Brand new suck.

Jason Bay got traded and this is how much I care:

Now had they traded my self-united husband Dougy, I’d be more:

So, who are the newest Buccos of Suckitude?

1.  Adam LaRoche’s brother Andy, who appears to have nom nom nom-able forearms.

2.  Brandon Moss, who is shirtless here, so let’s just get that out of the way now.

Not doing anything for me, but maybe you’d like to self-unite to him.

3.  And pitcher Craig Hansen

Well, good sir, if you’re going to hang out with scary howler monkeys, I can’t be your friend.


  1. Burghthing
    August 1, 2008 10:17 am

    Psst, Steelers training camp is open. Pirate season is officially over here in the ‘burgh.

  2. spoon
    August 1, 2008 10:45 am

    We got the #1 prospects from both organizations and people are bent because we let go of a slightly above average outfielder.

    He was a great face for the team but seriously looking at his stats he’s just average whereas on the pirates that makes you hall of fame material. If the outfield still consisted of Mike Diaz and RJ Reynolds then yeah, he’s a freaking all time great but when you look around the league, what we got was a good deal.

    plus since they dumped his salary they can sign some decent left handed power to launch rockets into the river and maybe a pitcher who doesnt have an ERA over 6

  3. MiamiShyner
    August 1, 2008 10:47 am

    Anything without a howler monkey so I might decide whether or not to self-unite (to the screaming opposition of my fiance)? :-)

  4. Brian
    August 1, 2008 10:57 am

    I am cool with this trade. I loved Bay, and he was a dude you could get behind because he wasn’t a dick like Kendall and Giles, and he legit cared. But you know, we lost every season he was here, and we got four seemingly quality players in return for him. So good for us. And good for him that he gets to go to the Red Sox, where he has a chance to finally be recognized in the spotlight. I never thought I’d say this, but I’m rooting for the Sox this year, just because I want to see Bay get the glory he deserves.

    We needed to burn this thing down and start anew. And the new management doesn’t seem like a bunch of push-over idiots like the last regime, so I think I’m actually willing to give them a chance.

  5. A Model Citizen
    August 1, 2008 11:00 am

    Amen, Brian
    A good guy like Bay who’s been beaten down by the suck that is the PBC deserves a chance to be a champion. I’ll be pullin for the Sox as well come September.

  6. Pittsburgh Tom (in NJ)
    August 1, 2008 11:29 am

    I’m disappointed in seeing Jason Bay go. I’m also disappointed that I won’t be able to wear my new Jason Bay jersey when the Pirates come to town next week. Instead the jersey will be making a nice trip via mail to my brother so he can return it to Hometown Sports for me. Oh well, I knew the risk when I bought the shirt last week.
    I guess it’ll be the old Clemente t-shirt in the front row of the left field fence next Friday.

  7. Monty
    August 1, 2008 12:26 pm

    So… Craig Hansen is addicted to heroin?

  8. Lyon Advocate
    August 1, 2008 12:55 pm

    Monty made my Friday. Thanks.

  9. unsatisfied (no longer Jeff Reed's Puke)
    August 1, 2008 1:37 pm

    actually, I thought that was ross from the 1st season of “friends”. that monkey was as annoying as ross, imho.

    as for the trade — jbay, thx for the memories — though, I still hate the sox. yanks, too.

    as for whom we received in return — we’ll just have to see. funny that we get another laroche. was it gene collier who said in his column this morning that pnc park is turning into “laroche college”? ha. I’ll just be happy if he can hit all season, unlike his older brother.

    and, hey — 1st steelers pre-season game next fri!

  10. Sooska
    August 1, 2008 2:06 pm

    Frankly I am sorry Bay is gone. He was the perfect Pirate player who epitomized this franchise- a Canadian who gave up hockey because he didn’t like putting on all that equipment so he turned to baseball. Fitting.

  11. Magnus Patris
    August 1, 2008 4:37 pm

    Since there are two Laroches, and they both begin with “A”, do they need to have their whole name on their shirts? What if we get Doug Mientkiewicz’s brother Donny Mientkiewicz? How the hell will that fit on a jersey? You don’t even have sleeves for extra room.

    Another thought, is there a third Laroche brother? I’m seeing something like The Hansen Brothers from “Slap Shot”. I can dream can’t I?

  12. Maria
    August 1, 2008 4:39 pm

    My fondest memory of Jason Bay will be when I was at a Pirates/Cubs game in May of 07. The Pirates were, of course, losing. A Cubs player hit the ball into left field, where it bounced a few times before stopping against the wall. Bay leisurely walked over to the ball while the Cubs player was rounding first, and then lightly tossed the ball to the third baseman. Talk about determination. Also, at one point during the game he took off his gloves during a play and chewed on his fingernails.

    I heard him referred to as the second-best player on the team. But is that really saying much?

    Eh, whatever. Who cares. Baseball is only something to watch between hockey and football seasons. And now that training camp has started, the Bucs have basically dropped off the face of the Earth.

  13. Thee Dude
    August 4, 2008 1:14 pm

    Eh, whatever. Who cares. Baseball is only something to watch between hockey and football seasons. And now that training camp has started, the Bucs have basically dropped off the face of the Earth.

    Maria, Just think if there was a local NASCAR track? People would be like, “Do we have a baseball team?”.