Pigeon-lover hate email of the day!

These are gold, I tell you!  GOLD!

you big phony. you outed yourself by PURE accident. Only a coward would choose to attack a flock of defenseless pigeons. By the way did you know pigeons mate for life?  They’re very good parents too. Can you measure up to that? I thought not.

1.  You’re right! I will never forgive myself for falling into the frame of a news camera at the exact second I blurted out “I’m PittGirl!”  And I’ll never forgive myself for accidentally writing a thousand-word post telling the city who I am while accidentally uploading attractive shots of my sisters and my parents. I’m such a clumsy dolt!  Damn you, easy to hit “Publish” button! Damn you!

2.  Would you feel better if I arm the flock of pigeons before I attack them? Tiny little cap guns? Poison tipped arrows? Or are their sharp pointy beaks and smelly, poop-loaded cloacas enough weaponry for you?

3. They mate for life?! Yes, they’re better than me, what with all the whoring around I do.

4.  Yeah?! Can a pigeon employ such effective reverse-psychology on her child that said baby pigeon enthusiastically begs to be allowed to dust the furniture and wash the windows?!

Can it?

I thought not.





42 Comments

  1. Bojack
    August 26, 2009 4:41 pm

    LMAO!!!!!

    You GO girl !!!!



  2. John in the Rocks
    August 26, 2009 4:46 pm

    Do these moe-rons actually read what they write before sending their emails? These idjits are so woefully uninformed and totally clueless it’s frightening. “Defenseless pigeons.” *eye roll*



  3. MM
    August 26, 2009 4:53 pm

    It makes my whole day to read this! You are f’in hilarious!



  4. Sooska
    August 26, 2009 5:03 pm

    Who knew that the pigeons have hired a PR firm-albeit one who employs such witless simps. (is that redundant?)

    Your minions are with you Ginny!



  5. CriticExtraordinaire
    August 26, 2009 5:12 pm

    Well now I know what a cloaca is.

    That’s a relief.



  6. Monty
    August 26, 2009 5:25 pm

    They mate for life? That’s just plain dumb. Why buy the pigeon when you can get the cloaca for free?



  7. Tina Fey
    August 26, 2009 5:56 pm

    Uh, PG, Stacey and I would beg to differ about the whole “attractive shots” thing. Neither of us was too pleased with your photo choice. Of course, it could have more to do with general unphotogenicness (yes, it’s a word because I said so) than it does your photo choice. We actually think you picked bad shots of us on purpose, you devious little pigeon-hater.



  8. bluzdude
    August 26, 2009 6:41 pm

    Ginny: 1
    Pigeon-loving twit: 0

    Commence victory lap.



  9. tehamy
    August 26, 2009 6:48 pm

    Pigeons are good parents? Really? I’m pretty sure I’ve seen some of these good pigeon parents trying to push their kids in front of buses before.



  10. Annette
    August 26, 2009 7:19 pm

    I think it’s nice that you’ve given these poor deluded pigeon-lovers a target for their rage. They so obviously DON’T HAVE A LIFE!



  11. SpudMom
    August 26, 2009 7:27 pm

    I felt the need to google “do pigeons mate for life” if only to find out if this yahoo was telling the truth. I found this:

    “They live in families and mate for life, though if a mate dies they will take on another. ”

    at this website: http://www.newcolonist.com/pigeons.html

    So even if you manage to off good old Daddy Bird, Mommy whore will just go out and find herself another sugar daddy. :P



  12. Summer
    August 26, 2009 7:51 pm

    I am trying to find the logic here.

    They know you dislike pigeons.

    They believe you want to exterminate pigeons.

    They think you’ll change your mind if they tell you what devoted parents pigeons are?

    Do they think that’ll actually work, or are they just actively trying to be pains in the ass? If the second, don’t they realize that, instead of achieving their goal, they are just giving us funny shit to laugh at?



  13. Bobbo
    August 26, 2009 8:16 pm

    Yes! These e-mails are incredible.



  14. facie
    August 26, 2009 8:22 pm

    You get your kids to dust and wash windows?! My six year old has helped me dust no more than two or three times. I consider it a victory when she picks up her toys. You rock.



  15. Still A. Fan
    August 26, 2009 8:36 pm

    How on Earth do they tell their mates? Pigeonomes?



  16. RIZZO
    August 26, 2009 8:56 pm

    What’s an idjit? I raised a pigeon when I was young. I named it Pidge and it would sit on my Dad’s foot whenever he was in his workshop.
    Pidge flew away one day at the end of summer. Pidge returned the following Spring and flew right into the garage and landed on Dad’s foot.
    Dad was overwhelmed. Don’t kick Pidge.



  17. Amber
    August 26, 2009 9:10 pm

    Rizzo, you’re so funny!! I once had a pigeon who dusted my furniture and cleaned my windows. I named it Idjit and it flew on your dad’s foot!



  18. Pensgirl
    August 26, 2009 9:31 pm

    Wait, you’re a phony? I didn’t realize Holden Caulfield was writing to you!!

    How do these people function?



  19. Pa-pop
    August 26, 2009 9:51 pm

    1. I asked a pigeon here in Youngstown if he ever cheated on his mate. He winked, stepped away and bobbed his head. AHA!! J’accuse mon ami à plumes fines!!
    2. I’m haunted now by those words in “Hotel California”: “Warm smell of cloacas, rising up through the air.”
    3. I am loathe to refer to pigeons as rats with wings only because I reserve the term RATBIRD for all things Raven – particularly the species ravenus baltimorus.



  20. Jen
    August 26, 2009 10:19 pm

    Oh the entertainment…



  21. Dianne
    August 26, 2009 10:31 pm

    Priceless! Nuf said….



  22. Merle Jantz
    August 26, 2009 10:53 pm

    One time, at work, looking out on the roof, I saw a sick, dying pigeon get chewed to pieces by a bunch of strong, eat-you pigeons. Okay, they mate for life, VERY admirable and all, but if they sense just a hint of weakness in you, they will pluck your flesh from you while you are still using it.



  23. s
    August 26, 2009 11:03 pm

    this blog was a LOT more interesting when it wasn’t quite so much about you.



  24. aunt penny
    August 27, 2009 1:27 am

    whoa.

    Glenn Frey did pigeons!?!

    Hotel Californicate will never be the same……….

    PS. I’m so glad you weren’t Ken Rice.



  25. Kevin In ABQ
    August 27, 2009 1:35 am

    Ginny,

    Apparently pigeons mate for life due to their inability to talk with each other about public hygiene issues. ‘Cause if I was randomly taking public dumps, my wife would be all over me making a Federal case out of it.

    Glad to have you back.



  26. HistorTweet
    August 27, 2009 7:09 am

    The rate of divorce among pigeons has paralleled and, in some years, exceeded that of humans since 2001.

    Also, teen pregnancies among pigeons is epidemic.

    You can Wikipedia it.



  27. Bill From Hanover
    August 27, 2009 7:50 am

    These people need to get a life, seriously, get a life and worry about other things other than freakin pigeons …. Gheez !

    Worry about if your going to wake up in the morning, worry about helping people less fortunate than you, maybe throw a few bucks to the local homeless shelter, you know ….

    Pigeons, come on …. They say and idle mind is a devils workshop …. Hmmmm, so true ….

    Save the freakin Flying Rats of the World !



  28. colleen
    August 27, 2009 8:47 am

    LMAO oh, how i’ve missed you………



  29. Mara
    August 27, 2009 9:05 am

    I like pigeons. I really do. But I don’t hate you for hating pigeons. Hating you for hating pigeons is just a propogation of more hate.

    I’ll make you a deal. You continue to hate pigeons. All I ask is that you please don’t maim one in front of me or I will cry. Is that a fair deal?



  30. Jamie in da 'burgh
    August 27, 2009 9:27 am

    (say this really loud)Seriously? Seriously. no really, seriously? That deserves an ummmmm…WHAT? So “said child” really dusts and even does windows? Can you type up a little document stating HOW you did this? Great stuff Ginny!



  31. spoon
    August 27, 2009 9:27 am

    holy shit, so Octomom is really a Pigeon!

    freakin california and their scientifically altered humans who can sprout wings and crap on everyone in america.

    my advice, invest in umbrellas



  32. Mary
    August 27, 2009 11:30 am

    Loons mate for life also. Let’s not get all dramatic about it.

    Growing up on a farm, my dad would just fire his gun in the air next to the barn. It would scare the shit out of all the pigeons and they’d fly over to the neighbor’s barn for awhile.

    So, maybe a little gunfire in Market Square will send our pigeons off to Cleveland or something.



  33. chrys
    August 27, 2009 11:31 am

    It is amazing just how “stoopid” some people are. LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pigeons are gross!! That being said, some people need to get a sense of humor. Hey, Santa Claus will be coming in about 4 months.. maybe all of the uptight pigeon loving morons could ask him for one!

    ~peace~



  34. Steve in Denver
    August 27, 2009 12:32 pm



  35. Old Cynic
    August 27, 2009 12:59 pm

    Hey – If pigeons are so great with this “mate for life” crap, hows come we never see baby pigeons? I submit that they send the eggs off to day care, and hire nannies to tend them when they’re home. When they’re finally big enough to shit on everybody they’re set loose in market square. Kind of like quite a few other species that habituate the burg’s inner neighborhoods.



  36. Jamie in da 'burgh
    August 27, 2009 1:21 pm

    http://leasticoulddo.com/comic/20080616 here is a fun Pigeon comic y’all…



  37. Vivian formerly NYLuvsPitts
    August 27, 2009 4:17 pm

    You need a hate mail tag



  38. Brad
    August 27, 2009 4:56 pm

    Hillarious. Thanks for a good laugh. I stumbled upon your blog last week and have become hooked! Thanks for being so real!



  39. JR
    August 28, 2009 11:47 am

    You and your fans are cruel and disgusting



  40. Bojack
    August 28, 2009 1:01 pm

    Yeah JR, mean people suck!!!

    …now, where is that baby pigeon I tied up with it’s feet against the hot-plate???



  41. Kelly in Cali
    August 28, 2009 6:32 pm

    This just in: Pigeon hating has now been classified as a gateway crime.

    We must passionately and purposefully ponder proper penance for this pigeon prejudice you promote.



  42. Rosie Blankenship
    September 1, 2009 10:23 am

    Damn you, easy to hit “Publish” button! Damn you!

    You poke fun, but you know it is true. How easy is it to just slip, fall on my keyboard, then the whole world knows my true, uncensored feelings?