Random n’at.

1.  Dear Rain, thank you for waiting four weeks until just the right moment that you could catch me on the streets of the Burgh without an umbrella.  Well played, sir.  Well played.

2.  It is imperative, you wordsmiths out there, and I’m looking at you Chad Hermann because you might quit us, but we don’t have to quit you, that we come up with a new phrase, a phrase that conveys more suck than “major suck,” a phrase that conveys more loserdom than “LOOOOOOOSER!” and a phrase that conveys more fail than “epic fail” to describe how shitty my Sportsocracy.org Yinz Team Fantasy Football team PittGirl’s Minions performed against Cynthia Closkey’s Brilliant Mistakes during week one.

It seems my entire team, Peyton Jerkwad Manning included, woke up on Sunday and said, “Screw her,” and thus have landed me in next to the last place with an embarrassing 59 points.

I might need to make some major trades this week to get rid of some of my maimed and injured.  Hey, would anyone be willing to take say Jeremy Bloom off of my hands for perhaps say Reggie Bush?  Anyone?  Anyone?  Dread Lord Zober?

What?

3.  It has nothing to do with Pittsburgh, but my gosh, a story in which a person is woken out of their sleep to find a burglar coating him with spices and slapping him with a sausage?  Awesome.

Cops busted a man who allegedly broke into the home of two farmworkers, stole money, rubbed one with spices and whacked the other with an 8-inch sausage before fleeing.

Now that you read that, I would like you to go back and read it again and imagine Tina Fey saying it on SNL Weekend Update.

It just works, doesn’t it?

Also, there is no explanation for why a person would rub another person down with spices and then whack that person with a sausage.  But if there was an explanation, I bet Skippy Skeeve would know what it is.

(h/t RockinPRGirl via Plurk)

4.  Sausage is the greatest word in the English language.  Back me up on that.

5.  Jim and Randy and Michele Michaels and Sean McDowell from ‘DVE are doing a very very cool thing by having a radiothon to raise money for Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh and YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THE SICK KIDS.

Have you ever walked the halls of Children’s Hospital?  And have you seen the amazing things that the hospital does to make the kids have the best experience they can have under the circumstances?  And have you seen the little kiddies with no hair, with burns, or with tubes coming out every which way?  And have you seen how very very smiley they are?!

Kids.  Stronger than us, for sure.

If you have it in your heart, why not forgo those expensive lattes for a day or two and kick a few bucks to the cause?

Check it out. If money is an issue, you can always give your time as a volunteer at the phone bank, which is just as awesome of you, if not more.  Tell them PittGirl sent you and DO THEY KNOW HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT THE SICK KIDS?!?

6.  Some CraigsList What The Effies:

7.  My self-united husband Matt Lamanna is back from Australia, looking fit and tan and SMART.

The other husbands are kind of getting sick of his stories about the meticulous digging he did over there.  Daniel Sepulveda was like, “OMG.  Can you make him shut up?  I swear if I hear another word that ends in ‘aurus’ I am going to punt someone.”

And Dougie was all, “My baseball team sucks and is caught in a downward spiral of historical proportions.  I can’t deal with this internal fighting on top of that.  Shut up about the stupid dinosaurs and turn around so I can slap your butt.”

And David Conrad said, “Forsooth. O, it is excellent to have a giant’s strength; but it is tyrannous to use it like a giant.”

And then Daniel was all, “DID YOU JUST SAY TYRANNOSAURUS?!”

It was all downhill from there.





37 Comments

  1. Brother Anthony
    September 9, 2008 9:05 am

    2. It’s Closkey
    4. I’ve sometimes argued it’s the word “poop” but you might be right. At least you’re consistent.
    http://haveagoodsandwich.org/2008/01/24/sausages/



  2. pittgirl
    September 9, 2008 9:09 am

    Whoops. Fixed. :)



  3. aDerek
    September 9, 2008 9:12 am

    Oh, PG, you are so right about Children’s Hospital. About 4 years ago my son, who was 4 at the time, had emergency surgery there and although it was one of the worst things my family has gone through, my son remembers only the fun parts (arts and crafts! indoor picnic! being terrorized by a giant Furry!)and the care and compassion of the staff during his stay there.



  4. aDerek
    September 9, 2008 9:15 am

    I have to disagree with you on the sausage, though. The best word in the English language is “plethora”. I don’t know why, but it is. You can look it up on the internets. I swear, it’s true.



  5. Lyon Advocate
    September 9, 2008 9:16 am

    2. Just want to enjoy the fact that Chad is no longer blogging. Oh happy day! Also, I like “craptastic” to describe things that suck a whole bunch.



  6. NoSide15212
    September 9, 2008 9:26 am

    Jeremy Bloom? WTF? You knew you were drafting for a Fantasy F-O-O-T-B-A-L-L League, as opposed to, say, the lineup for an underwear catalogue, right?



  7. pittgirl
    September 9, 2008 9:29 am

    I was joking. I don’t have Jeremy Bloom. He was cut from the Steelers and isn’t playing for any team right now.



  8. workingmama
    September 9, 2008 9:35 am

    I’ve always enjoyed the word Bamboozled. I try to use it at least once a week at work. Or Rapscallion. That’s another good one.

    Though Sausage does make me giggle!



  9. KGC
    September 9, 2008 9:40 am

    aDerek…

    Plethora is good, but I’m somewhat a fan of either conundrum or incorrigible.



  10. unsatisfied
    September 9, 2008 9:43 am

    it’s poop.

    definitely.



  11. NoSide15212
    September 9, 2008 9:47 am

    umm…so was I. I just wanted, for once in my lifetime, to say to a woman…”there you go, thinking with your vagina again….” I was imagining a scenario in which you argued with league officials as to why you couldn’t draft Matt Lammana.



  12. Brian
    September 9, 2008 9:55 am

    6. OK, the first guy looks like he’s 15 and has major teen depression. I know that there’s probably nothing more appealing for a woman than to reach out and contact some idiot who can’t spell and apparently wallows in self-pity. Seriously, dude. That’s why no one contacts you.

    The balls thing. Uh, yeah. Fake, fake, fake, fake, fake.

    The rest … whatever. Have fun being losers, losers.



  13. BIGGEORGE
    September 9, 2008 9:58 am

    Here might be a good place to find the
    word you are looking for.

    http://www.freerice.com/index.php



  14. Mkting Chick
    September 9, 2008 10:00 am

    The poetry writing dude on Craig’s list….anyone notice that he appears to be driving a school bus? Guessing that he used the bus’s security cam to snap his Craig’s list picture? Now that is priceless. The only thing that could make this worse /more hysterical is if there were little elementary aged heads populating those seats. Good God!



  15. johnny
    September 9, 2008 10:09 am

    2. Cleveland



  16. retiredguy
    September 9, 2008 10:28 am

    The drunk lonely kid looks like he could be Big Ben’s little brother, so I can see why he would be drunk and depressed.

    Craiglist makes one thing painfully obvious. Many people are not taking advantage of educational benefits that are available to them.



  17. lostinpgh
    September 9, 2008 10:34 am

    Appaently someone has a sausage fetish. Not you PG. (Though you might, but that’ not my business) Did the robber yell “That’s one spicy sausage!” as he escaped?

    :crickets:

    Yeah that’s what I thought.



  18. brainlint
    September 9, 2008 11:11 am

    Sausage is definitely the most spectacular word around. But, it’s even BETTER if you say it with an English accent ;)



  19. efw_west
    September 9, 2008 11:16 am

    just wait until the new CHP opens, you will be truely impressed.



  20. Christina
    September 9, 2008 11:20 am

    6. I love the side-hat wearing poet taking his sexy pictures for craigslist on a schoolbus. “I know your stop’s next but I need to throw on my Kanye shades and take pictures for the ladies and I got some great natural light right now…”



  21. Stephanique1
    September 9, 2008 12:09 pm

    6.) Regarding the third dude, my first thoughts were “Is he really on a school bus?” Now, is he a student or the driver….I don’t care. Either way. HOT!!



  22. chrys
    September 9, 2008 12:11 pm

    My 6 yr old daughter tells everyone her favorite word is diarrhea. It’s hysterical.. she says it and laughs like a raving lunatic..



  23. chrys
    September 9, 2008 12:13 pm

    oh, I forgot.. regarding #6, anyone else think tht the first douchebag looks like a young Donny Wahlberg from New Kids on the Block?



  24. Mitch Cumstein
    September 9, 2008 12:31 pm

    OK, so Chad is gone. When is Lyon Advocate’s “craptastic” blog going away?



  25. Jenn aka RockinPRGirl
    September 9, 2008 12:58 pm

    2. I cannot take credit for pointing out the apparent sausage fest, as that was Kim’s doing.

    So, points to Kim! Bam!

    7. Why must Matthew be such a nerd and a hottie? Sheesh. Be still. my. heart.



  26. scottie
    September 9, 2008 2:03 pm

    3) I guess someone was A-Salted? Asalt with a deadly weiner?



  27. john
    September 9, 2008 2:26 pm

    i am verry picky abouts that and just axe anybody and they probley means that if you have a beautiful smile i would probley work lol

    I kinda miss all that ebonics talk and stuff..LET ME HEAR YOU ALL UP IN THE FIELD ALRIGHT!!!!



  28. lovesthenorthside
    September 9, 2008 3:11 pm

    2. change their name to the pirates.
    4. i kinda like quagmire.



  29. Jen
    September 9, 2008 3:20 pm

    Hey… I love how you feel about sick kids. You see the hope in them, not just the sadness. I’m a nurse at Children’s in the PICU and seeing the hope and strength in sick kids is a big reason why it is bearable to see sick kids every day. Thanks for having a heart. And thanks for promoting the fundraiser.



  30. gumbygirl
    September 9, 2008 4:50 pm

    I’m partial to the word “flummoxed” for some reason, but sausage is good! The first Craigslist dream date might think about doing some laundry- that orange shirt is filthy.Although that appears to be the least of his problems.



  31. Ed Heath
    September 10, 2008 5:47 am

    I’ve always liked the word pedantic, since using it is also the definition of it.

    Dwight Schrute is robbing houses now?



  32. Mrs Pitsberger
    September 10, 2008 10:41 am

    Best word in the English language:

    Onomatopoeia!!



  33. coolmommy123
    September 10, 2008 10:44 pm

    I, too, like “connundrum,” but a favorite is “serendipity.” However, SAUSAGE. Did you ever see the old skit from, let’s see, maybe “You Can’t Do That on Television,” that’s a fake documentary about a guy who works in a sausage factory (and steals sausages by hiding them in his pockets)? There’s a scene when they’re in the factory squirting ground meat into pig intestines, a narrator is repeating the word “sausages. sausages. sausages.” over and over again? It’s a really obscure skit, but I distinctly remember it because we were so amused by the repeated “sausages.” It is a memorable word.



  34. coolmommy123
    September 10, 2008 10:57 pm

    Ok, PittGirl, you might need to be happy from a couple of Zimas to truly enjoy this, but here’s the obscure skit I mentioned in the above post (and I was wrong…it was from “Kids in the Hall”). I should have known that it’d be on YouTube. SAUSAGES.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CiGRpm6Tf3I



  35. Brother Anthony
    September 10, 2008 11:21 pm

    great skit



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