Facebook repost.

Some of you have asked me my view on the whole Ben Roethlisberger is a Dirty Reno Himbo fiasco (Isn’t that what the media is calling it, officially?) and I realized that outside of the 1,000 of you I am facebook friends with, lots of people haven’t read what I initially wrote about Ben Roethlisberger being a Dirty Reno Himbo ™.  Here is what I said, and keep in mind that in light of recent news, I’m inclined to believe that Benny didn’t assualt the woman, but merely had consensual dirty bow-chicka-bow with her.  In other words, he’s no rapist, just a Dirty Reno Himbo.

As I wrote:

Dear Your Highness Duke of Fug, Earl of Gross, and Shagger of Wenches:
Benny. Benny, Benny, Benny.

Benny!

It’s not enough that James Harrison beat his babymama or that Najeh Davenport went and pooped in a closet.

It’s not enough that Santonio choked his babymama, smoked weed while driving, had a twitter account allegedly called @Pussy_Monstah, or flashed his GIANT FRESHLY SHOWERED PENIS for all the world to see.

It’s not enough that Jeff Skippy Skeeve Reed is a whore. A proud whore who will beat the ever-loving shit out of any paper towel dispenser that dares cross his whore path.

You had to go and add one more flag pin on the great big map of Steelers Public Transgressions. This one in Reno.

You know, Benny, for as long as you’ve been in Pittsburgh, I’ve had issues with you. Whether it was your stupid “injury” to the Thumb Which We Don’t Speak Of, your fugness, your grossness, your playing, or anything else about your non-helmet-wearing-crotch-rocket-riding ass. And since you’ve been in Pittsburgh, you have been vehemently protected and defended by your Fug Bunnies (tm PittCheMBA).

Your Fug Bunnies.

Those insane women who take to your blog to write things like, “Benny, we met once that one time and you looked at me and I love you and I have just now carved your name on my breasts and I’m bleeding and OMG call 911! Or don’t. BECAUSE I WILL DIE FOR YOU!”

Those very same women who lit the match that sparked the flame that lit the room that revealed the light bulb that was the bright idea to start calling you The Duke of Fug and The Earl of Gross.

Those very same women who, once, so angry at me for daring to speak badly of you, called me “an barf ugly woman.”

Those very same women who believe that you really do “play for Jesus”, who refused to believe the stories of you partying in Vegas while watching lesbians make out in your private VIP suite, who, no matter what evidence I gave them to the contrary, insisted that you are pure, Godly and perfect and spend all of your time being celibate, chaste, and in prayer while buying K-9 dogs with all of your money.

You’ve successfully wrapped up a very faulted human package in a very Troysus-like wrapping paper. But I have peeked behind the paper and it’s very very meh in there.

Being rich and famous, you should know that in order to keep this Good Ohio Boy facade intact, you should at all costs, avoid The Crazy. Eschew The Crazy. Don’t touch The Crazy with a ten-foot pole or your penis.

You should not invite The Crazy to your room for sex.

The Crazy will bite you in the ass, carve your name on her breasts, and then bleed the hell all over you while dialing her lawyer’s number and vomiting repeatedly while sobbing about how much she loves your stupid, gross, fug, himbo, lesbian-loving, Vegas-partying self.

Now, all of this is assuming you didn’t sexually assault The Crazy. If you did assault The Crazy, you deserve to have Jeff Reed give you the Sheetz Paper Towel Dispenser Treatment and it should be focused heavily on your donkey omelet region, you stupid gift-wrapped bitch.

PittGirl





29 Comments

  1. chrys
    August 27, 2009 1:50 pm

    PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!



  2. gunnlino
    August 27, 2009 1:52 pm

    Way to go Pittgirl !



  3. bucdaddy
    August 27, 2009 2:04 pm

    partying in Vegas while watching lesbians make out in your private VIP suite

    Um … how, uh, much does that go for these days anyway? Ballpark figure (see what I did there?).



  4. buckeyemom
    August 27, 2009 2:19 pm

    I have been waiting for this post since you came back and it was sooo worth it. I remember thinking after I heard about Benny’s Reno incident-I wish PittGirl was still writing because I would love to read what she had to say about this!! Great Post!!



  5. Pa-pop
    August 27, 2009 2:36 pm

    That is quite the list of awe-inspiring Stiller transgressions recounted at the top of your post. Nevertheless, I remain comfortable knowing the team that stokes my football passion is not, say, Cincinnati where they save money on media guide production by merely using police department mug shots.



  6. Terry Broadshaw
    August 27, 2009 3:28 pm

    whatever happened to the simple days, like back in the 70’s and 80’s when the players just wanted to do as much cocaine as they could get their hands on and shoot as many different types of steroids into their backsides as possible…maybe get a small role in a B movie and score with the cheerleaders, perhaps land a promo TV spot for a used car dealership…those were the days



  7. Vivian formerly NYLuvsPitts
    August 27, 2009 4:16 pm

    Luv it.



  8. Old Cynic
    August 27, 2009 4:58 pm

    The whole entertainment industry is Fukkked up ! Sports, singers of songs, actors, politicians and their entire entourage just think very differently. Why they’re looked up to is way beyond this poor working class slob.



  9. H
    August 27, 2009 5:06 pm

    Sorry, but not your best work.



  10. unsatisfied
    August 27, 2009 5:52 pm

    I’m not sure which is more saucy — big ben using his little ben to get into trouble….

    …..OR…..

    rick pitino’s “I did the waitress in the restaurant after hours, paid for her abortion, er, health insurance and in NO way did I rape her and by the way, I’m married with a bunch of kids” saga.

    tough call….



  11. Former Pitt Res
    August 27, 2009 6:37 pm

    This was just plain stupid!



  12. spoon
    August 27, 2009 8:14 pm

    Unsatisfied, I think we all know where he goes for ummm “personal massages”

    http://www.wpxi.com/news/20586488/detail.html



  13. Summer
    August 27, 2009 8:44 pm

    As soon as I heard that Ben was getting his ass sued, I thought, “Man, I wonder what PittGirl would have to say about this.”

    V. pleased to know what Ginny has to say about it.

    It’s good advice, though. Men who are famous and wealthy should choose their sexual partners a little more carefully, because, unfortunately, there are some crazy-ass bitches out there who are desparate to become a babymomma and ride the gravy train or, failing that, sue your ass and smear your (already tarnished) reputation in the hopes that you’ll give her some cash to make her go away.

    I’m not particularly a Ben fan, but if all he did was be dumb enough not to call her the next day, he’s getting screwed six ways to Sunday.



  14. CriticExtraordinaire
    August 27, 2009 8:53 pm

    Now now now. Was it really necessary to bring Najeh “The Dump Truck” Davenport into this story?



  15. KKinLA
    August 27, 2009 9:31 pm

    Amen.

    First, what’s the Najeh Davenport story? Where can I find the deets – although, not sure I want to!?!

    From the minute this story broke, I echoed your thoughts – when will these stupid professional athletes learn to NOT SCREW CRAZY WOMEN!?!

    I always thought that you were a little hard on Ben, but I’m slowly coming around…this whole incident just might make him earn his Duke and Earl titles…disappointing, to say the least.



  16. Hutch Jr.
    August 27, 2009 10:11 pm

    I thought it was just me



  17. Steelman
    August 27, 2009 10:20 pm

    Silly me. I thought Ben was a devout Christian because he would point his finger to the sky after completing a touchdown pass as to say, “Thank you, Lord!”

    Nobody is perfect and Christians do screw up sometimes but I don’t like the hypocrisy of feigning righteousness in front of millions of fans and then acting like a heathen in his public life. Anyone can pretend to be a Christian but it takes self-discipline and self-control to live like one.

    I believe Coach Tomlin is a devout Christian and I hope he has a one-on-one session with Ben and “strongly encourages” him to keep his zipper shut.

    Surely Ben knows all about STD’s.



  18. bucdaddy
    August 28, 2009 12:15 am

    Steelers’ Top Douchebag?



  19. Bill From Hanover
    August 28, 2009 7:33 am

    Our Old Boy Najeh did take a dump and healthy one in an opponents locker room closet !

    The Benster ….. I wonder if he was pretending he was behind his center Hartwig when he was in that hotel room with that Horse Toothed Shanahan wanna be ?

    Just a thought …. Hopefully Ben is being straight forward with his side story, after all he did bring us 2 Championships !



  20. rickh
    August 28, 2009 9:36 am

    While in college, Najeh made a doody in an ex-girlfriends laundry basket.



  21. H
    August 28, 2009 10:33 am

    @ Steelman – Ben points to the sky after TDs to acknowledge his mother who died when he was young.



  22. Steelman
    August 28, 2009 10:44 am

    To H

    Thanks for the clarification. It then begs the question, if he believes his mother sees his gestures to the sky, does he not think she might observe his “sexscapades” in Vegas? Hmmm



  23. evilmonkey
    August 28, 2009 12:40 pm

    Squeeee! Pooped in a closet!



  24. unsatisfied
    August 28, 2009 3:40 pm

    @ spoon — no shit! (appropriate with the “dump truck” comments on here.) the future mrs. and I go by that massage parlor all the time and wonder what goes on in there. not enough to ever go in there, but…..

    btw, did I just see the terms “deets” above? “deets”?!??



  25. Toadsly Loathsome
    August 28, 2009 9:08 pm

    God help us…it’s football season in Pittsburgh!



  26. PittCheMBA
    August 28, 2009 11:51 pm

    Thanks for using Fug Bunnies and referencing my blog.



  27. Bunninator
    September 10, 2009 7:46 pm

    I think I love you for this.



  28. Pol74
    October 22, 2009 6:42 am

    I am grateful for your music. ,



  29. John80
    October 23, 2009 8:01 am

    It is a complex issue and race belongs in the dialogue, but we need to understand that race is not the problem. ,