loss. Loss. Loss. Loss. Loss. Loss. You guys are screwed.
PG: Wait. “You guys”?
BIL: I’m a Raiders fan.
PG: For the past two years you’ve been a Steelers fan, too. One year of babymama beating, Jeff Reed being Jeff Reed, giant penises in the shower, and a general inching down on the character chart and you turn your back on us. For shame, BIL. For shame.
3. Dejan graded the Buccos in his midterm report card. Of note, Dougy got a B, but got an A+ on the “intangibles”. Freddy Sanchez got a D-. Ooooohh. Harsh, Dejan!
4. Oh, John McCain.
McCain recently told a local television reporter that as a prisoner of war in Vietnam he recited the Steelers’ defensive line when pressured to name the men in his squadron.
In his autobiography “Faith of My Fathers,” the Arizona senator claimed he gave the names of the Green Bay Packers’ offensive line.
What he MEANT to say was, “I recited the starting line up of the NLF team of whatever city I am currently campaigning in, unless your city has no football team, in which case I recited the names of every soldier from your city, unless there were no soldiers from your city, in which case I recited the names of your streets in alphabetical order.”
5. The Cutting Edge column has shouted out to me several times in the past weeks and I haven’t shouted back. Just fixing that.
6. The Carbolic Smoke Ball is reborn and I LOVE IT!
7. Current word I’m sick of, replacing the word “green”. Veepstakes. Ugh.
8. I’m on Plurk now. In case you are, too.