Kids … I swear.

I took two gradeschoolers to Pizza Hut yesterday because I am an awesome auntie and because it is good birth control.

H is in 1st grade and N is in kindergarten.

H: Aunt PittGirl.  Did you hear about cousin J?

PittGirl: J?  No.

H: Didn’t Aunt Ta-Ta the Giant-Breasted Poobah call you?

PittGirl: Uh-oh.  What happened?

H: Some older kid told J all of the dirty words at recess yesterday.  And then J went home and repeated them all to Aunt Ta-Ta.

N: What dirty words?  What are the dirty words?

PittGirl: What dirty words were they? [peers over at the younger N who is listening intently.  N is still sheltered from dirty words.] Don’t say them!  Fingerspell the first letter. (H knows sign language)

H: [fingerspells a B]

PittGirl: No. Way!

N: WHAT?!  What dirty words?

PittGirl: Nothing.  No dirty words.  Eat your pizza.  [To H] What else?

H: [fingerspells an S]

PittGirl: Oh boy.

N: No fair!  What’s the dirty words?

H: AND! [fingerspells an F]

PittGirl: [GASP!]

N: [Gasp!]  Did J say STUPID PIG?!?!?

Recess.  A time to play and a time to learn how to spell bitch.


  1. tw
    October 16, 2008 11:04 am

    Oh my gosh…too funny! As a mother of two second graders I sympathize. Just wait ’til they come home with dirty limericks. That’s not too far off. :)

  2. Brother Anthony
    October 16, 2008 11:16 am

    I’m really bothered by that photo, and still saved it as my desktop background.

  3. Magnus Patris
    October 16, 2008 11:51 am

    I’ll have to admit, I occasionally say “GD”. I try not to as much because both my boys are like little echo machines. A couple of years ago we took our oldest, who was 2 at the time to Disney World. As we were waiting for the bus to take us from our resort to the “Happiest Place on the Planet” (TM), he started saying in the happiest, sweetest voice, “Gahdammit! Gahdammit, Daddy! Gaaaaahdammit!” My wife just shot me a glance that made me shiver.

  4. NY Luvs Pitts
    October 16, 2008 11:55 am

    Some of your photos are scaring me. I shouldn’t visit you while I’m eating lunch. I think I’ll start checking in with you just before I go home from work.

  5. Darcie
    October 16, 2008 12:35 pm

    Although the story is cute…I can’t stop looking at the picture. I’m not sure whether I’m amused or disturbed…

  6. unsatisfied
    October 16, 2008 12:48 pm

    it’s better than that bug pic.

  7. Nel
    October 16, 2008 1:12 pm

    My sister used to preach to her kids never to call anyone stupid. That was a dirty word.
    One day my niece was in the car with her grandfather when someone cut in front of them.He forgot she was in the car for a second and yelled to them “You God D## son of a bi**** Stupid Asshole”.
    Allie put her hand over her mouth and told him he said a bad word. “Gramps you just called someone stupid”. The other words never registered.

  8. John
    October 16, 2008 2:33 pm

    Best auntie ever!

  9. Always the auntie
    October 16, 2008 2:40 pm

    Hanging out with kids is excellent birth control. My friends just had their second boy. They also have a two and a half year old. I was holding the baby and thinking that it might not be so bad to have a child of my own when the toddler walked into the room with his hands completely covered in shit. “Mommy, look!”

    Thanks, but no thanks.

  10. Meanieheadface!
    October 16, 2008 3:19 pm

    @ Nel – As a little kid I thought words like “jerk” and “idiot” were “bad words” because they were mean. I don’t think my parents taught me that specifically, I just figured as much. Spirit of the law, I guess. :)

  11. Gunnlino
    October 16, 2008 6:23 pm

    Love the pig photo!
    Reminds me of my ex. Boy did I make a mistake, never again will I go to Craigs List.

  12. Burgh Baby
    October 16, 2008 7:12 pm

    The Toddler loves you even more after learning that you know some sign language.

  13. pittgirl
    October 16, 2008 7:31 pm

    Burgh Wanna Be,

    You mean the STUPID pig. ;)

  14. bucdaddy
    October 16, 2008 11:36 pm

    Count Pigula?

  15. Burgh Wanna Be
    October 17, 2008 9:23 pm


    Exactly, It gave me a good laugh that was much needed. It reminded of an ex-boyfriend who had a pet pig for awhile. I reminded me of why he is my ex ………

  16. Burgh Wanna Be
    October 17, 2008 9:25 pm


    Exactly, It gave me a good laugh that was much needed. It reminded of an ex-boyfriend who had a pet pig for awhile. It reminded me of why he is my ex ………

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