Dear fatso, stay home.

The County and the City were sitting in a tree K-I-S-S —

Uh, no.

The County and the City released a joint press release yesterday seeking 1,400 volunteers to “help with a series of clean up and beautification projects” on September 12 in preparation for the G-20 summit.

Danny O said:

“The Pittsburgh Summit is an opportunity for us to make a stunning first and lasting impression on visitors from around the world,” said Onorato. “We’ve identified key transportation corridors and other locations for cleanup and beautification. Now, we’re calling on at least 1,400 volunteers to help us with the G-20 Cleanup on Saturday, September 12. There are projects throughout the county, and I encourage residents to come out and pitch in.”

Standard Politico-Bot 2000 speak.  Moving on.

Lukey said:

“Let’s show the world that a clean City with engaged and healthy residents is what makes Pittsburgh ‘America’s most livable city.’”

I can’t be 100% sure, but I think Lukey is asking the obese and sickly-looking people to stay the hell home during the G-20.

Show the world our healthy residents?!

If I’m writing his statement for this particular press release, it says:

“I understand you pay taxes so that we can hire people to do these things, but the fact remains that we are in so far over our heads with this G-20 thing that from down here I’ll get the bends before I reach the surface alive, so please come out and pitch in to make your city shine.  Beer and cupcakes will be served.”


  1. bucdaddy
    September 1, 2009 9:48 am

    Beer AND cupcakes? What day is 9/12?

  2. curtO.
    September 1, 2009 9:50 am

    My buddy has his bachelor party that day. I wonder if he would want to forget about the alcohol, chicks, and hangover tradition and pitch in to beautify Pittsburgh. WTF am I saying? If I suggest that, I’d get an unvite.

  3. Ex-Pat Pittsburgh Girl
    September 1, 2009 9:53 am

    Much better release, Ginny. Offer beer and pizza and you are sure to get pretty much every broke college kid to help. I’m wondering if Lukey will be instituting a maximum BMI in order to be in public downtown during the Summit. Where’s that Skrinjar guy when you need him?

  4. PghGirlInPhilly
    September 1, 2009 9:57 am

    I’m just as appauled about this whole fiasco as the next guy, but I think you’re stretching it a little with your interpretation of Lukey’s statement. I understand you’re here to entertain, but I think you can do better.

  5. Magnus Patris
    September 1, 2009 10:10 am

    And now we know why PghGirlInPhilly should saty in Phily.

  6. Virginia
    September 1, 2009 10:14 am

    Yes, PghGirlinPhilly, you’re right. For all the money you’re paying to read me, I do owe you a better product. Let me get right on that.

  7. Magnus Patris
    September 1, 2009 10:15 am

    Supposed to say “stay” in Philly. Also, as a fat guy, I have ine thing to say to Hizzhonor; GET IN MY BELLY! Seriously, how about if Burghers stop spitting on the street leading up to G20? Watching people hock up a juicy loogie at the Wood Street T Station is way more disturbing than my gut.

  8. Andee
    September 1, 2009 10:16 am

    I think Luke and Googly Eyes Onorato should do their own cleanup. They made this mess. They better be responsible for any and all (bad) things that will happen.

    Hosting a Superbowl is one thing, but hosting a conference with world leaders, protestors (why the heck did you even give them any kind of licenses?? Free speech my ass. These protestors are just harmful people. Why invite them at all?)

    Lukey and Onorato better be there every day of each day this Fiasco Mess is happening. No going home for them. Screw it. They’re making Pittsburghers have to deal with wage losses and all other sorts of inconveniences, then they need to do the same.

    Btw…the city if in over it’s head moneywise. The people who will be paying for it are the taxpayers. That’s what blows the most. They’ve taken this city and drove us further in debt.

  9. Meck
    September 1, 2009 10:24 am

    Mmm beer and cupcakes.

    This seems to be the norm for events like this. I was studying abroad in St. Petersbugh in 06 during the G8 and residents were fined if the hung clothes out to dry during the summit. I saw lots of people picking trash off of Nevsky Prospekt. My guess is they weren’t getting paid either.

  10. rickh
    September 1, 2009 10:29 am

    I can already picture Hizzhonor wearing a fluorescent vest over his standard shirt/tight tie combo, never been used work gloves, and shiny dress shoes. If he’s lucky maybe he’ll pick up some soiled diapers and used feminine hygiene products, as I did while picking up trash last week.

    If only more ladies would use the bio-degradable sort before chucking them out of the window of a moving car, we’d have a cleaner city. This is my dream.

  11. Monty
    September 1, 2009 10:40 am

    Comment #4 rules. Now entertain me, you dancing monkey.

  12. Virginia
    September 1, 2009 10:43 am



    I can stop any time you like.

  13. Dan (Not Onarato)
    September 1, 2009 10:46 am

    Ahhh Ive been waiting for a posting on this upcoming fiasco

    Wait…beer and cupcakes? I cant wait for the first fatty in the middle of picking up a urine-filled beer bottle on the South Side to say “Wait…I was told there was going to be beer and cupcakes Screw this!”

  14. CityMama
    September 1, 2009 11:08 am

    OMG – my employer asks me at least once a week why I WANT to come to the office downtown during the G-20, instead of working from home. It never dawned on me that I am too FAT to be here! Thanks for clearing that up Lukey!

  15. John in the Rocks
    September 1, 2009 11:11 am

    Rickh – who are you kidding? Lukey wears shiny dress *tennis* shoes to work. Get it right, man! :)

  16. Magnus Patris
    September 1, 2009 11:20 am

    Ginny, I always thought of you as more of an “I’m A Little Teapot” kind of girl.

  17. spoon
    September 1, 2009 11:33 am

    beer? there’s gonna be beer! Well that would change everything but knowing this city it’ll be some macro swill that the rats under Pittsburgh Brewing wouldn’t even touch.

    What I want to know is why on earth Market Square had to get ripped up now? I was down there yesterday and couldn’t believe the disaster area. Oh wait, are we just gonna throw a tarp over it and bring in fake trees, hobos and fountains? maybe we can spray paint the dirt a shade of greeen.

  18. Magnus Patris
    September 1, 2009 11:38 am

    Also, where can I buy a “Luke Ravenstahl Can Kiss My Big Fat Ass” T-shirt? Size XXXL, of course.

  19. Greg Knight
    September 1, 2009 11:40 am

    Beer and cupcakes?

    Only one way to mobilize the masses….

    Steelers Parade!!!!!

  20. Brand New
    September 1, 2009 11:43 am

    Maybe the fats should be out walking around picking up the city. A little exercise might do them some good.

  21. justagirl
    September 1, 2009 11:46 am

    Can you be just as appalled about this from Philly? It’s hard to really get the full picture without experiencing the preparations, I think.

    Anyways, when it was announced that the G20 was coming to Pittsburgh, my first thought was, “Fantastic. Because we really need a primer from some of the protesters on how to get a good riot going with max property damage for the next time the Steelers win it all.” My next thought was, “Olympic cities never actually make back the money they spend on the Olympics anymore, do they?”

    My “reveal silver lining” button seems to have broken recently.

  22. Tinare
    September 1, 2009 11:48 am


    Are you taking requests? Can you do that one about the old lady who swallowed the fly? That always makes my niece laugh.

  23. Martin Silenus
    September 1, 2009 11:52 am

    This whole G-20 “Look how well Pittsburgh has bounced back from the loss of the steel industry” is such a crock of crap. Let them hold the frakking G-20 summit in Braddock and have John Fetterman explain what the job situation in like.

  24. w0x0f
    September 1, 2009 11:53 am

    Perhaps local art students should volunteer to paint store fronts on the plywood which is selling like Katrina did a U-turn back at the ‘burgh.

  25. Magnus Patris
    September 1, 2009 11:54 am

    #20 Brand New – You can keep referring to people like me as “the fats” and I’ll keep using the name I do for people like you, “the assholes”. Deal?

  26. Nick
    September 1, 2009 11:58 am

    I thought Pittsburghers are supposed to go away and act like they don’t live and work in the city during the G-20. I’m confused.

  27. Dan (Not Onarato)
    September 1, 2009 12:07 pm

    @ #16 Magnus…agree I thought you might be a “Im a little teapot” WITH the do-me boots!

  28. richardsimmons
    September 1, 2009 12:10 pm

    #8 Squeee! Googly eyes Onorato – He looks like Animal from the Muppets!

  29. Pa-pop
    September 1, 2009 12:18 pm

    As one who frequently participates in clean-ups of my own town – that would be Youngstown where every project begins with the prayer “Dear God, where do we begin” – I think the joint City/County call for a little redding up in advance of the G-20 summit is, as Martha Stewart would say, a good thing. That said, however, I reviewed the press release and discovered there were some other rib-ticklers you may have overlooked.

    For instance, the lengthy schedule of places and times reminds me too much of my wife’s “honey do” lists. The effort may be more effective if there’s a reward of unbridled animalistic dirty bow-chicka-bow upon completion.

    Somewhat along that note, I imagine do-me boots are included under “sturdy closed toe shoes.” We’ll be lookin’ for ya.

    “Spot” cleaning is what I did in my bachelor pad days when the misguided notion that a well-made bed might make her ignore the pizza boxes under the coffee table. There will be no sweeping dirt under the manhole covers!

    And why are hats required? Are they afraid someone’s hair will fall onto otherwise pristine streets?

    Just offering some insights on a rather target-rich news release.

  30. Julie
    September 1, 2009 12:57 pm

    Beer and cupcakes? I’m there.

    Did you also read that the city/county is now looking for volunteers to clean up the city after the G20 as well? There wasn’t a mention of needing healthy or engaged residents, though.

  31. Dan (Not Onarato)
    September 1, 2009 1:58 pm

    @ #30 – Hizzonner and Danny-boy can do it themselves. They brounght this mess into the City…they can take out the trash afterwards. Did anyone else hear that NYC, Philly and LA all turned it down? Sure Philly wouldnt want it, Fast Eddie would rather the idiots trash Pittsburgh instead of his hometown

  32. BLN
    September 1, 2009 2:00 pm

    I agree with Philly girl. Your interpretation is beyond a stretch. I guess I get the humor but now all the commenters are jumping on this like he actually meant that. C’mon guys, geez.

  33. Uncle Crappy
    September 1, 2009 2:30 pm

    Healthy people? Whew. I’m off the hook.

  34. Scottie
    September 1, 2009 2:34 pm

    Cupcakes? From Dozen??? Sign me up!

  35. Scottie
    September 1, 2009 2:38 pm

    P.S. You notice how much of a response your press release solicited? Lukey needs to hire you, STAT! If nothing else, so that you can sit in meetings between Luke and Zober and make snarky comments….

    Dread Lord: “We must be sure not to destroy…”
    VM: :darth vadar noises:
    Lukey: “Ok Ginny, let’s move forward….”
    VM: “DRINK!”

    Oh, this city would be a marvelous place…

  36. Zach
    September 1, 2009 2:42 pm


    If he just dropped and the bull and advertised it with the beer and cupcakes line as you suggest, i would actually find it hard not to feel a twinge of respect. Too bad it’s lukey.

  37. toni
    September 1, 2009 4:02 pm

    I have no intention of helping Lukey beautify Pittsburgh for free ( not counting my tax paying contribution of course). This is the twit who wanted the rusting skeletal remains hanging off the side of the Hilton covered with a banner ( rightly so) while he puts up tacky fencing around ripped up Market Square.

    Let’s see I have 2 days of enforced vacation ( deducted from my slim days off pool) because we have shut down transit for would be terrorist purposes. This is the administration who has knocked the local businessman out of the loop for making a dime for G-20. Yeah, right, I’ll donate my time on top of all of this just for you, Lukey.

  38. Slick
    September 1, 2009 9:21 pm

    #19 Greg Knight was on the right track… but we only need 1,400, so just promise them beer and cupcakes at a Tailgate before the next Stillers game– oh, wait, I’m sorry, yinzers are better at trashing the place instead of “redding up”. It’s kinda nice that we are putting “plastic on the living room furniture” by covering the rusting steel skeleton at the Hilton… Now that says PITTSBURGH!

  39. Bojack
    September 1, 2009 9:26 pm

    G20 & PIGEON BOGO!!!!!

    Growing up in da burgh I’m pretty numb to City/County idiocy, I pretty much expect them to always fuck up a 2-car funeral but this G20 nightmare is the prize winner of all time!!

    I think Pittsburgh city residents should be the first in line for the protest permits!! Not to protest the G20 but the starstruck morons (who are now at odds over money of course) the butt brothers Lukie and Dan-O!!!

    Red-up????? Red-up my sphincter Dan-O!!!!!

  40. Bojack
    September 1, 2009 9:29 pm

    PS- oh yeah, almost forgot the BOGO-> allow all the hungry protesters unlimited squab!!!!!

  41. Virginia Hendricks
    September 1, 2009 10:36 pm

    OMG! You just made me LOL! Thanks so much! :)

    beer and cupcakes will be served! LOL!

  42. Bram R
    September 2, 2009 12:18 am

    @Ex-Pat Pgh Girl: “Where’s that Skrinjar guy when you need him?” Ha, you said it!

    I feel like I’m watching a Marx Brothers sketch, and this is all buildup. Pretty soon there’s going to be pie and seltzer everywhere.

  43. Dan (Not Onarato)
    September 2, 2009 9:48 am

    @ #39 Bojack…I hope you were speaking of Danny-O and not me…I dont swing that way… wait …for beer and cupcakes? Throw in some Swiss Cake Rolls and I MIGHT think about it

  44. Emilie
    September 2, 2009 11:47 am

    I like beer and I like cupcakes….but not together….maybe Zima and Cupcakes…then we can talk.

  45. unsatisfied
    September 2, 2009 12:21 pm

    you know the good thing that I love about all of this G20 business? it’s the fact that my fiancee’s employer decided to shut down during both days of the summit.

    the bad thing?

    they are making her and her co-workers use 2 of their vacation days.

    thanks, lukey and danny o!

  46. Norf Side Betty
    September 12, 2009 11:58 am

    Just HAD to report back:
    Ihad occasion to be on banksville this AM and saw the volunteers working. No beer, nary a cupcake to be seen!!