Enough already.

I am a bad American.

I’m not spitting on soldiers or stabbing puppies with flag pins or anything, but I have completely tuned out anything election-related.

Commercial on the radio for ANY candidate?  I’ll switch the channel immediately and listen to an REO Speedwagon song before I’ll hear another “… and I approve this message.”

I don’t want to watch a debate; I don’t want to hear a commercial that’s probably mostly false; I don’t want to know what any candidate did prior to 1975; I don’t want you to call me on the phone and ask me who I’m voting for; I don’t want you to call me on the phone and use a recorded voice to encourage me to vote for your candidate; I don’t want you to call my house seven times a day and hang up when I answer the phone because dudes, I can Google your stupid number and find your ass.

I don’t want your flag pin, your free pencils, your school-ruler giveaway, or your stupid purple balloons.  Don’t dial my number, knock on my door, or type my email address. I don’t want you to stop me on the sidewalk and ask me if I’m registered to vote.

I’m not following you on Twitter and your emails are flagged to go straight to hell.  I’ll not be swayed by a falsehood, a commercial, a mispronunciation, a pundit, a headline, or a rearranging of the facts.  Not even a celebrity threatening to leave the country, because I’m too smart to be all MY GOD, HOW WILL WE SURVIVE AS A PEOPLE IF THAT EGOMANIAC DOESN’T RESIDE IN AMERICA!?

I don’t want to see a donkey, an elephant, a donkey kicking an elephant, an elephant pooping on a donkey, a red state, a blue state, an online poll, or a even a frickin’ check mark.

Call it Decision 2008 or Election 2008 or You Decide 2008 or Vote, Damn It 2008.

Call it what you want, but I’m calling it “enough.”

I made up my mind a long time ago.

I’m writing in Hillary Clinton.

Just kidding.

But somewhere, my father just grabbed his chest and screamed, “Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”


  1. SK
    October 6, 2008 7:58 am

    Yet again… PG has said exactly what I was thinking but stated in a much better way.

  2. bucdaddy
    October 6, 2008 8:02 am

    Especially the “don’t stop me on the sidewalk and ask if I’m registered to vote.” If you’re not registered by now, you’re either ignorant or apathetic or stupid or just plain lazy, and I do NOT want you — even if you somehow by sheer accident stumbled into the right poll on election day and in your intellectual torpor managed to cast a ballot — canceling out my well thought-out vote.

    Really, why do we insist on trying to drag the stupid to the polls? We think that’s what democracy is about? That’s not what democracy is about. The key isn’t “How many morons can we get to the polls?” It’s ballot access, and maybe some other things, and ballot access, and ballot access.

    It’s about having choices.

    So before YOU vote, ask yourself why the Democrats and the Republicans fight like hell to keep you from having choices — in short, from having a democracy? Ask yourself why they do everything in their power to keep the Ralph Naders and the Bob Barrs off the ballot.

    Then ask yourself if you want to contribute to a system that encourages them to do that.

    Sorry to be all manifesto, but it’s Monday, dammit. I’ll try to make this the only time I lose it.

  3. CL
    October 6, 2008 8:05 am

    …and that’s church.

  4. Hoosierburgher
    October 6, 2008 8:23 am

    except that the electoral college will end up voting how they want to, no matter what anyhow, so really, does my one little vote even count? Judging from last election, not really. I’ll still go to vote, but not with confidence.

  5. Me
    October 6, 2008 8:25 am

    I think that if after, what, a year and a half of campaigning you fall into the group that are still undecided, maybe it might be a good idea just not to bother. You obviously either don’t pay attention or think it’s important enough to be bothered to find out information, or you’re just unable to ever make a decision about anything. Personally, I think all of those people are just lying so that they can sit on the TV panels of undecideds watching debates. They are just all attention whores. ;)

  6. Magnus Patris
    October 6, 2008 8:29 am

    Primary elections should be in September; the general election in November. Boom! Done! That’s it! But if you are going to vote, consider voting the Choke-a-Bitchocrat ticket for 2008. I’m Magnus Patris and I approved this message.

  7. Fonda Bruises
    October 6, 2008 8:31 am

    PittGirl for President!

  8. NY Luvs Pitts
    October 6, 2008 8:32 am

    Write her in, PG. Write her in. I dare you.

  9. Kat
    October 6, 2008 8:52 am

    I think I’d be more into this election if it didn’t feel like the campaigning has been going on since shortly after the last election. We have 24-hour media and jet planes, like Magnus said above, the entire process should be six months, tops.

  10. red pen mama
    October 6, 2008 8:56 am

    I cheerfully hung up on a campaign caller this weekend. It felt good.

    I also like what “me” said. I can’t believe people are undecided. Really? Still? Educate yourselves, dammit.

    I also admit: I think everyone should vote. Go vote. Be educated about it, but vote. Make up your mind, and vote.

    Finally: Election Day should be a national holiday. Because I’m tired of people whining about how “inconvenient” it is to vote. You know what? Your employer will understand if you’re a little late that day, or if you have to leave early. Okay?



  11. chrys
    October 6, 2008 9:16 am

    I could not agree more. I am soo glad that there are only 29 more days.. We actually had someone knock on our door last weekend and “check” to see if we were registered to vote.. LOL! It’s amazing. I figure if you aren’t by now or are still undecided.. stay home!

  12. Rachel
    October 6, 2008 9:21 am

    That’s church times a million…can I write you in for President?

  13. PittinDC
    October 6, 2008 9:28 am

    I don’t know how anyone in PA could not feel the same way, PittGirl. I was back in Pittsburgh this weekend (yay!) and the TV and radio were innundated with political ads.. it was obnoxious!! I barely get to see any in the DC metro area because Maryland, DC and Northern VA are basically purely for the Dems, but wow.. those ads are obnoxious!! Seeing them all of the time would make me not want to vote as well.

    Also, red pen mama, it is so annoying when people complain that they can’t go vote on Election Day. There’s a federal law requiring employers to let you off for 2 hours to ensure that you can exercise your right to vote. Who wouldn’t want to take advantage of that?!

  14. Sooska
    October 6, 2008 9:29 am

    Choke-A-Bitch-O-crats Unite!

  15. Addie
    October 6, 2008 9:51 am

    I must respectfully disagree about the people with clipboards trying to register voters. I spend a lot of time at Pitt, and I must have been asked a hundred times if I’m registered to vote. But it doesn’t bother me, and it sort of gives me a little warm and fuzzy feeling that these kids (mostly) are willing to stand around and ask people, putting up with whatever reaction they get. It shows me that people care abut this election, which is encouraging.

  16. kelli
    October 6, 2008 9:58 am

    Addie – they are paid to do that. Some may care, but I have to believe that there’s more than one of them does it because its a job.

  17. Jess
    October 6, 2008 9:59 am

    Add to your list (or my list)..

    I don’t want to be accosted by a drunk at the bar who swears that his candidate is better than the other cuz the other guy HATES our military and dare you to prove why not and get all red in the face while he says his veitnam vet brother with the bronze star will back him up.. even when you say they BOTH have good qualities and certainly both care about our service people and it will be tough to choose either one… Hey man, I just want to have a beer and watch the Steelers!

  18. Me
    October 6, 2008 10:08 am

    Kelli — I don’t think most are paid. There are a lot of campaign volunteers trying to register voters.

  19. Jim
    October 6, 2008 10:11 am

    Ignoring all the ads doesn’t make you a bad American. Ignoring your right to vote on election day is another story. The painfully low percentages of Americans who are eligible to vote but have not registered and the number of registered voters who actually go to the polls are embarrassing. Get out on election day and VOTE!

  20. Becky
    October 6, 2008 10:21 am

    Normally I would concur on all counts with PG, being a bit of a pessimist who believes that the mass electorate does not hold stable public opinions over time.

    By this time of the year the campaign has exhausted my patience and I simply want to get the general election over with.

    There is one article on which I find contention, and that is with the people who register others to vote. Yes, the majority of them are paid. Half of them are even trying to get people to register for the first time. But they serve other, very important purposes. First, they can change your party (in PA this is very important for the primaries.) Second, and this is integral to those who have moved… they can register you to a new address.

    This is why many of the registration people have been floating around campuses, so that students can either register via absentee or change to their college addresses. I do not find this annoying. I find this helpful. Moreover, I would rather have a nonpartisan group of people accomplish this task then the people shoving a certain “Have you registered to vote for XXXX yet!?” down people’s throats.

  21. Bram R
    October 6, 2008 10:24 am

    See, I don’t get that. To me this is like So You Think You Can Dance meets 24 with a big dose of Lost (or I guess whatever the kids are watching these days). Love the drama. More!

  22. Mrs Pitsberger
    October 6, 2008 10:25 am

    Has anyone seen the South Park episode where PETA is forcing the school to change their mascot from the Cows to some other more politically correct mascot? The students got to vote on it. Their choices: a giant douche or a turd sandwich.

    I think that pretty much says it all.

  23. unsatisfied
    October 6, 2008 10:25 am

    ok, three things:

    1. it bums me out every election to see such low voter turn out. sure, these candidates might be full of shit, only say what you want to hear then will do what they want anyway, etc. but, face it — one of them will be running our country. get up off yer ass and vote.

    2. I don’t vote with my party — I vote with my head. go choke-a-bitch-o-crats!

    3. is it jan 20, 2009 yet?

  24. Brett
    October 6, 2008 10:28 am

    Although it’s hard to believe, other places get it even worse. I was living in DC during the last round of DC mayoral elections, and trying to get into and out of the metro stations everyday was like running a gauntlet–it was truly ridiculous.

  25. Sofa King
    October 6, 2008 10:29 am

    Amen 1,000 times over. In the end, it really doesn’t matter who gets elected, because as long as it’s a Democrat or a Republican, then we’re really looking at 2 sides of the same coin.

    That’s why I choose to support Apathy in 2008:

  26. Sofa King
    October 6, 2008 10:30 am

    Oh, duh…HTML tags don’t work here…oops!

  27. kelli
    October 6, 2008 10:36 am

    Oh, I don’t mind that they are trying to get people registered to vote (or change addresses or whatever). I just don’t buy the whole idea that it is all altruistic – for most, it is a job.

  28. Addie
    October 6, 2008 10:38 am

    Kelli –

    ACORN workers are paid, yes. But the vast majority of people I’ve encountered have been volunteers. And, for that matter, the ACORN workers I’ve encountered (I’ve seen a few working the bus) have been really professional and enthusiastic about what they’re doing.

    Becky – I agree that not one of the people who has approached me about registering to vote has displayed an party affiliation whatsoever.

  29. sesquipedalianProse
    October 6, 2008 11:00 am

    I have, on multiple times, typed in the candidate “No One.” None of the people, especially in the local elections, seem to be qualified enough to get my vote.

    Vote for No One in the election!!!

  30. Franklyn Kabacinski
    October 6, 2008 11:22 am

    I am not sure why anybody would find voter registration people so offensive. I think of about a million other people that are more irritating starting with local news readers coverage of the election and pretty much everything else.

  31. Judge Rufus Peckham
    October 6, 2008 11:26 am

    “I don’t want to know what any candidate did prior to 1975.”

    I take it that includes what John McCain was doing from October 26, 1967 to March 14, 1973?

  32. dd
    October 6, 2008 12:02 pm

    Only in America does election season last months, if not years. In fact, where else do people even speak of election “season”?!

  33. Hoosierburgher
    October 6, 2008 12:11 pm

    Giant douche or a turd sandwich….oh how you have to love South Park! I think that’s one of the funniest episodes ever!

  34. Michelle
    October 6, 2008 12:32 pm

    I think that rant needed to end with “I’m PittGirl, and I approved this message.”

  35. bucdaddy
    October 6, 2008 12:52 pm

    I repeat: If you don’t care enough to have registered by now, please do me the favor and don’t. And if you are registered and don’t see any differences between the Dems and the GOP but still can’t be bothered to look into what the Constitution Party or the Green Party or the Libertarians stand for and learn how to write in a vote, you please stay home too.

    And I will thank you, because my informed vote in a pile of 10 informed votes has a lot more influence than my informed vote in a pile of 10 informed votes plus 1 bajillion uninformed mulletheaded doofuses’ votes. You really want some of those people PG pulls off of Craig’s list deciding who the next president is? How’s that been working for you?

  36. InSewickley
    October 6, 2008 1:00 pm

    Also tired of the political ads and crap. I don’t care who you are or what platform you think you’re going to run on, you’re going to lie, cheat and steal like the rest before you.

    I’d write in Hillary for sure!

  37. V
    October 6, 2008 2:02 pm

    Amen bucdaddy!

    I am voting for a 3rd party candidate. I’m sick to death of the garbage candidates that are forced on us and I cannot go into the booth and vote for the lesser of two evils anymore.

    If only everyone out there who is thinking “I would vote for a 3rd party candidate, but…” would actually vote for them. Sure, it’s not the perfect solution to all of our problems and politicians in general are a bunch of crooks. But right now the Republicrats have the American people right where they want us….apathetic and uninformed. They have no competition, no threat to their job security, so they have no incentive to do anything differently.

    Until the voters actually threaten the status quo, we will continually be voting for turd sandwiches and giant douches (my favorite episode as well!)

  38. Burgh Baby
    October 6, 2008 3:35 pm

    Nearly four years ago I spent the weeks leading up to the election in Los Angeles, where the election was essentially a forgone conclusion and the candidates were not actively campaigning. It. was. spectacular.

  39. NoSide15212
    October 6, 2008 8:43 pm

    I hate the ads and the lies, but love knowing that we are only scratching the surface at how nasty it’s going to get before the end of this thing on election day. Power does strange things to people. I think that if you haven’t made up your mind by now you shouldn’t vote –I think you should run for Congress instead, where indecision is rewarded with a Committee Chair. I don’t want to know what anyone’s done SINCE 1975 because AFTER 1975, I think you’ve just been planning your run for the White House and every move you make, every word you say, is a calculated, measured, field tested marketing ploy to gain my vote in your inevitable grasp at the holy grail of brass rings, the ultimate power trip on planet earth, the Presidency of the United States. Nope; I want to know if you were a bong-blowing, keg-standing, date raping fuck up (I hyperbolize here) because that is you, like it or not. That is your character, like it or not. Not some media professional’s massaged, polished, rehearsed fabrication of who you think I might like you to be, based on the responses I gave to a marketing assistant intern as I walked out of Chess King at the local mall. I believe that even in our most immature, unguarded moments, I know we all still have the capacity to do the right thing and in that moment who we are is truly revealed. Before it is all over, media and campaign professionals, and so-called unbiased journalists and actors and actresses and the guy down the street who sells insurance and is now drunk on 5 fistfuls of scotch and standing in your living room, will have skewered and smeared and lampooned them all, ad nauseam, in campaign ads and SNL skits, in political cartoons and blogs, and documentary profiles and vote analysis, to the point of debasing the office the candidates hope to hold, all the while demeaning the electorate who themselves only want so desperately to be on the side with whom more people agree.

  40. Tami
    October 6, 2008 9:38 pm

    You know I read this, then had to hop in my car and go to work and the funniest thing happened. I heard a commercial that said “…and I approve this message.” It was FREAKING HD radio commercial. So not only do we have to listen to it for the candidates but for HD radio too?? craziness…

  41. Franklyn Kabacinski
    October 7, 2008 10:47 am

    Do you really shop @ chessking?