Last week as I waited on the sunny sidewalks of the Burgh while keeping a close eye on the pigeons that were standing in front of me having a discussion about my juicy eyeballs (Carl, you are out of your mind. PittGirl does NOT speak pigeon. She has no idea we’re talking about eating her eyeballs.), a car pulled to a stop at the stop light in front of me.
It was a very yellow two-door Chevy Cobalt with a rear spoiler, pimped out rims, and loud bass thumps making my heart rhythm change its beat.
The driver, who was visible because he had both of his windows down, was basically a fat Eminem. You know, skewed ball cap, oversize Steelers Jersey, chains, late twenties, early thirties. And he was doing that really annoying thing that guys do sometimes where they recline their seat all the way back and then lean so far to the right that it looks like they are sitting on top of their emergency brake handle? Yeah, THAT drives me batty. Sit the hell up straight and pay attention to the road, loser.
Anyway, since the pigeons had moved down the street to terrorize a passing gaggle of daycare children, I studied some of the decals this guy had on his car, and Burghers, I am NOT MAKING THIS WINDOW DECAL UP:
Imports are like tampons,
every pussy has one.
Yes, because when the hot business-suited dude in the Audi pulled up behind him, sitting up straight in his seat, his music down low, a smile on his face, tapping his strong fingers on his steering wheel with the music, I was all, “Pssh. PUSSY!”
Also, ladies, this guy was cruising. I’m almost positive because as my bus meandered through town, I must have seen the car four times. My question? What kind of woman looks at that man, sees that he has both the word tampon and the word pussy on his car and says to herself, “Mmmm. I gotta get me some of THAT!”
I’m sorry that Saucy didn’t get a picture. But she was sleeping and I couldn’t wake her up no matter how many times I smacked her. She mumbled something about “Bitch, you forgot to charge me up last night!” before she feel asleep.