- September 9, 2008
- filed under David Conrad, Downtown happenings, Hot Burghers, Matt Lamanna, Pirates, Weather, Yarone Zober
1. Dear Rain, thank you for waiting four weeks until just the right moment that you could catch me on the streets of the Burgh without an umbrella. Well played, sir. Well played.
2. It is imperative, you wordsmiths out there, and I’m looking at you Chad Hermann because you might quit us, but we don’t have to quit you, that we come up with a new phrase, a phrase that conveys more suck than “major suck,” a phrase that conveys more loserdom than “LOOOOOOOSER!” and a phrase that conveys more fail than “epic fail” to describe how shitty my Sportsocracy.org Yinz Team Fantasy Football team PittGirl’s Minions performed against Cynthia Closkey’s Brilliant Mistakes during week one.
It seems my entire team, Peyton Jerkwad Manning included, woke up on Sunday and said, “Screw her,” and thus have landed me in next to the last place with an embarrassing 59 points.
I might need to make some major trades this week to get rid of some of my maimed and injured. Hey, would anyone be willing to take say Jeremy Bloom off of my hands for perhaps say Reggie Bush? Anyone? Anyone? Dread Lord Zober?
3. It has nothing to do with Pittsburgh, but my gosh, a story in which a person is woken out of their sleep to find a burglar coating him with spices and slapping him with a sausage? Awesome.
Cops busted a man who allegedly broke into the home of two farmworkers, stole money, rubbed one with spices and whacked the other with an 8-inch sausage before fleeing.
Now that you read that, I would like you to go back and read it again and imagine Tina Fey saying it on SNL Weekend Update.
It just works, doesn’t it?
Also, there is no explanation for why a person would rub another person down with spices and then whack that person with a sausage. But if there was an explanation, I bet Skippy Skeeve would know what it is.
(h/t RockinPRGirl via Plurk)
4. Sausage is the greatest word in the English language. Back me up on that.
5. Jim and Randy and Michele Michaels and Sean McDowell from ‘DVE are doing a very very cool thing by having a radiothon to raise money for Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh and YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THE SICK KIDS.
Have you ever walked the halls of Children’s Hospital? And have you seen the amazing things that the hospital does to make the kids have the best experience they can have under the circumstances? And have you seen the little kiddies with no hair, with burns, or with tubes coming out every which way? And have you seen how very very smiley they are?!
Kids. Stronger than us, for sure.
If you have it in your heart, why not forgo those expensive lattes for a day or two and kick a few bucks to the cause?
Check it out. If money is an issue, you can always give your time as a volunteer at the phone bank, which is just as awesome of you, if not more. Tell them PittGirl sent you and DO THEY KNOW HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT THE SICK KIDS?!?
6. Some CraigsList What The Effies:
- Yeah, where are all the real womens in Shittsburgh who will find attractive a man who can’t seem to smile and never ever ever has anything to do? Stupid womens.
- Submitted without comment because first, I don’t believe it’s true and second, I am throwing up a little in my mouth.
- “i am verry sweet, and is good at writing poetry.” Right. I bet it goes, “Hey, youse. Youse beautiful. Let’s do it. Tonight. Forsooth.”
7. My self-united husband Matt Lamanna is back from Australia, looking fit and tan and SMART.
The other husbands are kind of getting sick of his stories about the meticulous digging he did over there. Daniel Sepulveda was like, “OMG. Can you make him shut up? I swear if I hear another word that ends in ‘aurus’ I am going to punt someone.”
And Dougie was all, “My baseball team sucks and is caught in a downward spiral of historical proportions. I can’t deal with this internal fighting on top of that. Shut up about the stupid dinosaurs and turn around so I can slap your butt.”
And David Conrad said, “Forsooth. O, it is excellent to have a giant’s strength; but it is tyrannous to use it like a giant.”
And then Daniel was all, “DID YOU JUST SAY TYRANNOSAURUS?!”
It was all downhill from there.