Random n’at.

1. Windy!

2.  Today is a great day here in the Burgh because it looks like fall.  I can’t explain it; you have to see it.  Maybe it’s the way the clouds are shaped, stacked high, haphazardly.  A ribbon of light on the horizon.  Or their odd colors with the grey meshing with the purple contrasting against the spots of blue poking through.  Maybe it’s the crisp outlines of their edges.  All I know is it’s gorgeous and it’s very fall-y.  And windy.

3.  Speaking of windy … as she lives in Texas, in a non-evacuation area, but still close enough to get some damage, Tina Fey was sure to keep us all updated as Ike roared overhead her palace in Texas:

First email:

In an effort to keep you all updated on Ike as it slams into our house, I decided to email a running journal of our day.  I’ll update periodically so that you all don’t have to worry…unless you don’t hear from me for a while, which could mean one of several things:  One, I have no power and can’t get online.  Two, my windows were blown out by the wind and I’ve been struck by shards of glass and am no longer able to email.  Three, Ike has spun off a tornado that has sucked me up like lint on a carpet, and, therefore, I’m no longer at the computer.  We’re all going to write our social security numbers on our arms so that we can be identified should we be deposited miles from our home.

Local time:  11:06 a.m.

Weather conditions:  Windy with light, sideways rain.  However, no debris is seen yet and it appears that our outdoor furniture is still, in fact, outdoor furniture and has not yet been turned into flying implements of death.

Second email:

Time: 12:31

Weather Update:  In some sort of strange phenomenon, the rain in the front of the house is raining sideways still, while the rain in the backyard is now straight up and down.  Not quite sure what that might be from.  Oh wait, there it goes sideways in the backyard again.  Nope, it’s straight up and down again.  You think I’m kidding but I’m not.  It’s changing directions constantly.  The wind has picked up quite a bit.  And judging from the weather channel that we’re watching, the worst is yet to come.

Have started receiving phone calls from relatives I haven’t spoken to in years.

Then, nothing.  So Pens Fan sent out this:

Tina Fey, did you blow away?  Maybe the twister will take you to Pittsburgh.  Hope all is ok.

Finally, we heard from her:

Okay.  So we’re still alive.  Shortly after my last message to you yesterday we lost electricity and we just got it back at about 2:30ish in the morning.  So all in all, we totally kicked Hurricane Ike’s ass…or I should say, Hurricane Ike totally didn’t kick our ass.  We actually sat out on our back porch yesterday afternoon and watched the wind.  We had friends from the neighborhood over and played spoons and then opened every freaking window in the house so that we wouldn’t roast to death.  Sleeping sucked because even with the windows open it was, well, moist.  We all smell like towels that have been sitting in the washing machine a little too long.  It’s lovely, really.

So anyways, Burghers, Tina Fey is okay.  Repeat, she is fine.  You can rest easy now because I know how concerned you were for my family members that you’ve never met before.

4.  “What They’re Really Thinking” will probably not get posted until later today.  You’ll be fine.

5.  Dear you gazillions of boys that land here searching for “Sonni Abatta boyfriend”, yes, of course she has a boyfriend; she’s really really hot.  And here you go. Sonni Abatta brought her Penguin boyfriend (wait, is he still on the team?) Kris Beech out for the Savor Pittsburgh event.

Twenty bucks says she dressed him.  He looks awesome and I NEVER think Kris Beech looks awesome.  The power of a girlfriend with style.

5.  Seeing as she has been with Kris for quite a long time, this does not bode well for my hope that Sonni would one day end up with Jim Lokay.  Bum-mer.

6.  Attorney David Shrager has sent his minions out in force to defend the fact that he wears his hair like Skippy Skeeve (I’ve also heard he has tattoos all up and down his arms, but that is neither here nor there.  What the hell does that phrase mean?) and to say he’s a kickass defense lawyer.  That might be the case.  But his hair is still ridiculous.

This can’t be denied.

7.  “Little Hemorrhoid” has also unleashed her minions, including her boyfriend.  And again, I have to wonder.  Do these people actually know what a hemorrhoid is and why it is so very yucky to put that word next to a picture of cherries?

8.  I’m being bitchy today, aren’t I?  I apologize.  Feel free to choke me when you see me next.

9.  How great is it to behold the power of the blog?  We have questions about people (hiya, Menstrual Mom, David Shrager, and Little Hemorrhoid) and they give us answers directly.  As I Plurked, my new tagline should be “The Burgh Blog:  Getting to the Bottom of Shit since 2005.”

10.  And finally, The Buccos of Suckitude …  Ah, who gives a damn?





30 Comments

  1. Kylie
    September 15, 2008 8:44 am

    Sonni is a woman of many talents if she can make Kris Beech not look like a creeper. Well done!

    Also, I must say, I’ve never seen Sonni not all news-ladied up. She’s stunning!



  2. Mrs Pitsberger
    September 15, 2008 8:59 am

    7. Could we please have some grammatically correct arguments? Don’t people know how very stupid they look when they use the word “there” when they mean the word “their?”
    Also, shift makes capital letters and a period is used to end a sentence!!!

    8. I’m being bitchy today, too, PG.



  3. bucdaddy
    September 15, 2008 9:03 am

    I was at the baseball game yesterday, and Minky cares. Oh yes he does. He plays baseball like Hines plays football.



  4. scottie
    September 15, 2008 9:31 am

    I thought of you yesterday, PG. I was at Max’s Allegheny Tavern (kick-ass german….you’ll be bound up for a week), and there were 2 tables of elderly women. From the one table I heard an old lady exclaim, “My grandson spends all day surfing the eBay!”



  5. DeutschtownFrau
    September 15, 2008 9:46 am

    While we’re bitching about language, is there anything we could do to reclaim “who”? It’s not “that” — “people that,” “minions that,” “city officials that” — if we’re talking about people, people! kthxby.



  6. akb
    September 15, 2008 10:35 am

    Pittgirl – I’m not so much a minion as a colleague. When my admin showed me the blog, I commented because I like his work and thought he was worth defending. I don’t even think David knows about this blog. I certainly never told him. Anyway, it’s not such a big deal that you would never hire him as your attorney. You probably couldn’t afford him anyway.



  7. Izzy
    September 15, 2008 10:40 am

    nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah! GEEZ!



  8. Pittsburgh Tom (in NJ)
    September 15, 2008 10:49 am

    I still give a damn about the buccos. Even stayed at the bar late (granted not a big sacrifice) to watch the entire rain-delayed game on Friday and the whole extra innings game on Saturday. It’s my way of getting a brief vacation from the land of the Philadelphia sports fans and back to the land of Black and Gold.



  9. chrys
    September 15, 2008 10:53 am

    I have to agree about the weather.. I love it. Autumn is on the way!! Thank God!!! :) The only bad thing about the wind storm is that my kids don’t have school, and they are driving me crazy!!

    As for the Sommi pic… thank you. I forwrded it to my husband. He has a serious crush on her… and Kris Beech looks like a tool. I think it’s the Jackie O type sun glasses. Did he borrow them from Sonni? Oh well..



  10. coach99
    September 15, 2008 11:01 am

    Sonni looks great without all the heavy tv makeup. How about some pics of AliMo….maybe fix her up with Jimmy Lo….oh, wait..I think AliMo has a bf.



  11. Magnus Patris
    September 15, 2008 11:05 am

    #6 akb: “Anyway, it’s not such a big deal that you would never hire him as your attorney. You probably couldn’t afford him anyway.” No she probably wouldn’t need to hire him because she probably won’t be leading the police on a high speed chase through the city during rush hour. At least I hope not; right PG?



  12. TheJim
    September 15, 2008 11:11 am

    I think the Pens currently own the rights to Kris Beech, buthe’s not on the active NHL roster. Might be in training camp though.

    I also love how people assume that all bloggers are poor.



  13. Brother Anthony
    September 15, 2008 11:14 am

    I still give a damn.



  14. Summer
    September 15, 2008 11:28 am

    As soon as we had power/internet connection back, I thought, “I’ve got to see what Pitt Girl has to say about her self-united hubby Dougie M emptying the benches yesterday in a showing of the awesomest aggression and in-your-faceness that’s hit Pittsburgh baseball in about ten years.”

    We were at the game yesterday, and it did me proud to see him taking no crap. He makes it worthwhile.

    And I get # 10. Sadness, PG, sadness. I’ll be in the corner with my woe cake.



  15. plexxer
    September 15, 2008 11:34 am

    “Anyway, it’s not such a big deal that you would never hire him as your attorney. You probably couldn’t afford him anyway.”

    akb, did you type that while you were relaxing on an office chair upholstered with rare albino zebra leather, your feet propped up upon a desk made only from the finest hardwoods, smoking a hand-rolled cigar you have just lit with a $50 bill? Beaause that’s totally how I pictured it.

    Also, Sonni is dating Imhotep from The Mummy? That would explain her ageless beauty . . .



  16. Joe
    September 15, 2008 11:49 am

    plexxer, you beat me to it.

    I was thinking – balding, divorced, drives a ‘sports’ car. Am I close?



  17. Right Wing Nutjob
    September 15, 2008 11:53 am

    Scottie, did you get Mother of PittGirl’s name?



  18. joey
    September 15, 2008 11:54 am

    Re: “Little Hemorrhoid”:

    Every time I think that I have finally stopped underestimating the stupidity of society, I am again slapped by the cold hand of reality.

    Re: Sonni…whoa…’nuff said.

    Re: akb…and you wonder why people think that lawyers are, as a whole, douchebags.

    Re: the wind and the weather…I’ll be a bit more cheery if my power comes back on before everything in the fridge rots.



  19. Steelers0807
    September 15, 2008 11:54 am

    “Anyway, it’s not such a big deal that you would never hire him as your attorney. You probably couldn’t afford him anyway.”

    Hahaha…yep you have to rob a bank first.



  20. spoon
    September 15, 2008 12:11 pm

    Beech is just occupying space in case someone gets injured in pre-season. Same ole story for him. Sonni is glad he’s back in Pittsburgh



  21. lovesthenorthside
    September 15, 2008 12:14 pm

    4. can’t wait b/c the power went out at 8:10 and i’m craving pictures.

    5. disagree — he looks like a creepy rob corrdry.

    8. bitchy too, but will imagine that mrs. pittsberger is talking about effies and not me or ee cummings.



  22. Amazon woman
    September 15, 2008 12:29 pm

    The pumpkin spice lattes are back. A sure sign of fall.



  23. Joe
    September 15, 2008 12:30 pm

    I should not have said ‘balding’. I am bald myself. I am not offended when jokes about it are made but…



  24. Ravishing Rick
    September 15, 2008 12:53 pm

    #5
    Sonni and her boyfriend

    “Beauty is in the EYE of Beholder”
    “Love Is Blind”
    “Oh My”

    I wonder if she has any tats?



  25. unsatisfied
    September 15, 2008 2:02 pm

    who can afford mr. heat miser, esq.? after all, he has to afford all of that hair gel somehow….



  26. Wilf
    September 15, 2008 3:09 pm

    When that Sonni photo shows up on “Hot Chicks With Douchebags” later this week, I have no idea how it got there.



  27. InSewickley
    September 15, 2008 4:55 pm

    LOL @ second No. 5.

    Agree w/ No. 10.

    And why does Sonni Abatta look so different than she does on TV? Wow. (Not sure if that’s a good wow or a bad wow.)



  28. Ravishing Rick
    September 15, 2008 11:45 pm

    Looks like Conrad K from the New Ken/Arnold area I know that isn’t saying much



  29. LMAO
    September 17, 2008 8:07 am

    Looks like Sonni has an overly plastic elephant face. Sick. Sad. Insecure. Too much surgery.



  30. Nasty
    September 29, 2008 5:21 pm

    SHE’S NASTY WITH ALL THAT SURGERY