The PG has an adorable little multimedia gem in which they showcase various animals that live in our zoo or in the National Aviary.
Well, it WAS an adorable multimedia gem until they decided to feature a pigeon in their Creature Feature.
The Victoria Crowned Pigeon to be exact. Some thoughts.
1. When I sit on a bench in the Point, enjoying the water, and I decide to contemplate what animals would reside in my personal hell, topping my list that includes snakes, hairy spiders, scary howler monkeys, and Steely McBeam, is always A PIGEON AS BIG AS A FRICKIN’ CHICKEN!
That is a big giant pigeon. I bet I couldn’t kick that thing three yards. But that’s why I married Daniel Sepulveda. Soon as his knee heals, we’re heading to the Aviary. Watch out, Vicky. I hope you know how to swim.
2. I know, I know. You’re like, “PittGirl. It is a BEAUTIFUL bird! Look at the pretty feathers in his head. Why would you want to punt it into the Allegheny?”
I wrote it before, and I will write it again … I could stick some pretty feathers in a pile of horse poop, call it the Victoria Crowned Poop of Horse and guess what?
It’s still a pile of horse poop.
3. There’s a point in the video where that deranged Aviary employee explains that the Victoria Crowned Sack of Poop has this “amazing ability” to make a loud booming noise by tipping their head forward and “bowing.”
Then they show the pigeon with a little girl standing next to it. And the pigeon starts aggressively and deliberately pecking at the ground and making the noise (2:03 into the video).
She calls it bowing when clearly, Burghers, CLEARLY you can see that what is really happening is that pigeon is saying, “Child. Let me show you exactly how I will peck your eyeballs out if my handler turns her back.”
Run, kiddies. Run.
(h/t Jamie, Scott, and Sue)