Monthly Archives: November 2008

Awkward.

OMG.  This is so awkward.

Didn’t anyone tell Dockers that you’re supposed to pack up all of your khakis by early September at the latest?  You’re NOT supposed to be purchasing them for Christmas and winter and snow.

Dockers, I got one word for you.  Moleskin.





Two pigeon stories.

1.  This morning I was walking from my bus to my office building when a pigeon that was in the middle of the road suddenly stopped pecking whatever imaginary thing it was pecking at on the the ground, slowly looked up at me … and … I promise you I am not making this up, okay?

It did a double take.

Like it recognized me.

Stared me straight in the eyes and followed me with its head as I walked past.

Like, “Oh, shit.  There’s that girl that injected botulism into Ralph’s eyeball.”

2.  Last week, I was on my bus seated in the first row giving me a free view of the road ahead as we clattered noisily through town near the Cultural District.

That’s when I saw it.  Directly in the bus’ wheel path stood a pigeon with its back to us, pecking hungrily at a stray hamburger bun that it probably stole from a little kid.

This pigeon was completely engrossed in eating this bun.

Completely.

It doesn’t see us coming! I thought.  Squeee! I might have said.

As we approached ever faster, closer and closer, I started getting a little giddy.  Like a kid getting ready to go to Kennywood.  I was all, “I wonder if I should put my hands up in the air when we run it over … just to make it more fun?”

When the pigeon disappeared under the front of the bus, it was like Christmas.

Then I felt a bump.  Not so big that we ran over an old lady, but big enough that we crushed the spawn of Satan.

I heard angels singing.

Three seconds later, we’re still moving, I’m smoking a cigarette (wink), when THE FRICKIN’ PIGEON FLIES OUT FROM UNDER THE FRONT OF THE BUS WITH THE BUN IN ITS MOUTH!

The bus driver, stunned, looked over at me and said, “No. Way.”

I can only assume one of several things:

1.  We missed it and it sat under the bus munching on the bun all, “Hmm.  I should probably skedaddle.  It looks like rain.”

2.  We ran it over and pigeons are indestructible sons of bitches.

3.  There is no God.

Are you there, God?  It’s me, PittGirl.





Oh, LaMont.

I’m not trying to pick on LaMont and this post isn’t really picking on him, so I hope he’s not pouting today or anything.

I had meant to post about this when I read the article, but then I forgot and then yesterday’s post reminded me.

A few weeks ago, LaMont had an article called Hair Force … I’ll pause for a moment in respect to that incredibly witty play on words … and the sub headline was “Pelusi style corps shines during NYC shows.”

Okay.

Philip Pelusi was one of the stylists helping to shape the look of American women’s hair for next spring and summer. The Pittsburgh-based stylist, his creative director Jeffrey Rietz and four other Pelusi stylists coiffed models in designer Benjamin Cho’s Sept. 9 show during Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week.

Mr. Pelusi and his crew collaborated with Mr. Cho to come up with edgy, avant-garde hair styles that complemented the designer’s urban-hipster-meets-futuristic-fantasy ensembles.

Here’s the shining examples of Philip Pelusi hairstyles:

My thoughts:

1.  I am not exaggerating when I say that I could do any of these styles in five minutes with a scrunchie, some kitchen scissors and a big ass can of Aqua Net.

2.  When did models get to be so blatantly fug?

3.  The middle boy-girl?  Every single white-trash, too skinny, acid washed jeans-wearing, grungy, smoking, probably gonna be pregnant before graduation girl in my suburban high school had that exact hair.

Futuristic fantasy/urban hipster. HAH!

Now, on that same day, LaMont also gave us the hair trends for the fall, saying that the “bob” is hot stuff.

This is the example he used from Matrix.

You guys, if I saw a woman walking down the street with that hair I’d be all, “Excuse me, honey, do you need help finding your spaceship or are they just going to beam you up back up soon?”

Also, LaMont?  Two posts in two days means that unless you really lose your shit, I’m going to leave you alone until at least Wednesday.

You’re welcome.





Oh, LaMont.

LaMont Jones, Pittsburgh’s prized fashion guru, had an article about saving money on hair care recently and he interviewed two top hair stylists to get us the correct information we need to know in order to get the best hair care for the best money.

Put aside your questions about what hair care has to do with fashion.

What’s important is that in true LaMont style, things got weird.

First he interviewed Philip Pelusi who gave this advice:

Don’t do your color at home. Doing so can waste rather than save money. Statistics have shown those who color at home often end up with a hair color mistake. Then they go to a salon for a corrective color service, which often ranges from $200 to $300.

Then he puts this in there from “celebrity stylist Wendy” which I’m guessing to mean she’s LaMont’s friend who does maybe like Becky Emmers‘ hair.

For big savings, switch to coloring your hair at home. A color close to your natural shade usually provides the best results. Try going one shade lighter for softer results.

So which is it LaMont?

Are we supposed to go to the salon or are we supposed to do it at home?

Join LaMont next week when he reveals the trends for hot Spring fashions:

  • The shade of periwinkle blue is hot this Spring.  Buy lots and lots of periwinkle blue things.  You can’t go wrong with periwinkle blue!
  • White is out, replaced with soft pinks.
  • Also, stay the hell away from periwinkle blue if you know what’s good for you. Blech.

Thanks LaMont!

You’re the best.





Random n’at.

1. Yesterday I was walking by PNC Plaza or whatever that little square is called between the PNC Towers, and there were about 50 pigeons hanging out there.  Not moving.   Perfectly still.  With their necks scrunched down into their shoulders and their eyes half closed.  Every single one of them.  Like statues.

I can only assume they saw me first and were hoping I wouldn’t notice them there all quiet and still.

Either that or they were downloading new instructions from Satan.

2.  Did you guys watch the Pens last night?  Down 5-2 against Marian Hossa [spit] and the Red Wings?  Came back to win it 7-6 thanks to a raging, hat-tricking Jordan Staal?

Mwah-hahah!

Also, be sure to read the Pensblog’s write-up of the game.

They had me in hysterics on more than one occasion in that post.

Zigomanis wins it with ease back to Go-go, who gets it to Malkin.
Malkin with a blast. Even Jesus Christ doesn’t know where it’s at.
Jordan Staal does, making him better than Jesus. 6-6
Osgood, as expected, blames Jesus for the big goal.

Brilliant!

3.  When did Halloween come to = slutty whores?

Good frickin’ question.

I’m sure most of the guys are answering it with, “Because God loves us.”

4.  My minions, I have seen the next PittGirl shirt.  I’m all tingly.  Soon.  Soon.  My butler is so best.

5.  The Roller Derby awards were held last week, and my girl ‘Snot Rocket Science, who you can catch in the match against Harrisburg on Nov. 22 and see what I’m talking about, took home lots of loot.

An email from Fonda Bruises:

Saturday was our year end banquet. Our girl ‘Snot needed a cart for all her awards. She won:

  • Highest Scoring Jammer
  • Most Inspirational
  • Best Hybrid (Pivot, Blocker, Jammer)
  • The Wrecking Dolls MVP

I told her I was going to take a photo of her to send to PittGirl. I asked her to make the most obnoxious face she could and this is it. She’s still adorable and the most amazing skater!

Enjoy!

Here’s ‘Snot being silly.

And here’s ‘Snot being hot.

6.  Whoa!  Bob “I Heart Benny” Smizik was way harsh on The Duke today:

They lost their most recent game because they have an inordinate number of injuries on offense and because Roethlisberger failed to execute on two pass plays.

Do you kiss your mom with that mouth?  Take it easy on him!

7.  I don’t care how much you hate his guts, you have to admit.  Lukey made an ADORABLE baby.

I guess Erin had something to do with it, too.

(h/t Bram)