The economy and possibly THE WORLD broke today. Let’s all cover our ears, pretend it didn’t happen and take some time to make fun of weird Burghers, m’kay?
1. He wants to find his goth queen. I want to know if he can give me some makeup tips because I can never get my blue eyeliner to QUITE look so perfect. I’d also like to know what the hell kind of goth/vampire hangs out at coffee shops after a long walk in the cemetery at night? Don’t they then go and drink goat blood or something?
2. “Not only am I not a wimp, I’m SO not a wimp that I eat trees for breakfast. Chuck Norris wishes he ate trees for breakfast.”
3. Aw. Not very weird. Witty humor. I hope he finds someone.
4. Don’t bust his stitches. No really. Don’t bust his stitches.
5. I read this ad and I shivered. Not a good shiver. Like a “that guy wants to read me poetry and then probably kill me” shiver. No idea why.
6. “Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?” (Google it.)
7. … and that’s just how I roll, yo.