The proof is on the Interweb

A sex club called Swingers Palace (NSFW ads) in North Huntingdon is owned by a guy that got a $90 minister’s certificate online, calls himself a reverend, and calls his sex club “a nondenominational adults-only Church of Spiritual Humanities, which serves ‘the People,’ not God.”

Has Swingers Palace, an alleged sex club, been operating out of a residence in North Huntingdon for the past seven years?

That possibility surfaced Tuesday at a hearing of the township zoning board to consider an appeal of the Rev. John Ondrik and his wife, Kim, for a special exception to an ordinance to allow them to operate a church out of a residence at 4500 Turner Valley Road.

“I’m not operating a sex club. Kim and I maintain a low profile. People are just scared of us.”

You can’t join the church unless you’re over 21 and you have to pay a set fee to enter the church each time.

Now, the owners John and Kim claim they are operating a church, and swear they are not operating a sex club, which makes sense because I don’t know about you, but my pastor and his wife totally look like this:

Uh.

Don’t scroll down if you don’t have a strong constitution.

Okay.

Ready?

Whoa!  You know, I’d make LaMont Jones and The Chartreuse Hip-Huggers my screensaver for life if it meant I never had to see that again.

And when the sermon is over and I go home, I always hop on my pastor’s MySpace to let him know how I thought church was this week:

What?

XOXO is a totally appropriate sentiment for an ordained minister.  I’m always all, “Great sermon, Preach.  XOXO.  Catch ya’ later, babycakes.”

I think what she meant to write was YOUR CHURCH ROCKS!!!!

Yeah, that’s it.

Totally NOT a sex club.  At all:





31 Comments

  1. bucdaddy
    September 4, 2008 10:15 am

    Sign me up yesterday.



  2. HokieRider
    September 4, 2008 10:23 am

    AAHH!!! My eyes!!!



  3. Amazon woman
    September 4, 2008 10:26 am

    There’s another swingers club right off the turnpike’s Beaver Falls exit. A green pole building. No sign. My parents live close by and I always kid them about checking it out. As far as I know, kneeling is optional.



  4. PghGirlNextDoor
    September 4, 2008 10:30 am

    OH.

    MY.

    GOD.

    Any curiosity I may have previously had about swingers and their lifestyles has now been totally erased thanks to that picture. Maybe they are a church…they saved me from my own sexual curiosities!! Someone get them a blanket.

    I’d rather stare at Jeff Reed’s pubes all day.



  5. DW
    September 4, 2008 10:31 am

    Well, my appetitie for lunch is gone now….that’s for the diet help, PG!



  6. DW
    September 4, 2008 10:33 am

    I think I had a Freudian slip there…appe-titie? Must have been that wedding pic.



  7. Christina
    September 4, 2008 10:34 am

    Blerg, the pictures don’t come up on this website at work. Usually I am upset by this, but today I am grateful.



  8. Christina
    September 4, 2008 10:36 am

    Also, there’s another Swingers Club in Ellwood City. I have never been there, and never plan to go there, but I’ve heard it’s one of the largest in the area. We have such an interesting sexual community in the Pittsburgh area.



  9. spoon
    September 4, 2008 11:08 am

    He paid $90 for it? shit i got mine for free through the Universal Life Church. I’m sure my masses are nearly as much fun and fat old 50 yr old slapping each other on the ass

    -Most Reverend Father Spoon



  10. lostinpgh
    September 4, 2008 11:19 am

    So after 7 years people caught on? I guess it make total sense the way the did it though. I guess they saw a chance at a revival by watching “Swingtown” on CBS over the summer.



  11. Summer
    September 4, 2008 11:35 am

    Holy crap, my retinas are seared. You couldn’t have put that under a cut, could you? Just had to share the misery?



  12. Pierogie Kid
    September 4, 2008 12:18 pm

    Kind of funny, but harmless I could care less if they call themselves a church.



  13. toni
    September 4, 2008 12:35 pm

    Well…….I guess people that go there DO say “Oh God” alot……



  14. TBD
    September 4, 2008 12:45 pm

    LMAO toni. Nice one. The rolling on the floor and screaming, sweating, et al is really just an exorcism. No “s”. Got it.



  15. Amazon woman
    September 4, 2008 12:52 pm

    I figured they were calling themselves a church for tax purposes.



  16. Ravishing Rick
    September 4, 2008 1:46 pm

    This place is in BEAVER COUNTY

    http://www.djsisland.com/



  17. Ravishing Rick
    September 4, 2008 1:51 pm

    Another good SPOT is in Darlington PA

    http://www.whitethornlodge.org/

    White Thorn Lodge
    383 State Line Road
    Darlington, PA 16115
    Phone: (724) 846-5984
    wtl@whitethornlodge.org



  18. BagitTagit
    September 4, 2008 2:43 pm

    If I’ve said it once… I’ve said it 3 times…

    NHT BABY!!!

    Yinz can just call us Pennsylvegas.



  19. retiredguy
    September 4, 2008 8:00 pm

    Must be one of those snake handler churches.



  20. unsatisfied
    September 5, 2008 7:11 am

    compared to some traditional churches, I’d say that these folks are harmless….



  21. spoon
    September 5, 2008 8:07 am

    unsatisfied, ya know that Hereford and Hops would make a nice church like this if it wasnt going to be torn down. right by the turnpike, plenty of eating for post-celebration, target and wal mart are close for your lubricating needs.



  22. Bigburg
    September 5, 2008 9:01 am

    We went to this club twice and they were so sleazy we stop going when we they started to let gay, bi and cross dressing guys in Kim is as nasty as she looks. A church not a swing club right!



  23. goodhearted
    September 5, 2008 11:48 am

    OH MY Halleiluia How i do ya LOL Church Right NOT!!!



  24. Buuzzsaw
    September 5, 2008 11:50 am

    Well you know what happens next don’t you, since they been running a cash business for 7 years they now apply for tax exemption because they know with all of this press the feds are going be coming knocking on the church door Halilula.



  25. goodhearted
    September 5, 2008 12:44 pm

    You are right called Taxinvasion



  26. TheJim
    September 8, 2008 11:42 pm

    That bowtie thing he’s wearing really adds a classy touch.

    The proprietor of DJ’s Island used to work for one of my wife’s clients and she used to get personal invites all the time to come up. Now that I know I was missing, I totally wish we would have gone. Also, to be clear, it’s in Big Beaver. huh huh.



  27. Byrann
    September 12, 2008 4:14 am

    Who cares atleast its in their own home and not out in piblic.



  28. BigJack
    September 14, 2008 8:30 am

    If you read the story you would see it isn’t in their house they are leasing it from someone else and the so called pastor lives in another county, he should take it to his county.



  29. Byrann
    September 15, 2008 2:17 am

    Guess the people who made that MY space page didnt really think it over to well.Think about this their son is 32 years old that means they had him at the age of 9.HMMM looks like a fake to me.



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