Dear PETA,

You guys are all total lameasses, you know that?

You tell us there will be naked women in Market Square, you tell us they will be HOT women, and you tell us some crap about meat is bad.  Boo meat!  Eat veggies!  Don’t wear fur!  Don’t shave your armpit hair! Or whatever the hell it is you’re getting naked for on that day.

Look at all these people coming down to Market Square to take pictures of what they were told would be butts and boobies.

No butts. No boobies.  Girls behind a screen.

I’m not saying I necessarily want you to flash the patrons of Market Square, because I don’t think the kiddies need to see that.

I’m saying stop issuing press releases claiming that there will be nakedness because guess what? Being covered up does not equal naked.  Otherwise, every single one of us wearing clothes right this second is actually naked.

OMG.  Look!  There’s Sonni Abatta on TV.  She’s naked!  Totally naked underneath her clothes!

Gawd.





30 Comments

  1. spoon
    September 17, 2008 8:32 am

    Come on yinzers! there have to be better pics than the news feeds! Look at all of those cameras and horny guys standing around ready to wave singles.

    At first I thought there has to be someone with an aerial view of this. Then as images went through my head I realized that they were probably a lot like the 2 hippie chicks from Without A Paddle. That I don’t need to see. It’s not the 70’s anymore.

    I can download better images from MySpace or go to the Cricket Lounge for $5 and take some blow.



  2. chrys
    September 17, 2008 8:35 am

    This was definately lame. I understand PETA’s stance, but this was one very lame stunt. My husband works downtown and walked over to check it out, he was disappointed.. he didn’t get to see “free boobies”.. :)



  3. Brian
    September 17, 2008 8:49 am

    I enjoy the fat douche losers there up front with their camera phones, calling their buddies to set up meetings later over some Coors Lights to look at their grainy photos of the “hotties” they just fawned over. Pathetic losers. Did you really think you were going to get exposed boobs and vag in the middle of a public place? I mean, come on now. Really? Did you REALLY?

    PETA’s point was lost in all of this, which clearly they had to realize was going to happen. When you have a bunch of loser fat men with no lives rushing down to see naked ladies, don’t you think their next stop (well, OK, maybe second stop after the mens room stall) is going to be to consume meat? Stupid idea lost on stupid people.

    Some people’s children. I’ll tell ya.



  4. geeves
    September 17, 2008 8:55 am

    I don’t understand how 1lb of meat is equal to ~2500 gallons of water.

    Now, I may eat a 16oz NY Strip which I wash down with 2 beers and later when heading to the restroom I flush once, just once so it may, by proxy, cost 2 gallons of water… tops… depending on the breaks.



  5. captain dummy
    September 17, 2008 9:09 am

    geez brian… don’t hold back!

    i’m not a “fat” loser… i MAY or MAY NOT be a “loser”, depending on which ex-girlfriend you ask… but dude, it’s nekked womens… what guy DOESN’T want to see nekked womens (and maybe get a pic for later. hee hee).

    brian, by the way, has never EVER rushed ANYWHERE to see that sort of… yukky… nudity! and has CERTAINLY never looked at that type of picture with “buddy’s”… gross! LOL.

    …angel!



  6. bucdaddy
    September 17, 2008 9:20 am

    Where’s Chopper 11 when you need it? Bah.



  7. DPUTiger
    September 17, 2008 9:38 am

    The whole “meat=2345 gallons of water” statement made me scratch my head, so I went on a quest yesterday to figure it out.

    Basically, the claim is that an animal that turns into your dinner poops and pees, and that fouls XXX gallons of groundwater. Animals are killing our planet! Which brings me back to the involuntary eye-roll that happens whenever I see or hear “PETA”



  8. TC
    September 17, 2008 9:45 am

    DPUTiger:

    Those defecating animals are dangerous. We’d better hunt them all down until every last one is gone.



  9. DisplacedFromPitt
    September 17, 2008 10:01 am

    Did you put that about Sonni just to see how many Google hits you now get on “naked Sonni Abatta”?



  10. Pingback: » PETA’s shower in market square

  11. Mitch Cumstein
    September 17, 2008 10:47 am

    Yeah, what Captain Dummy said. Brian clearly isn’t into nekked girls. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.



  12. Brian
    September 17, 2008 12:00 pm

    I enjoy the implied gay undertones to the joshing. A guy thinks that dumbasses flocking to a scene where there clearly won’t be naked girls, must be gay. Ah, Pittsburgh.

    See kids, why do I need that when 1.) I have a wonderfully gorgeous lady at home, 2.) If I really need to see guaranteed random vag, I have porn. Give me a fucking break. Unless you’re one of the fat dudes in the photo above, I’m pretty sure I didn’t direct that at you. Go back and actually READ WHAT I WROTE.



  13. John
    September 17, 2008 1:46 pm

    DPUTiger & geeves – glad I wasn’t the only one perplexed by PETA’s moronic statement about meat and water. Not that I ever took these people seriously, but now, the eye rolls will commence anytime I see or hear PETA.



  14. Mitch Cumstein
    September 17, 2008 9:35 pm

    Brian, I am that pathetic fat dude. Under that curtain, they were nekked, pal. And for the record, I think I saw a nip.

    But whatever, don’t be that guy that tries to impress girls by talking about his own gorgeous girl and how he doesn’t need to see other nekked woman. We all need to see a little nekkedness now and again. Skinemax, PETA, whatever gets it done for you.

    Btw, please stop using the term vag. Frankly it’s a little creepy and now I picture you as Buffalo Bill, checking out your vag in the mirror.



  15. Brian
    September 18, 2008 7:46 am

    Hey Mitch, vag. :-)

    Also, not trying to impress anyone. I have one lady, so why the fuck do I need to impress other ones? I think it’s pathetic that people need to profess publicly how much they love seeing naked women. Who are you trying to convince? OK, we get it, you love naked women. Now quiet down. I don’t really feel like I have to plaster all over message boards how much I like seeing women naked.

    Dude, for real, the whole point is there were all these pathetic people who actually thought they were getting nudity, got alll riled up, and were disappointed. Anyone with a brain (no offense) had to know they weren’t seeing nudity.



  16. Christina
    September 18, 2008 10:06 pm

    I am Brian’s lady at home, and he is very much into seeing the “nekkid” women. Not that I need to defend him, that he likes women without clothes on (what hetero guy doesn’t?), but I think you’re missing the entire point of what he’s saying.



  17. bucdaddy
    September 19, 2008 12:46 am

    F*** PETA. I’m saving myself for the Holy Nekkid Trinity — PittGirl, Ta-Ta and Tina Fey.

    Yeah, all three, cause I’m pervy like that. What about it?



  18. Kelli
    September 19, 2008 8:37 am

    Bucdaddy – be careful what you wish for. Sleeping with multiple siblings just isn’t as fun as it initially sounds.

    And we will just leave it at that.



  19. captain dummy
    September 19, 2008 10:28 am

    my goodness am i glad brian and christina found eachother in life!!!

    …there’s hope for all of us fat losers! lol



  20. Mitch Cumstein
    September 19, 2008 11:43 am

    my goodness and i glad brian and “christina” found each other in life!!!

    /fixed
    //unless Second Life counts, pretty sure Brian doesn’t have a lady.



  21. Brian
    September 19, 2008 12:40 pm

    This board has fallen off a cliff. Sorry, Pittgirl. Popularity is bound to attract douchebaggery who cannot decipher what posts mean and have to resort to Mitch and the Captain, who have fairly suitable names. Remember when we could debate and not resort to this? Good times. Name calling (OK, I did call people fat douchebags or something, so guilty, but it was randomly), accusations, hilarity. Ah. You kids amuse me. Yes, I “made up” a girlfriend, who only happens to have been posting here and reading this longer than I have. It would help if you read some other posts. Ah, why bother. Let’s fire up the gay and “second life” jokes. Someome cited second life, yet I’m the one being slagged. :-)



  22. Brian
    September 19, 2008 12:42 pm

    Oh, and I do apologize to Pittgirl seriously. I figure you didn’t design this so these threads so they could resort to this. I’ve just realized the mentality of the people I’m arguing with and feel silly for having taken part. Wow. Eh, it’s been slow at work. How else are you going to amuse yourself?



  23. spoon
    September 19, 2008 1:35 pm

    If this board has fallen off the cliff I hope it wasn’t this string and Brian that did the pushing. We have much better douchebaggery that is more deserving of that honor.



  24. captain dummy
    September 19, 2008 1:50 pm

    no, i just love how in the first post you get SO ULTRA judgmental! (even though this blog asked people to go take pictures… what?)… lol. THEN, when someone pokes a little fun at you, you get SO defensive! sup wit dat?!?! just makes me laugh a little. i bet “life with brian” is a real treat for everyone! especially the gorgeous christina! am i right? lighten up a little brotha… quit being so gosh-darned sensitive! makes you look like a bit of a tool-bag…

    …and have a nice weekend! ;-)



  25. Mitch Cumstein
    September 19, 2008 3:50 pm

    Brian, I feel like you’re trying to get me in trouble with the teacher (PittGirl) by whining. You were a little over the top in your post (pathetic, fat, losers, douchebaggery, etc.) so you got some over-the-top responses.

    I do, in fact, believe Christina exists. I was not, in fact, someone who went to Market Square. I did get the point of your original post, you were just being a “tool bag” so you go some of your own medicine.



  26. Christina
    September 20, 2008 2:07 pm

    I am rolling my eyes hard at all of this, because I think that the sensitivity and douchebaggery of everyone involved got a bit out of control.

    Nobody wants to look bad to teacher, right? So everyone play nice now and one up each other and make up. It’s just a comments area in a blog. It’s not real life. Let’s all shake e-hands and agree to disagree about who is a douchebag, a toolbag or whatever kind of derogatory bag everyone’s being.

    Personally, I think it is lame that a bunch of men had to run down to Market Square to see PETA prove their point. But what point did it prove? That they could attract all the nerdy men out of their cubes and away from the Onion A/V Club message boards and IT jobs at lunchtime to see two girls showering together? I doubt that anyone seriously cared about the message. I know that it’s supposed to be lighthearted and tongue-in-cheek, but for how serious PETA is about their message, this one seems like kind of a dud.

    PETA should start their own softcore porn website campaign. If you want to see naked girls, they’re all over the freaking place on the internet. ALL.OVER.THE.PLACE. Any kind you want.

    And Captain Dummy, to respond, “life with Brian” is fucking awesome.



  27. Mitch Cumstein
    September 20, 2008 8:36 pm

    Who said it’s real life? No one was taking themselves too seriously but your fella…he was the one clenching his fists and turning beet read. But we should move forward now. Come on Bri…let’s hug it out.

    I will say that at one point, I did start feeling like a dick bag. Never a douche, though.



  28. Brian
    September 22, 2008 9:37 am

    E-hand extended (I do use Purel sanitizer as I’m germ paranoid, so you know, it’s all clean and shit … no pun intended?). Just to say, I was using smileys when I could to demonstrate 1.) I was being a little too overly sensitive and 2.) I was kinda recognizing how silly it all was. OK, it’s all hugged out. Oh God, I just cried a little. OK, I didn’t cry at all. But let’s pretend I did.

    Yeah, I get silly-soapboxish about some stuff (don’t know if any of you were here for my animal rights diatribes and subsequent reponses … good days). OK, Mitch and the Captain, I declare the truce, and as proof I mean it, I’m going to go home and watch like an hour of redtube.com. :-)



  29. Mitch Cumstein
    September 22, 2008 11:22 am

    What is this redtube.com? Consider me intrigued.



  30. LMAO
    September 26, 2008 1:38 pm

    IF SONNI ABATTA WAS NAKED, I’D PUKE MEAT! PETA ROCKS!