1. Yesterday, I caught ten minutes of a show on TLC called “Toddlers and Tiaras,” which just the title makes me feel retchy. Not a word. Still using it.
First thing that made me want to find these little girls and sit down with them and teach them the joy of mud pies was when one of the mother’s claimed on camera she never forces her daughter (who looked to be like 3 1/2 or 4) to do anything. Cut to the mother forcing the girl to work on her “beauty walk” only to have the girl literally ROLL HERSELF UP IN A RUG and shout “I HATE PAGEANTS!”
Second thing? The SWIMSUIT. PORTION OF THE PAGEANTS! Yes, 3-year-olds prancing around for judges in swimwear and then getting scored on it by adults, including MALE adults.
That screencap is taken from a pageant held right here in Pittsburgh. You can watch the whole episode, but I don’t know why you’d want to.
2. Speaking of little kids, Burghers, sit up and pay attention to me because I’m about to ask you to do something. I am a woman on a mission and nothing is going to stand in my way of getting what I want.
The Children’s Miracle Network is joining up with Microsoft to award three network hospitals with a $10,000 game room upgrade that includes flat screen LCD tvs, X-Box systems, gaming computers, THE WORKS! Squee!
All you have to do to help Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh win this prize is to vote. You can vote up to ten times per day for the next three weeks, so this is an endurance race, not a sprint.
Because I have made up my mind that our sick kids are getting this prize one way or another, you now have two options:
Option #1: Go register (gasp! Register?! Yes, register! It takes a minute.) and vote every day as soon as you get to work. This option doesn’t cost you anything and you have the chance to win your own X-Box. Again, squee!
Option #2: If I fail in my efforts on behalf of Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh to win this prize, guess what? You’re not off the hook because then I’m going to hold a fundraiser to raise the $10,000 and guess who I’m coming to begging for three dollars? That’s right, YOU. And now that I’m not anonymous I can actually show up at your door with my hand out, my eyes in their best sad-puppy look, and I will weep and beg and gnash my teeth until you fork over your three hard-earned bucks.
I suggest you just go with option #1 and go vote.
If you need any motivation, would you do yourself a favor and hang out in the waiting area of Children’s for just like ten minutes? Then you’ll know.
3. LenDale White, who stomped all over the Terrible Towel last year only to have his whole team smacked in the ass by karma boomerang after karma boomerang, said:
“If it happens to be there, I’m gonna stomp all over that. If there is a towel in the stands, I will stomp on it. I don’t care who gets mad. . . . If they throw a towel at me, I’m going to kick it and stomp on it. If you don’t want your towels [stomped], keep them out of my face. They talk about me every day on Twitter. They hate me. They hate me, I can’t use ‘He Hate Me,’ they hate me, the whole world, no matter what I do. But they do love me. They hate me because they love me. That’s what it is.”
Such eloquence. Such passion. Such desire to feel the karma boomerang up his ass once again.
Somewhere, the ghost of Myron Cope just breathed, “Wish granted.”
4. Here’s a What the Effie, not because he just detailed how he likes to kayak because he finds lots of fishing lures, but because, well, handcuffs? Yeah, that picture is sure to send many a lady swooning with desire.
And a final one: [HeADd3Sk hEaDDesK FAc3PAlM]
5. Tomorrow, I’m kicking off a give-away contest that is going to put two tickets to the Steelers/Chargers game in the hands of one of my readers. YAY! And big thanks to www.ineedtwo.com for the tickets.