Oh, LaMont.

The Post-Gazette sent two staffers to Shadyside Tan for one of those newfangled spray on tans.

You’d think, wouldn’t you Burghers, that if you want to do a story about not only the process of getting one of these tans, but also the effectiveness of these tans, that perhaps you would send some really pale staffers.  Maybe some pasty Brits or Bill Toland.  So we can really see a good before and after shot.

Instead, we get a story with their BLACK fashion editor LaMont Jones (who I saw on the street the other day and boy did I put my head down all, “Don’t make eye contact.  Don’t make eye contact, PittGirl!) and their ASIAN reporter Kathy SaeNgian.

They were told the tan would last five to seven days, and indeed, a week later, it was still noticeable, less so on LaMont’s face.

Psst.  That’s ’cause he’s black.

LaMont chose to pose in THIS for his after shot.

Oh, LaMont.  Too much information!

As Carrie Fisher once awesomely said in that cheesecake Oxygen flick Romancing the Bride :

I can practically see your religion.  And it lists to the left.





38 Comments

  1. Michelle
    August 10, 2008 1:39 pm

    Oh Lamont, was this necessary? I think not. Go put a 5 piece suit on.



  2. nel
    August 10, 2008 1:52 pm

    First,I think Brian O’Neil would have been a better selection to see if a spray on tan works. Pale white Irish are the people who really, really need a little color.(And I’m almost positive he would have been photographed in more appropriate baggy plaid below the knee swim trunks.)

    Second,How did this guy Lamont get this job?
    Where’s Barbara Cloud for Christ’s sake?

    Third, It looks a little crinkley (I know that’s not a word) down there, sure he did use last weeks unread post gazette as stuffing?



  3. retiredguy
    August 10, 2008 3:12 pm

    Great. I was hoping for maybe a picture of a hot asian girl in a bikini. Then I was stabbed in the eyes by Moose Knuckle.



  4. Jim
    August 10, 2008 4:05 pm

    Methinks it was just an excuse for Lamont to wear that monstrosity. And the bathing suit too.



  5. don
    August 10, 2008 5:15 pm

    About as classy as one would expect from the publication. Who reads that junk?



  6. Steeler_tom
    August 10, 2008 5:52 pm

    I think Toland would be the best choice….

    He’s pasty white…

    He could use a little color



  7. Bob
    August 10, 2008 6:52 pm

    Hey Lamont

    Nice Balls

    I Mean Tan

    I Mean I Am Not Gay



  8. Still A Fan
    August 10, 2008 8:12 pm

    using those two is the most ridiculous thing in the world. stupid.



  9. Bram R
    August 10, 2008 8:48 pm

    Pittsburgh’s answer to Tricia Takanawa? — who, incidentally, is GONNA TELL US ALL A-BOUT THE RAIN!



  10. Magnus Patris
    August 10, 2008 9:45 pm

    What is that on his “bathing suit” near his left hand? A Pledge Pin?! Delta Tau Faaabulousssss!



  11. Angie :-)
    August 10, 2008 10:25 pm

    Never accuse Lamont of being shy or leaving much to the imagination…. Damn… That green is awful… and too tight!!



  12. sherry
    August 11, 2008 7:28 am

    i am still speechless from reading the article yesterday.
    just wrong on many levels. (but funny in a strange way, or is it just me?)



  13. pierogie kid
    August 11, 2008 7:32 am

    There is this thing that writers use to make lite of something its called irony, the act of using which is called being ironic. For example, a black guy and an Asian American woman rating the effectiveness of a spray on tan service, that would be ironic. Irony can be really funny especially when people don’t realize something is being done for its ironic effect. You shoud check it out.



  14. bucdaddy
    August 11, 2008 7:37 am

    Is this some kind of August Fool’s joke?



  15. bucdaddy
    August 11, 2008 7:44 am

    pierogie,

    If they REALLY wanted to be ironic they could have found someone darker than LaMont. Spray-tanning Tony Norman, now THAT would be funny. Or they could have borrowed the Asshat and told him to fit it all in that Speedo. Now THAT would be funny.



  16. pierogie kid
    August 11, 2008 7:49 am

    Oh I disagree, judging from the confusion of PG and mild disgust of others like still_a_fan. I think it had its intended effect.



  17. Christina
    August 11, 2008 8:07 am

    If this were true, pierogie, then every single story that LaMont does should be classified as irony.



  18. beaner
    August 11, 2008 8:19 am

    maybe he’s posing as an olympic swimmer…go ireland!



  19. PittGirl
    August 11, 2008 8:19 am

    Pierogie,

    MaryLynn Uricchio does not allow irony in the SEEN Magazine. Trust me.

    This was for reals.



  20. unsatisfied
    August 11, 2008 8:21 am

    pierogie — I don’t think that anyone at the PG is that clever.

    except for maybe gene collier — or, my girl ruth ann.



  21. Sooska
    August 11, 2008 8:32 am

    pierogie is the only living being in Pittsburgh and Burghnation that knows irony, right? Lamont doesn’t do irony. Have you read anything else he has ever written? He just wanted a photo of himself with his junk exposed in the paper and online.



  22. Heather
    August 11, 2008 9:02 am

    Wow! The only thing that would make that picture even more fabulous is if LaMont busted some jazz hands.



  23. TC
    August 11, 2008 9:14 am

    Yikes.

    That’s going to haunt me.



  24. pierogie kid
    August 11, 2008 9:17 am

    No I am not the only person who knows irony. PG can be super ironic, for instance she spent $27 to see Bryan Adams at the Byham Theater.



  25. Brian
    August 11, 2008 9:18 am

    I hate the planet earth.



  26. maxtalbot
    August 11, 2008 10:09 am

    Collier is definitely that clever. See, this would have been a great story had he and Diana Nelson Jones gone for the spray tan. Oh, and also written the story …



  27. red pen mama
    August 11, 2008 10:15 am

    Yeah, this article and accompanying images scared me. I had to hide them from my young children.

    As far as irony, I have to vote on the side of NOT. Reading the article, I was hoping for some irony, but it was incredibly earnest. The PG can be v. ironic, especially the sports writers and a couple of columnists. But not our LaMont or the Seen section.

    PittGirl, I am loving on your site. Thank you!

    ciao,
    rpm



  28. Stephanique1
    August 11, 2008 10:16 am

    Oh, LaMont. Cover up your junk.



  29. Monty
    August 11, 2008 10:42 am

    Shouldn’t his bathing suit have “I’m with Stupid” printed on it? The arrow pointing at her is already built in.



  30. unsatisfied
    August 11, 2008 11:28 am

    PG — I think that lamont’s pic above should be put into your banner. there’s some space next to troysus, behind the pigeon….



  31. bucdaddy
    August 11, 2008 11:38 am

    The P-G (as opposed to PG) DOES do irony. They ran that piece a couple weeks ago about the family that doesn’t use any paper, and they printed it in 150,000 papers.

    OK, unintentional irony, perhaps, but …

    Actually, her trunks might look better on him, and his on her, unless she’s already trying to hold in a muffin top with her hands. No? Well … LaMont DEFINITELY would look less stupid if he wore her top on his head, cause he can’t look any stupider.



  32. Thee Dude
    August 11, 2008 12:02 pm

    Did LaMont wear the latest back-to-school fashions when he went there?



  33. pierogie kid
    August 11, 2008 12:15 pm

    I guess one could say the very notion of a fashion/style section of any Pittsburgh publication is ironic in itself.



  34. lovesthenorthside
    August 11, 2008 12:21 pm

    oh. my. gawd. lamont raided my underwear drawer while i was on vacation.



  35. spoon
    August 11, 2008 12:28 pm

    LaMont was worried that he would get mined on craigslist and went this route.

    It could be worse, we could have:
    Dee Thompson
    http://www.shouldidrinkthat.com/images/deelamont_tan.jpg

    Danny and Lukey
    http://www.shouldidrinkthat.com/images/danlukelamont_tan.jpg



  36. Burgh Wanna Be
    August 11, 2008 12:57 pm

    Thanks I needed a good laugh. No real man should ever think about wearing something as horrendous a that green thing.



  37. wineplz
    August 11, 2008 1:12 pm

    I didn’t realize that the standard-issue gym-teacher shorts came in lime green.



  38. bucdaddy
    August 11, 2008 9:01 pm

    No “dickhead” jokes? I’m disappointed in all of you.