I am a bad American.
I’m not spitting on soldiers or stabbing puppies with flag pins or anything, but I have completely tuned out anything election-related.
Commercial on the radio for ANY candidate? I’ll switch the channel immediately and listen to an REO Speedwagon song before I’ll hear another “… and I approve this message.”
I don’t want to watch a debate; I don’t want to hear a commercial that’s probably mostly false; I don’t want to know what any candidate did prior to 1975; I don’t want you to call me on the phone and ask me who I’m voting for; I don’t want you to call me on the phone and use a recorded voice to encourage me to vote for your candidate; I don’t want you to call my house seven times a day and hang up when I answer the phone because dudes, I can Google your stupid number and find your ass.
I don’t want your flag pin, your free pencils, your school-ruler giveaway, or your stupid purple balloons. Don’t dial my number, knock on my door, or type my email address. I don’t want you to stop me on the sidewalk and ask me if I’m registered to vote.
I’m not following you on Twitter and your emails are flagged to go straight to hell. I’ll not be swayed by a falsehood, a commercial, a mispronunciation, a pundit, a headline, or a rearranging of the facts. Not even a celebrity threatening to leave the country, because I’m too smart to be all MY GOD, HOW WILL WE SURVIVE AS A PEOPLE IF THAT EGOMANIAC DOESN’T RESIDE IN AMERICA!?
I don’t want to see a donkey, an elephant, a donkey kicking an elephant, an elephant pooping on a donkey, a red state, a blue state, an online poll, or a even a frickin’ check mark.
Call it Decision 2008 or Election 2008 or You Decide 2008 or Vote, Damn It 2008.
Call it what you want, but I’m calling it “enough.”
I made up my mind a long time ago.
I’m writing in Hillary Clinton.
But somewhere, my father just grabbed his chest and screamed, “Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”