Don Banks from Sports Illustrated gives a rundown of various Steelers news out of training camp, and of note, he wrote about Smokin’ Hot Burgher Jeremy Bloom:
My all-time favorite mogul skier is in camp with the Steelers. Wide receiver Jeremy Bloom has a legitimate shot to win the team’s wide-open competition at punt returner. Bloom, a fifth-round pick of the Eagles in 2006, told me he finally started feeling like a full-fledged football player last year, when his legs finally made the transition to the sport from skiing.
Anything is better than what we’ve had, punt-return wise, particularly better than Butterfingers Asshat, who says he’d like another shot at it.
“The more involved I can get in the offense and touching the ball early in the game – whether it’s fair-catching or getting the ball 6, 7 yards on a punt return – the better I think I’ll play throughout the whole game,” Holmes said Wednesday, after the next-to-last of the Steelers’ offseason workouts at their South Side training complex.
You guys, he thinks he’s doing us a favor if he can regularly manage to get a whopping six yards on a punt return. Six yards!
He’s reaching for the stars.
“That’s the coaches’ mindset,” Holmes said. “They want me to be the best wide receiver to help this team and not risk going out there and getting injured. If that’s the way they feel, I’ve got to go with it and be more of a football player and just play football.”
I don’t have time to address the brilliance of the phrase “be more of a football player and just play football” because I’m afraid we mere mortals cannot begin to understand the complexity of that statement.
Asshat, and I say that respectfully (no I don’t. I say it like this: “Aaaaasss-haaaaaaat”), Coach Tomlin not wanting you to return punts has nothing to do with not wanting you to get injured, you giant giant stupid doofus. It has to do with the fact that a drunk pig with three legs could return a punt further than you can.
Also, here’s a reminder of Jeremy Bloom’s hotness, because I wuv you girls: