Please take a look at this here cover for the latest issue of Whirl …
They love The Asshat over there at Whirl. Wonder why? Let’s take a look:
Soft spoken and a bit shy. Unassuming, even. These are not terms one might expect to apply to a star athlete, a starting player for a wildly successful NFL team, and especially not terms one might expect to apply to a man who likes to be photographed in the shower wearing absolutely nothing to veil his giant penis.
Okay. Maybe I added that last part. But still. Santonio Holmes. Soft spoken? Shy? Unassuming?
Is this their special opposite issue?
Is the next article going to be about how Benny has been named Giorgio Armani’s next celebrity underwear spokes model?
Let’s read on:
amazingly long. Inhumanly long.
I’ll let you read for yourself which body part she’s talking about.
Now all that said:
He e-mailed us answers to our questions in advance — signed “Mr. 561,” for his star high school football days in Belle Glade, Fla. — and drove himself to our offices for the photo shoot, arriving on time and sans agent, publicist, or bodyguard. We were bowled over by how kind and reserved he was.
Again. Are we absolutely sure we are talking about Santonio Holmes? The Asshat? Babymama choker? Public drunkenness arrestee? Naked eyeball-searing shower photo subject? THAT Santonio Holmes?
I’m confused. And intrigued. No. More confused. And a little icked out at the thought of Benny modeling whitey-tighties.