No, that’s not a JC Penney ad from 1975.
That, my friends, according to LaMont Jones is what your kids need to wear this fall if they want to be considered “cool” and “stylish”.
I can handle the middle outfits, but promise me please, you parents, that if your teenager comes bouncing down the steps in either the left outfit or the right outfit, or if your sixth grader tries to leave the house dressed in this LaMont-approved fashion:
… that you will stop him or her, grab your child by the shoulders and say, “Oh, honey. Just … no. Be Andie or be Blane. Or Jake or Sam. You can even be Watts or Keith. But for the love of God, don’t be DUCKIE!”
And then watch as they look at you all, “W.T.F?”