Are you voting today? I am. And I’m going to be so happy to do it. Not because I’m all gung ho about any one candidate, but because by voting, that means this WHOLE CROCK OF CRAP IS ALMOST OVER.
Last night’s game was brought to us by 483 commercials of which 482 were political. Too. Much.
On to the game:
1. You know what’s fun? Watching the Steelers while reading what the people you are following on Twitter have to say about the game.
And that right there pretty much sums up the first half of the game.
2. The Asshat, fresh from his suspension for his 420 love, pretty much returned to being Butterfingers Asshat for a good majority of the game, dropping 483 passes, 482 of which were catchable.
The question is, was he sucking because he was high or was he sucking because he WASN’T high.
That is shit I can’t get to the bottom of. Not even PittGirl has that kind of power.
3. Mike Tomlin made the Dumbest Decision Ever by opening the game with an onside kick.
Really?!? There is no need for these kind of shenanigans that early in the game. This is not a movie. We are not Marshall. Or whatever. Stop it. Just play straight Steelers football and win games.
4. Being the Duke of Fug and the Earl of Gross just isn’t enough for Benny anymore, as he’s working hard to be crowned the King of All Football Suck.
His passer rating before he was mercifully injured? 15.1. Fifteen point one! The only Steeler I would expect capable of achieving a passer rating of 15.1 is maybe Baby Cici Donna. But even then, if he just imagined the ball was a carrot, he’d throw that thing away far and hard and true.
5. Maybe the refs were confusing Benny or something?
6. Or maybe the Sexy Stretching Cheerleaders got to Benny.
7. Or maybe it was the Hogettes in their piggy noses and HAWT oink-oink grunting.
Who knew Benny had a pig fetish?
There’s hope for you yet, minions!
5. Benny can’t run. Ever. Why is this? There was more than one occasion yesterday when his big giant legs just needed to decide to take three steps and BAM! first down. Instead, he’d stand there, hold the ball, lead in his shoes while waiting for the inevitable sack.
Run, Benny! RUN!
8. Byron Leftwich came in and made me a fan.
“It was good to be back on the field again,” Leftwich said.
Here’s the amazing part:
“I truly don’t know the offense yet,” said Leftwich.
When you’re good at football, you’re good at football.
9. The Steelers blocked a punt.
I am as shocked as you are.
10. Jeff Skippy Skeeve Reed missed an extra point attempt.
I am as shocked as you are. Now you KNOW that had something to do with the sideline sluts.
Also, this is what I get for not benching his skeevy ass in fantasy football. I have lost four in a row, this game lost to KDKA’s Jim Lokay by three points.
I officially give up.
11. Heath Miller is hurt with a bad ankle and THAT IS NOT GOOD! We need him.
James Harrison is aware of this, so the beast went and got Heath some new legs.
12. A win is a win is a win.
Next week, the likely return of the Duke of Fug and the Earl of Gross, heir to the throne of All Football Suck.