Sitting in Pens Fan’s living room yesterday after dinner, watching Fox Sports prior to the Pirates game and Daniel Sepulveda pops on the screen.
Father of PittGirl: Look. It’s your guy.
PittGirl: [throws herself to the carpet in mock despair at his injury]
Father of PittGirl: You really think he’s good looking?
Father of PittGirl: He’s ugly. Look at him.
Father of PittGirl: He’s not attractive.
PittGirl: [realizing her father might be senile] WHAT?!?!
Father of PittGirl: Look at his face! He looks like he went ten rounds with Mike Tyson. All puffy.
PittGirl: Oh, Dad. I have some pictures I could show you …
Father of PittGirl: Uh. No thanks.
Slightly later, as the Pirates game is about to begin, Pens Fan plops down on the couch next to me where I’m feeling the effects of a merlot-chased mojito, which, learn from my mistakes, y’all.
Pens Fan: Oh, PittGirl. I have never noticed, you know, what’s his name. Doug …
PittGirl: Doug Mientkiewicz.
Pens Fan: Right. Yesterday, he was up to bat and I really took a look at him and paid attention to him during the game …
Pens Fan: [Glancing toward her husband and then back to me to give me the I’d like to know Doug in the biblical sense of the word look] Oh my…
PittGirl: I hear you. I think it’s something about the way he wears his socks.
Pens Fan: No. It’s his forearms. There’s something about them. They’re so … [she stops herself, but I think she wants to make the nom nom nom sound]
[Suddenly, he flashes on the screen.]
PittGirl: Look! Socks. Mrowr.
Pens Fan: Arms. Hsssss.
Father of PittGirl: He’s ugly. Look at him!
PittGirl and Pens Fan: WHAT?!?!
Clearly, Burghers, Father of PittGirl has no concept of what women find attractive in men … socks and arms.
Of course, I’m pretty sure he thinks George Bush is the hottest man alive.