The other day my Aunt S., one of my mother’s sisters, came over to Mother of PittGirl’s house to show off her twin grandsons, which ADORABLE! TIMES TWO!, and I found myself sitting on my mother’s deck with a Zima while keeping a close eye on a hawk as big as a car that had taken to doing low fly-bys just to freak us out.
So I sat in the sun listening to the two sisters chat about life, kids, husbands, cruises, salsa recipes, etc. when Pens Fan came out on the deck.
Pens Fan: Aunt S., is your purse the black one by the door in Mom’s house?
Aunt S.: Yes. Why?
Pens Fan: It’s playing some music all deedle-dee-dee. I think your phone is ringing.
So Aunt S. retrieved her phone from the house and returned to the deck where she proceeded to have a chit chat with my cousin who had called her.
Anyway, blah-bitty-blah-bitty blah.
Aunt S.: [Stops talking suddenly.] Wait. [Pulls the phone down from her ear and looks at it as if it is trying to tell her something in Chinese. Shrugs. Puts it back up to her ear.] Okay. I’m back. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Blah-bitty-blah-bitty blah. Uh. Wait. [Pulls the phone back down from her ear and looks at it again. A bit more confused this time.]
Mother of PittGirl: What’s wrong?
Aunt S.: How the hell do you answer another call on this damn thing when you’re already on the phone?
PittGirl: [Doubles over laughing and almost spills her Zima as she falls out of her chair.] You’re asking MY MOTHER?!
Mother of PittGirl: [Offended] I happen to know this, PittGirl. Push the right-hand button!
When she finally was off of her cell phone, the conversation turned to newfangled technology that is impossible to understand:
Mother of PittGirl: … and that text messaging. I refuse to set up my phone to receive text messages because then I will get one and I won’t know what to do.
Aunt S.: Yeah, and the other day, I saw this guy with a phone and IT DIDN’T HAVE ANY BUTTONS!
Pens Fan: That’s the iPhone. It’s a phone, but it also has —
Aunt S.: It is just weird is what it is.
Mother of PittGirl: [raises her wine in a toast] Amen, sis!
Pens Fan and I exchanged a look that said, “God. Are we going to be like that someday?”
I think for her birthday this year, I am going to buy my mother an iPhone just for the hours of enjoyment it would provide to me and my sisters, watching her shake it like an Etch-a-Sketch when she wants it to go back a screen.