Random n’at.

What better way to get things back to normal than a good old fashioned Random N’at post?

1.  I have drafted my team for the Yinz Team Fantasy Football challenge this year, and in an epic burst of questionable judgment, I drafted a kicker by the name of Jeff Reed. You may also know him as Skippy Skeeve. Fairy Princess. Foul Dwarf. Foul Fairy Princess Dwarf.

The name of my team?

skippysluts2

With Kurt Warner leading my team and hitting Larry Fitzgerald, Domenik Hixon and Jeremy Shockey, combined with the #1-ranked Steelers defense and the poster boy for douchebags everywhere, I am clearly going to dominate the league this year.

Or at the very least, disease it.

2. My @janepitt twitter account is up for best twitterer in the Burgh. I can’t fathom a best twitterer in the Burgh contest that doesn’t have either @cranberryperson or @texburgher in the lead, but if you’re so inclined to vote, by all means have at it.  Because I like to win. At everything.

You should see me play a game of Uno.

“DRAW FOUR, LOSER!”

Also, kids cry easily.

3.  Yesterday at Wal-Mart (DON’T YOU JUDGE ME! I’M UNEMPLOYED!) I saw a little old lady shuffling out of the store in a flower-printed house dress, blue hair, beaded costume jewelry, tan hospital shoes, and a leather Steelers purse.

I wanted to hug her.

4. Here’s a shocking breaking news headline from the P-G:

headlinepke

I bet if you scroll down you’ll see headlines like “The sky is partly cloudy” or “Luke Ravenstahl presents proclamation to random famous person” or “Pirates lose, remain upbeat.”  SHOCKING!

5. Lots of people want to know where I got my t-shirt in my “About” photo. It is called “Pigeons are rats with wings” (That’s church) and you can get it here.  And I just noticed that they are almost completely sold out. Whoops.

6.  More fun hate mail!

This wacko should be kissing pigeons’ cloacas. She OWES her livelihood to the birds!

I have no idea what a “cloaca” is and I’m not looking it up because it sounds dirty. Like bajingo.

And I don’t want the mental image of me kissing a pigeon’s bajingo burned into my brain.

Oh, DAMN IT!





47 Comments

  1. Burgh Baby
    August 25, 2009 11:07 am

    You HAD to draft Reed. The law was written, the sticker was peeled, it was meant to be. Amen.

    BTW, I’m totally cheering for you because I very badly want to see The Other White Jim go down in flames to a couple of 30-something moms.



  2. Jennviolet
    August 25, 2009 11:10 am

    I still haven’t stopped smiling since last Wednesday. It is so extremely awesome to read your blog again. Just can’t say it enough. I’m such a minion. I was never on twitter or facebook so to see you here…swells my heart.



  3. tehamy
    August 25, 2009 11:10 am

    The best part about #4 is that the time stamp is 10:10am. You know, well after the morning rush is over.



  4. Jamie in da 'burgh
    August 25, 2009 11:11 am

    “a cloaca is the posterior opening that serves as the only such opening for the intestinal, reproductive and urinary tracts of certain animal species.” umm, eww mang, WTF??? It is dirty but not bajingo dirty…yuck dirty…Great post Ginny! Where can I get one of the leather Steelers bags?



  5. John in the Rocks
    August 25, 2009 11:14 am

    Bajingo… va-jay-jay… cloaca… I learn so many interesting things reading this blog. :)



  6. Pensgirl
    August 25, 2009 11:16 am

    See, now I just want to know how far Skippy could kick a pigeon.



  7. Three
    August 25, 2009 11:30 am

    Owe your livelihood to the pigeons? You get paid for bashing pigeons? Really? Just two questions:

    1) Who is paying you to do this?
    2) Are they hiring?



  8. zynk
    August 25, 2009 11:34 am

    It’s awesome to click my favorite link and there’s your blog. Welcome back and thanks for making my day.



  9. tehamy
    August 25, 2009 11:38 am

    You should definitely keep scrolling on the breaking news in the PG. Apparently someone thought that a man swimming across Lake Erie in record time was so important, it deserves 2 headlines in the breaking news section.



  10. Nancy
    August 25, 2009 11:47 am

    So great to see a Random n’at post! Now we just need a WTRT and we’ll be all set. :)

    It’s almost sad the level of excitement I have at seeing your posts again. Thank you so much for coming back to us, your minions!



  11. Pa-pop
    August 25, 2009 11:48 am

    Did you get insurance for Skippy’s Sluts? Srsly. You can get protection for your Sluts (lol) if, say, Fitz goes down. FantasySportsInsurance.com. I’m not making this up. See this week’s Time, page 47. And if your Sluts get embroiled in a real hair pulling cat fight with some bitch posse, you can buy dispute resolution for $15 from FantasyDispute.com. Actually, that sounds like the same law firm that Big Ben’s brainless-but-boobilicious plaintiff is using.



  12. G-Man
    August 25, 2009 11:56 am

    Will the Skippy’s Sluts virtual helmet logo feature a towel dispenser?



  13. Jcubed03
    August 25, 2009 11:58 am

    Husband came up with alternate name for your FF team. Skippy’s Sluts and PTDs as in Paper Towel Dispensers. I thought it was funny. Great post!



  14. Bojack
    August 25, 2009 12:01 pm

    $8/lb.?????

    I HAVE IT!!!!!

    THE SOLUTION:

    Historically, squab, or pigeon in general, have been consumed in many civilizations, including Ancient Egypt, Rome and Medieval Europe.[2] The term squab formerly used to include the meat of all dove and pigeon species… Such birds were hunted for their meat, as a cheap and readily available source of protein. The meat from older and wild pigeons is tougher than today’s squab, and requires a long period of stewing or roasting to tenderize.

    LUV THIS PART!! :
    The modern preference for young pigeon likely began because it is much easier to collect birds that have not yet flown from the nest.[2]

    Usually considered a delicacy, squab is tender, moist and richer in taste than many commonly-consumed poultry meats, but there is relatively little meat per bird.[2][3] Today, squab is eaten in many countries, including France, the United States, Italy, the Maghreb, and several Asian countries.[4] Typical dishes include: breast of squab (sometimes as the French salmis), Egyptian mahshi (stuffed with rice and herbs), and the Moroccan dish pastilla.

    A large volume of squab is served at Chinese-American restaurants.
    In some parts of the developed world, squab meat is thought of as exotic or distasteful by many consumers, often as a result of the image of the feral pigeon as an unsanitary urban pest.[4] However, squab produced from specially-raised utility pigeons continues to be a part of the menus at American haute cuisine restaurants such as Le Cirque and The French Laundry.[5][3] Accordingly, squab is often sold for much higher prices than other poultry, sometimes as high as eight USD per pound.[2] In Chinese cuisine, squab is a part of celebratory banquets for holidays such as Chinese New Year, usually served deep-fried.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Squab_(food)



  15. PittinDC
    August 25, 2009 12:12 pm

    I always draft Skippy Skeeve. He and the Steelers defense are generally my most consistent scorers. That’s becuase all the guys in my fantasy team think its funny to steal Peyton from me. Jerks.



  16. AZNBurgher
    August 25, 2009 12:20 pm

    Warner is going to get hurt this year but don’t worry. You could have a Bill Stull type throwing and Fitz could still find a way to snag it.

    I’m going to need to incorporate bajingo into my daily lexicon now.



  17. joe
    August 25, 2009 12:32 pm

    Ever try squab? Pigeon meat is disgustingly gamey, and that’s coming from a guy who likes liver.
    Try dove instead – mourning doves are damn tasty stuffed with wild rice and hazelnut dressing. Maybe some day they’ll legalize hunting them in my state. Until then, there’s always bird feeders and pellet rifles….



  18. Ant_041
    August 25, 2009 1:09 pm

    Thanks to all the above post, I no longer want to eat my lunch.



  19. bluzdude
    August 25, 2009 1:18 pm

    I bet the old lady in Wal-Mart has kicked a pigeon or two in her day.

    When someone had to use a $20.00 word like “cloaca” when they really mean “pigeon bung”, I instantly disregard all they have to say, because they are really saying, “Look at me, I’m a smartypants.”



  20. Martin Silenus
    August 25, 2009 1:35 pm

    re 4.) The Buccos are only 20 games below 500. It’s still August, ya know! And I have to say, on Saturday night I saw Lastings Milledge make the prettiest diving catch you could ever hope to see. C’mon Ginny, surely you can come up with a riff on the name “Lastings Milledge.”



  21. TheBurghDude
    August 25, 2009 1:51 pm

    1. Think Skippys all like PO’d that Ben’s getting all the skank attention from his lawsuit luver? Think he’ll have to step it up a notch beyond the school bus pranks.

    2. +1 vote. Having minions kicks arse no?

    3. No babooshka??

    4. Pirates are in a perenial epic battle… to finish or not to finish in last place. That is the question.

    6. Too funny. You really should post the haters emails / blogs / web pages so we can torture some winged rat lovers in addition to the rats themselves.



  22. Sooska
    August 25, 2009 2:18 pm

    @Pensgirl- Skippy would obliterate the pigeon-it would never get air born. A new game perhaps? I hate pigeons but most especially I hate the filthy seagulls – same thing.

    I have eaten “squab,” a delicacy my Italian husband and in-laws love. They are meh-very small -you have to eat a lot of them to make a meal. Plus, even if they were raised in a hermetically sealed barn-like the one along the Turnpike -they are pigeons. You know what I mean.



  23. Bram R
    August 25, 2009 2:41 pm

    Good show drafting the Steelers’ defense. Now there is always a reason to root for the Steelers. Or well … you know what I mean.

    The cloaca is a sort of bajingoballoonknot.



  24. Still A. Fan
    August 25, 2009 2:59 pm

    Top 5 Things Jeff Reed has kicked:

    1. Footballs
    2. Herpes
    3. Stopping at Sheetz when drunk
    4. A can…albeit a strippers
    5. The shirtless thing

    Really, I mean what goes through his head when he’s drinking….”This shirt has got to come OFF!”.



  25. toni
    August 25, 2009 3:52 pm

    Boy was I off base. I thought it was a squirrel taking the head off of his pigeon Halloween costume….



  26. nate
    August 25, 2009 4:03 pm

    Did I hear the kdka tv announcers call him skippy during the preseason game this last Sunday.



  27. john
    August 25, 2009 4:23 pm

    I see that your “thats church ” website is now estimated valued at $569.40 …I would sell it STAT!!



  28. Arika
    August 25, 2009 5:23 pm

    ok so while we’re on the subject of dirty made up words… what ya think of BURGHASM. eh? I’m jus’ sayin. I think thats what I have when I come out of the fort pitt tunnels and you see the stadiums and the city line (and now casino), and you’re kinda like— YEAH THATS MY CITY.



  29. JenEngland
    August 25, 2009 5:25 pm

    I am SO going to kick your butt in the best Twitterer in the Burgh poll! Get ready to LOSE! You are going to go down and go down HARD!

    …Not

    I’m tossing this one in the “It’s an honor just to be nominated” pile.

    I think my SON voted for you.

    I might have voted for you too, I can’t be sure, its all a dizzy haze.

    Now, if it was a poll for best TWIT in the burgh, I’d have you beat! :)



  30. chrys
    August 25, 2009 5:43 pm

    I love the word “bajingo”.. Scrubs.. my fave show!

    My hubby never read your blog, (because I would call him at work and read it to him.. LOL!)but he will only refer to Jeff Reed as “Skippy”.. infact we usually watch all Steeler games with the in-laws and everyone has taken to calling him “Skippy”

    As for Wal-Mart.. I am a stay at home mommy to 2 kids going back to school this year.. I shop there, and if anyone has a problem with that, well they can bite me. :)



  31. Michael
    August 25, 2009 6:04 pm

    Got’s no problem with shopping at Wal-Mart, or as my wife affectionately calls it HELL. The best time to go is in the middle of the night.

    Avoid the first Friday and Saturday of any month. Word to the wise.

    Here’s what I do have a problem with Wal-mart. Do they ever actually have enough cashiers to handle the barrage or do they acually get a chuckle watching people fume while they wait in one of the 4 check out lines out of 30 that are actually open. They probably sit in the security office and watch the camera feed. I can just imagine the commentary. “Gwen! Hurry! Check out the guy in line 5. He’s hopping mad. I’ll bet he’s a drummer, look at his foot stomp. Wow, that’s a really interesting shade of purple in his face. I’ve never seen that shade before. Gosh I hope his head doesn’t explode. Oh Damn. Clean up in line 5! Clean up in line 5!”



  32. Spanky Mulrooney
    August 25, 2009 6:14 pm

    Dearest PittGirl,

    I take it that Messrs Skippy, Fitzgerald, and Warner shall serve you well in your pool of wager.



  33. facie
    August 25, 2009 8:43 pm

    That Parkway East thing was funny. Thanks for the laugh.



  34. Vivian formerly NYLuvs Pitts
    August 25, 2009 11:04 pm

    I looked up Cloaca in Wikipedia and it is not pretty. There is a picture of a bird with their cloaca turned up (not a good look). http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/9c/Avian_cloaca.jpg



  35. Vivian formerly NYLuvs Pitts
    August 25, 2009 11:09 pm

    Hey there is such a thing as a “Cloacal Kiss”

    Birds also reproduce with this organ; this is known as a cloacal kiss. Birds that mate using this method touch their cloacae for only a few seconds, sufficient enough time for sperm to be transferred from the male to the female.

    Do they think you should mate with a pigeon???

    This whole thing is gross.



  36. Billllll
    August 25, 2009 11:31 pm

    Now you know as well as I do that that little old lady stole that damn house dress from that Wal Mart! (I’m not judging)



  37. Billllll
    August 25, 2009 11:44 pm

    $569.40? I got at least $570! You ROCK Ginny! And squirrels DO suck dammit!



  38. Linda
    August 26, 2009 12:59 am

    What makes Pittsburgh PITTSBURGH is not just the old lady with her traditional Burgh look. It’s the fact that you don’t have to explain to us why you wanted to hug her. We want to hug her, too.

    My favorite old lady story is set in McKees Rocks. I was heading to a funeral home and my directions had failed me. An old lady in a housedress, white glove, white plastic purse, sensible shoes and white helmet hair gave me perfect directions with no compass points or street names. Just go up the hill, turn at the laundromat, go past this church, it’s just pass that gas station… Very helpful but also somewhat irritated that I didn’t already KNOW where the funeral home was. Then there was the time I wanted to go to a wake in Kittanning but didn’t know in which funeral home my friend’s mom was laid out and there was no notice in the paper. Finally in desperation, I stopped to three old guys sitting on a bench at senior citizen’s apartment house. “Oh, she’ll be at X funeral Home. Her husband was laid out there. That was a while back.” Like a quarter of a century ago.



  39. Kurt
    August 26, 2009 1:48 am

    ‘It is called “Pigeons are rats with wings”’

    So they are, just as deer are rats with antlers. Death to Bambi. Die! Die! Die!



  40. bucdaddy
    August 26, 2009 9:23 am

    Cloacal Kiss would be a good band name.



  41. L-A
    August 26, 2009 10:37 am

    Just a quick FYI – Ginny didn’t coin the nickname “Skippy.” I’m not sure when or how it got started, but my family has been calling him that for years. Now the Skeeve part – that’s all PittGirl. New to your blog, but love it already. Where’s today’s entry? Hurry!



  42. Virginia
    August 26, 2009 10:38 am

    Bucdaddy wins.



  43. Brian
    August 26, 2009 12:19 pm

    Planning to pay for a wedding (which is, basically, extortion by choice) we’ve had no choice but to revert to shopping at Wal-Mart. I hate it there. I can only tolerate it if I’m drunk, which I rarely am when I’m there. But, you know, Giant Eagle is the forced cloacal entry of supermarkets, and paying their ridiculous fees for their goods just isn’t as in the cards now as before. Sad. But whatever. My lady-to-be at least lets this 35-year-old manchild go peruse the toys while she shops for produce, so it all works out.



  44. spoon
    August 26, 2009 2:20 pm

    I’m going to enjoy beating your Sluts this season with my Shrimp Shack Shooters. I’m hiring bucdaddy as my assistant coach.

    hakuna matata bitches!



  45. Joe
    August 27, 2009 12:40 pm

    Still waiting for your take on the Vegas issue surrounding The Duke of Fug and The Earl of Gross.



  46. Pingback: That's Church » Best pigeon-lover comment ever?