I got nothing.

Hemorrhoid:  varicosities or swelling and inflammation of veins in the rectum and anus

Reader Chelly sent me this picture she snapped with her Treo in the North Hills, a phone I have now named for her as Trey.  Trey and Saucy should have a date.

She did not doctor the picture.  I did blur the plate, but I have no idea why I did that.

She asked me to help her in getting to the bottom of it (heh).

Explaining why a person would put the word “hemorrhoid” on his/her car in super-frilly girly letters right next to a painting of a duo of cherries is even harder than explaining why a thief would coat a victim in spices before slapping him with an eight-inch sausage.

In other words, I got nothin’.

The world.  It is weird.


  1. Mr Dobalina, Mr Bob Dobalina
    September 9, 2008 10:47 am

    Probably a proctologist like the “ASSMAN” episode on Seinfeld

  2. chrys
    September 9, 2008 10:52 am

    Maybe the owner feels that driving his Jeep is a “pain in the ass”..

  3. Fan on his own dime
    September 9, 2008 11:11 am

    I know it’s blurred out, but is that a Pitt license plate?

  4. kbb
    September 9, 2008 11:12 am

    There used to be a car, a Jeep, I believe, that drove around the North Hills with a huge lemon on the roof and a sign attached about not buying cars from the “Quick Mick” Chrysler dealership on McKnight Road. Perhaps this Jeep owner also got a “bum” deal from Quick Mick?

  5. Amandr
    September 9, 2008 11:12 am

    This is more entertaining than the license plate I saw in when I was in FL that read “PAPSMR.”

  6. Monty
    September 9, 2008 11:40 am

    Eating cherries improves vein structure. So this is the equivalent of a yin/yang bumper sticker. And by equivalent, I mean “much grosser version.”

    I give it 10 minutes before someone uses the phrase “anal fissure.”

  7. Brian
    September 9, 2008 11:51 am

    I know this isn’t about this tire cover you have in the photo, but I was in Shadyside a few weekends ago, and this Jeep in a garage had a plate that said: TEDEE. Like, some guy named Ted who can’t cut his vowels when he should. But his tire cover said TEDII. So, how do I address a check or a letter to him. What does he actually go by? And like, if you had the TEDII tire cover and couldn’t get it on a plate, how about getting a different plate so you don’t seem like such a self-indulgent and moronic douchebag?

    And who calls themself TEDEE or TEDII anyway? Douchebag.

  8. ultraviolet
    September 9, 2008 12:04 pm

    riding her(his?) ass like a hemorrhoid!

  9. Sooska
    September 9, 2008 12:07 pm

    I was told that the famous architect Mies Van der Rohe described the Catherdral of Learning a “giant hemorrhoid in the sky.” If that’s a Pitt license plate perhaps it’s fitting.

  10. DW
    September 9, 2008 12:08 pm

    and endearing nickname??

    nice airbrushed design…the artist from the county fair must be proud of that work of art.

  11. Woy
    September 9, 2008 12:10 pm

    Now THAT’S why I live in the North Hills!

  12. TheJim
    September 9, 2008 12:19 pm

    ASSMAN fo’ sho’.

  13. Pittsburgh Tom (in NJ)
    September 9, 2008 12:35 pm

    Maybe it’s the owner’s last name. If Mr. & Mrs. Hemorrhoid reads this, you’re going to be sure are going to be embarrassed.

    And isn’t it bad enough what their kids must go through?

  14. Chelly
    September 9, 2008 12:48 pm

    I think it’s fitting that my hemorrhoid photo appeared just above the photo of Mr. Hossa.

  15. retiredguy
    September 9, 2008 12:48 pm

    My guess would be that one spouse got it for the other spouse as a joke. Or maybe the owner enjoys being a pain in the ass and is proud of it. I’ve seen women driving cars with bitch bumper stickers (I actually worked with one), so I guess anything is possible.

  16. Katy
    September 9, 2008 1:16 pm

    I think it was a prank. What a great idea! Order something terrible and stick it on your friend’s tire cover while he or she is at work. I’d totally do that to someone, only it would say YARN TAMPON with a picture of a smiling sun in sunglasses.

  17. Jenn
    September 9, 2008 1:45 pm

    Ironically, I live near where this girl works. Her family owns a bar, “Howard’s Tavern”, in West View.

    Her father gave her the nickname, since he claims she’s a PITA.

    Now, WHY she had it airbrushed onto her Jeep….well, I’m at a lost for words there.

    Why ANYONE would have ANYTHING airbrushed on their vehicle…..

  18. Untraviolet has it
    September 9, 2008 1:51 pm

    I think ultraviolet has it. The driver was calling the person riding to close a hemorroid.

    Don’t we all say it: “Why is he up my ass?” to the guy riding our bumper.

    P.S. If you’ve ever seen a really bad hemorroid, you’d know they look like cherries.

  19. TBD
    September 9, 2008 1:53 pm

    What no truck nutz to go w/ it???

  20. Christina
    September 9, 2008 1:54 pm

    @Ultraviolet Has It:

    That hemmorhoid/cherry comment almost made me puke. God.

  21. kbl guy
    September 9, 2008 2:10 pm

    I think she is saying she has hemorrhoids and she is still a virgin

  22. Spud's dad
    September 9, 2008 2:15 pm

    Bizarrely, I saw this same weird Jeep in the NH over the weekend. It made me do a double-take. I didn’t think to snap a pic of it, though, nor did I catch the license plate.

  23. Ravishing Rick
    September 9, 2008 3:02 pm

    That intersection looks very familiar Rochester Road and Perry Hwy

  24. lovesthenorthside
    September 9, 2008 3:22 pm

    apparently the gonorrhea tire cover with the airbrushed martini took the day off.

  25. Chelly
    September 9, 2008 4:09 pm

    Good eye Ravishing Rick…

  26. Still A Fan
    September 9, 2008 6:20 pm

    I pass a Jeep every day on my way to work coming the other direction. He has one of those annoying sayings that you put at the very top of your windshield. it says “it’s a jeep thing, you wouldn’t understand”. what exactly wouldn’t I understand? that you’ve assumed a certain personality by driving this particular vehicle? that there’s a little “secret cool” society of jeep owners with handshakes and passwords? goodness. silly. at what age do you take that off by the way?

  27. WestViewGirl
    September 9, 2008 9:41 pm

    This person live along Center Avenue in West View. I have been running past this car almost daily for over a year. Every time I pass I think what the hell…. I’m glad someone else took the time to publicize this car. And no after an entire year of thinking of this I have no idea what would possess someone to do this.

  28. Ed Heath
    September 10, 2008 5:42 am

    Assuming Jenn is correct (and I certainly believe her), maybe Dad bought her the Jeep on the condition that he get to put whatever tire cover he wanted on her Jeep.

  29. Magnus Patris
    September 10, 2008 8:21 am

    # 26, Still A Fan – My parents have something similar on their car. It says, “It’s a 25 year old Lincoln Town Car thing. Nobody under 80 understands.” They also have “I HEART Pierogies” and “Who Stole the Kishka?” bumper stickers.

  30. Susan
    September 10, 2008 9:25 am

    Great, now I’m going to have “Who Stole the Kishka?” going through my head all day.

  31. unsatisfied
    September 10, 2008 10:01 am

    I stole the kishka.

  32. youngest of 5
    September 10, 2008 10:42 am

    yep, today this Jeep was parked outside of the nursing home/assisted living center next to my daughter’s daycare.

  33. Christina
    September 10, 2008 10:47 am

    The hemmorhoid taxi gets around!

    Also, if this is truly this woman’s nickname by her father, why in hell would you have it painted in decorative lettering on your car? I wouldn’t do it, but I could see if it was like, “Princess” or “Sweetheart”, but “hemmorhoid”, with little cherries? That would be like writing something like, “boil” or “lupus” or “lyme disease” written in squiggly lettering with little hearts around it. Who knows about people, really.

  34. Jenn
    September 10, 2008 11:00 am


    You are spot on…..and they really are a nice family…taste in “car art” withstanding.

  35. Amanda
    September 10, 2008 12:12 pm

    Now that’s gross! Even if it was a nickname someone gave me, I wouldn’t be proud of it and put it where the whole world can see.

  36. Brother Anthony
    September 10, 2008 1:55 pm

    Maybe it refers to the spare and not the car or the driver.

  37. Little hemorrhoid
    September 10, 2008 3:54 pm

    I will put all your curiousity to ease. I am the little hemorrhoid. It is a nickname my dad gave me for being a pain in the ass and I am proud of it. I love my car, I love my cover and yes, I even love my nickname. The cover was a birthday gift that I designed. It started with a name plate years and years ago. As far as the cherries go–I don’t really know where that started. I bought a steering wheel cover with cheeries on it for my old car and it all kind of went from there. So all of you that are quick to make fun or judge, you just don’t understand…How many people have a nickname like that. Princess and sweetheart is so overplayed. Mine is orginal. Besides you’d be surprised how many people think it says “hummingbird.” But it is funny when you do see someone read it for what it is and they just smile and shake thier head. I love it.
    Anyway, I hope you all have a great day. Go stillers. How great did they look on Sunday?
    Love, The Little Hemorrhoid

  38. unsatisfied
    September 10, 2008 10:29 pm

    no, we don’t understand.

    but, at least you don’t make your own tampons….

  39. Brother Anthony
    September 10, 2008 11:12 pm


  40. CG
    September 11, 2008 6:27 pm

    What I can’t understand is why people have nothing better to do than sit on their computer and comment on some girls tire cover. Read a book. Better yet, there are jobs out there- go find one. By the way Cuz, got your e/m and glad to see you not bothered by over opinionated fools.

  41. one of the 2's
    September 12, 2008 12:34 pm

    Don’t judge. Howard’s nice family, good food. Our neighborhood Cheers. Stop in and meet her you will find out why?

  42. tiggs
    September 14, 2008 6:02 pm

    proud to say i am the little hemorrhoids boyfriend. i got a call one day from the hemorrhoid saying im almost famous go check out theburghblog.com for me and tell me what all it says… so of course i jumped on here to read all the ridiculous comments people had to say… the entire family is amazing everyone has nick names if it offends you ill apologize on behalf of all of them… however lighten up its a nick name stop gossiping about something you dont understand. . . where some of you have some information noone on here has it right.. and i just thank god that there family has a since of humor and thinks this is one of the funniest things they have seen

  43. Eden
    September 15, 2008 9:14 am

    Good lord. No one’s “judging” her. If anything, the other commenters are digging on the joke. For someone who embraces the moniker “hemorrhoid,” it’s surprising how uptight the reaction to this post is.

    FWIW I originally thought the tire cover was odd but cute and I thought it was cool that someone would do something others would take offense at. Having read the reaction of Lil Rhoid’s minions, I now don’t find it so much cool as obnoxious.

  44. unsatisfied
    September 15, 2008 9:57 am

    oh, I’m judging her. that’s what I do. people do it to me all the time, so why not?

    I do have to say that I love it when people PG posts about and we criticize find their way here (along with their minions) to judge us judging them.

    I just wonder if ‘rhoid girl has taken into account just how much she might be hurting ‘rhoid sufferers with her choice of wheel cover. I say that this kind of insensitivity should be eliminated! what a pain in the ass.

  45. joey
    September 15, 2008 11:28 am

    Every time I think that I have finally stopped underestimating the stupidity of society, I am again slapped by the cold hand of reality.

  46. burgh
    September 15, 2008 12:21 pm

    I just hope her boyfriend’s nickname isn’t ANAL WART.

  47. Caryn
    September 15, 2008 5:36 pm

    Wow, I thought the tire cover very odd; but the origin I find slightly disturbing…who calls their child, much less a little girl, a hemorrhoid. First, that means you have to explain to the kid what it means (yuck)….and its not even easy to say (or yell if she was pissing him off). I give her & her family some points that they think it is funny, but it is still odd to share it with the world. Some things should be private jokes. And I’m not sure I see the point of the boyfriend weighing in, as he contradicts himself horribly – have a sense of humor but don’t dig on others public behavior….is he serious? If she put the “family joke” out there, so she should be proud it is generating buzz (and making the big time here on the Burgh Blog). Sheesh.

  48. Christina
    September 15, 2008 5:49 pm

    “Princess” and “Sweetheart” are so overplayed.”

    These may be nice people, and good people, but honestly, if I had something in my mouth when I just read this I would’ve spit it all over the screen. Touche.

  49. Still A Fan
    September 15, 2008 7:11 pm

    it’s an anal swelling thing….you wouldn’t understand

  50. west view
    September 17, 2008 2:48 pm

    i am just glad they spelled it right on the tire cover there for everyone who had no life and wished to comment something crazy about it at least new how to spell it. i have seen this car in west view many times and i can not help but laugh god bless freedom of speech