Oh, LaMont.

No, that’s not a JC Penney ad from 1975.

That, my friends, according to LaMont Jones is what your kids need to wear this fall if they want to be considered “cool” and “stylish”.

I can handle the middle outfits, but promise me please, you parents, that if your teenager comes bouncing down the steps in either the left outfit or the right outfit, or if your sixth grader tries to leave the house dressed in this LaMont-approved fashion:

… that you will stop him or her, grab your child by the shoulders and say, “Oh, honey. Just … no. Be Andie or be Blane.  Or Jake or Sam. You can even be Watts or Keith. But for the love of God, don’t be DUCKIE!”

And then watch as they look at you all, “W.T.F?”





34 Comments

  1. dwight
    August 4, 2008 9:44 pm

    Can we officially decree that LaMont is insane already?



  2. O
    August 4, 2008 9:46 pm

    What’s with all the blue plaid? It’s like clan MacSmurf threw up all over those girls.



  3. Maria
    August 4, 2008 9:47 pm

    Rest easy, PG, no children will be wearing those fashions once school starts. They’d have spent all their money buying Hannah Montana and Jonas Brothers clothes. Go Disney!

    I’m still confused as to why the Post-Gazette even needs a fashion editor. Pittsburgh isn’t a very stylish city.



  4. MountaineerHoo
    August 4, 2008 9:58 pm

    That picture is why I hearted private school. We rocked the plaid, but holy freaking hell we never looked THAT ridiculous.



  5. Burgh Wanna Be
    August 4, 2008 10:11 pm

    I agree with you, Pittgirl 100%. I asked my 14 year old niece if she would wear any of these and she said NO WAY!!



  6. Maxie
    August 4, 2008 10:31 pm

    Um horrible. Just horrible.



  7. Magnus Patris
    August 4, 2008 10:43 pm

    Hello, little dude with the red shoes…. Punky Brewster called and wants her clothes back. Seriously, is he auditioning for the new Disney series “America’s Newest Annoying Child Star”? He’s gonna need those drumsticks to defend himself from all the ass kickin’s he’s a gonna get. Pittsburgh kids wear Steeler and Penguins shirts and maybe the occasional “I HEART MY BABA” shirt.



  8. Brother Anthony
    August 4, 2008 11:11 pm

    I was thinking Ducky before I scrolled down to see the picture.

    Every time I see a big can of Maxwell House coffee I think of John Cryer in “Hiding Out”. In that movie he plays an almost 30 year old accountant hiding from the mob in his cousin’s high school. That’s how I prefer to remember him.

    Truth be told that outfit is the wardrobe for Watts in “Somekind of Wonderful” if Mary Stuart Masterson had Eric Stoltz’s hair.



  9. Angie :-)
    August 4, 2008 11:54 pm

    those highwaisted jeans are horrible. They sucked the first time around, they suck now. What kid would wear that shit? most are showing more skin not less anyway these days….



  10. scottie
    August 5, 2008 6:03 am

    Dear God! What is he trying to do to our kids? I mean, how many that graduated mid-90s can look back at their Junior High year book can, in all seriousness, smile and say,”that looked good?” Yes, the skidz…pegged jeans…acid wash…heat-sensitive t-shirts…etc…



  11. BIGGEORGE
    August 5, 2008 6:24 am

    I am not a fashion guru, but if you want
    to know what is in style, just hang out at
    the mall.

    I did that while I was visiting the burgh
    a couple of years ago. I was waiting for
    my sister to finish her shopping. I just
    watched the people. the under 18 crowd
    walked by in the uniform of choice; ragged
    jeans, sometimes the girls wore sweats
    with sayings printed on the back or bottom.

    eveyone was wearing silver jewelry.

    things have changed since then I’m sure,
    but go to the mall and people watch.



  12. Sooska
    August 5, 2008 7:15 am

    Who decided to merge “clown’ and “sailor” for a fashion trend? Add a mask, a middie blouse, the blong girl’s hair and you are ready to go. Wouldn’t Heidi, Michael and Nina from Project Runway say “Auf Wiedersehen” to whomever created these looks?



  13. spoon
    August 5, 2008 7:30 am

    I think it’s safe to say that LaMont should put down the drugs.

    If any of you ever let your son leave the house like the one with red chucks and drum sticks be prepared to explain why even grandma gave him an ass beating.



  14. TC
    August 5, 2008 7:35 am

    So is LaMont advocating buying your kids’ clothing from the 80’s clearance rack at Goodwill?

    Is the economy really that bad that we have to convert to “recession-chic”?



  15. Fonda Bruises
    August 5, 2008 8:05 am

    DUCKY!! I loved Ducky!!!



  16. Egan
    August 5, 2008 8:16 am

    KDKA has a little back-to-school fashion fest on “Pittsburgh Today Live” that was also vomit-inspiring. Someone actually intentionally put these outfits together.

    But my favorite part is the blonde model showing everyone up. And I swear Kristine Sorenson’s necklace is about to go into orbit.



  17. InSewickley
    August 5, 2008 8:20 am

    The Mall at Robinson people were just on Pittsburgh Today Live on KDKA and had a fashion show that looked like the Patridge Family.

    Why are these things “in”?



  18. retiredguy
    August 5, 2008 8:36 am

    Teenage girls will never wear those clothes. They don’t expose any skin. They are not tight enough or appear to be made to fit a toddler. They do not allow for the display of belly button jewelry, tramp stamps, bra straps or butt cheek.

    Now, filthy flannel pajama bottoms, shredded at the bottom because they are too long, hanging low in the back to expose thongs and/or ass crack, paired with a tiny, lowcut paper thin halter top. That’s a different story.



  19. maxtalbot
    August 5, 2008 8:45 am

    Sooska, I want Lamont to spend 5 minutes with Nina Garcia. And I want it on film.

    Thus spake Heidi: “PittGirl, you’re in. Lamont, that means you’re out.”



  20. John
    August 5, 2008 9:06 am

    Srsly, does LaMont have any clue about today’s teens? If so, he wouldn’t be telling them to wear clothes that they most likely wouldn’t be caught dead in. This is Pittsburgh, not LA or New York. Trendy is not exactly “in” around here. Just let the kids wear what they want and don’t try to tell them what’s trendy because I guarantee LaMont that he’ll just be laughed at.



  21. Monty
    August 5, 2008 9:09 am

    This site just broke a record for most uses of the word “Lamont” without a Sanford & Son joke. You big dummies.



  22. MiamiShyner
    August 5, 2008 9:25 am

    I’m sad to report that these things pale in comparison to what my daughter likes to wear. She is hell bent on bringing back the 80s in her own special way. I’m saving photos for embarassment opportunities later.



  23. Spud Mom
    August 5, 2008 9:52 am

    On a different topic from fashion –

    I think I am now in love with Cat for that response. That dude acted like stretch marks were a choice. I didn’t gain extra pounds in pregnancy (I gained 33 lbs, right in the range of the reccomended 25 to 35 pounds) and I still got them. Stretch marks have a lot to do with genetics. If you’re going to get them, you will, no matter how little weight you gain. Over a couple of years, the purple fades and you have faint silvery lines. Hard to see, actually.

    And maybe his wife his telling him she refuses to change because she’s embarassed by all the attention he’s putting on it.

    He’s an ass.



  24. Spud Mom
    August 5, 2008 9:53 am

    Crud. Sorry, I meant to put that response up in the other post! Sorry!



  25. bucdaddy
    August 5, 2008 10:19 am

    Best argument for school uniforms I ever saw.



  26. unsatisfied (no longer Jeff Reed's Puke)
    August 5, 2008 10:31 am

    hey — if I had to wear the shit I had to wear back in the day and be embarrassed about it 20 years later, then I think that these kids today should have to do the same thing.

    I mean, it’s not like it’s velour or toughskins or anything….



  27. Egan
    August 5, 2008 10:53 am

    “Tramp stamps” lol



  28. retiredguy
    August 5, 2008 11:18 am

    tramp stamp. Also know as a West Virginia license plate.



  29. Geeo
    August 5, 2008 12:21 pm

    I’m waiting for the elephant bells, earth shoes and muslin shirts I wore in the 70s to come back. I’d look kickin’ in that now.



  30. retiredguy
    August 5, 2008 3:58 pm

    Ah, the 70’s. Platform shoes, big flower print polyester shirts, perms for men. Fortunatly I spent a good chunk of the 70’s wearing Army green.



  31. Still A Fan
    August 5, 2008 5:06 pm

    Pittgirl, you are slipping. No mention of Andrew, Brian, John, Claire or Allison????? Especially with the new JC Penny ad being run every 10 minutes.



  32. gunnlino
    August 5, 2008 5:17 pm

    Srsly, Lamont has no clue about fashion in any sense, not too long ago there was an article by Monica Haynes in the PG ( One of Americas Great Newspapers ) about fashions at an awards show, I would love to have been a fly on the wall when she and LaMont met in the hallowed halls of the PG.



  33. Xena
    August 6, 2008 9:11 pm

    As usual, I was a day late and a dollar short, but I am so used to seeing ridiculous clothes on school kids that I didn’t note the laugh out loud hilarity of Lamont’s choices. I am sitting here laughing so hard I can’t type.

    Everything is funnier on the BurghBlog.



  34. Brian
    August 11, 2008 10:55 am

    THIS IS GREAT!! Now I know who’s responsible for dressing up those clueless idiot dudes on the Kohl’s ads. You know, the ones wearing that shit you’d never be caught dead in? Like an AC/DC hoodies over some polo shirt, with some awful khaki shorts, with terrible sneakers. Nice work, Lamont. Ugh.