I can’t think of a title because I’m laughing too hard.

It has been I guess three years now that I have taken part in the pain, the suffering, the joy, but mostly the pain of fantasy football.  I want to win. I play to win. I’m thinking of benching Kurt Warner except I don’t have another quarterback that’s not named Matt Stafford.

But there is a special kind of fantasy football team manager that not only plays to win, but takes the whole thing a bit too seriously. And by “a bit” I mean “a bit to the power of eleventy thousand majillion.”

Last week the P-G (pronounced eee-pay eee-jay in Pig Latin) covered a story of a group of ten men from Tennessee who have a seven-year-old fantasy football league that they take so seriously that after I read the article I had to put down my newspaper, rub the sleep out of my eyes, look at the header and make 100% certain that I didn’t get a print copy of The Onion delivered to my house by mistake.

Every year these men spend thousands of dollars each in airfare, hotel accommodations, food, etc. to travel to the city that currently holds the Lombardi Trophy and it is there in that city that they will gather together to hold their live league draft.

There’s a little snazzy video on the site that you must check out.  Especially to note:

The room:

draft1

They rent the board room in the hotel. That’s not ridiculous at all.

The name tags:

draft2

Look at that!  They have their very own team logos!  I’ve decided Skippy’s Sluts (my fantasy team) needs a logo.  I’m thinking it should involve cleavage.

The men:

draft3

I’m sorry.  Give me a moment.

I particularly like this picture:

20090906smdraft01_500

They’re video recording the draft! Is this so in like ten years they can sit down with their young sons in front of the TV all, ‘Now watch here, son.  Clearly, they think I’m going to choose another running back, but, wait for it …. wait for it …. wait for it …. and wait for it … BAM! A wide receiver.  Look how stunned they are.  Hey, where are you going?!  I haven’t even taken a defense yet!  I cry at one point, you hear me?! I. CRY!”

I also highly suggest you check out the rock-concert-devil-horns thrusting, circle-jumping league manager featured at 1:55 into the video.

draft4

I’m sitting here trying to think of something comparable that men think women take WAY too seriously, spend WAY too much money on, ridiculously jump up and down in joy over, forcing the men to roll their eyes and question the sanity of the opposite sex, and the only thing I can think of that might possibly qualify is shoes.

But shoes are like really important and stuff.





45 Comments

  1. Russell Lucas
    September 15, 2009 1:21 pm

    Now thats a good time.
    What economic crisis?



  2. Russell Lucas
    September 15, 2009 1:25 pm

    I’ve got to be honest… I hoped to have something better to say with my previous comment… But really I just wanted to be the first commenter.
    I’m so proud. I might have to make a t-shirt.
    My first time being a first commenter! It’s everything I imagined it could be.
    I’ve got to go call my Mom and tell her.
    “Mom? Guess what your oldest son did..”



  3. Capt. Dummy
    September 15, 2009 1:35 pm

    f.y.i., those tools are using the old NFL logo! way to stay on top of your game boys!



  4. Ant_041
    September 15, 2009 1:44 pm

    Looks like the draft will never be in there own city. LOL :P



  5. MN
    September 15, 2009 1:51 pm

    You can tell things are getting “serious” when the jackets come off, the sleeves get rolled up, the ties are loosened…BIG doings happening here!



  6. Joe
    September 15, 2009 1:59 pm

    Remember that kid in grade school that used to get picked on because he never took a shower and wore the same clothes twice a week. I think this is what they grow up to be.



  7. bucdaddy
    September 15, 2009 2:00 pm

    Can football season be over now? Please?



  8. Amanda
    September 15, 2009 2:00 pm

    cool- going to the Lombardi trophy holding city with your friends for a vacation
    lame- to draft your fantasy team in an overly serious manor which includes but is not limited to renting a board room and wearing suits.



  9. Joyce
    September 15, 2009 2:01 pm

    Proof that most men are just overgrown toddlers.



  10. Capt. Dummy
    September 15, 2009 2:04 pm

    do they fly their moms to the host city with them to pick them up after the draft???



  11. Pa-pop
    September 15, 2009 2:05 pm

    We owe the alleged men in that conference room a debt of gratitude. I’m sure their event helped Pittsburgh learn more on how to prepare for a similarly important meeting like the G-20 Summit.



  12. Still A. Fan
    September 15, 2009 2:12 pm

    i think they draft in an hour and then order up some fine local escorts……



  13. Novos51
    September 15, 2009 2:13 pm

    Is anyone not surprised, I mean come on. If I had the time and financial means to do this I absolutely would do this. Because we are men. We don’t make sense, we don’t cuddle, we don’t cry, we smell at times, and deep down inside we are the most competitive things you have ever seen. This is really about the ability to tell the other 9 people in the room how much you rule and they suck, and it hits harder because of all the money that was spent.

    At the end of the day a good hearty “suck it” is really what makes the world go round.



  14. Still A. Fan
    September 15, 2009 2:21 pm

    the one idiot is on linkedin. he works for PriceWaterHouse Cooper. The tool is probably helping the downfall of our economy while he’s too worried about his draft. Also, real men play in 12 team leagues. Suck it, 10 team leagues!



  15. LisaC
    September 15, 2009 2:22 pm

    And they wear SUITS for this??!



  16. Old Cynic
    September 15, 2009 2:23 pm

    And then, we wonder why the white males in the world are rapidly becoming endangered. All one can say is WTF!



  17. cathy
    September 15, 2009 2:25 pm

    Don’t these guys have anything better to do with their time and money??



  18. spoon
    September 15, 2009 2:45 pm

    your Sluts play my Shrimp Shack Shooters in week 6.

    get ready gin-nay! wooooooooooooooooooooooo!



  19. amy2boys
    September 15, 2009 3:19 pm

    This is HILARIOUS. And sad. Pathetic almost. At least shoes have A PURPOSE in REAL LIFE.

    Are these guys married? Cause the only benefit I can see being married to this hot mess is that I could justify damn near anything I wanted to do or buy.



  20. e$
    September 15, 2009 3:21 pm

    Ha! I have founded a new name for my league team this year in honor of the ‘fug’ and his antics…my team is “Ben’s Boob Tube” and cleavage is well represented in my logo…



  21. Bram R
    September 15, 2009 3:29 pm

    One year, we all met at a Hilton Hotel in NY and used their conference room for our Rotisserie Baseball draft. Of course one of us was the Hospitality Director or something of that particular Hilton so the whole thing barely cost us a dollar. That, and we absolutely positively did not “suit up” for the draft.



  22. Jerry
    September 15, 2009 3:35 pm

    Not only are they in suits in a board room, where the F is the beer…how the hell can they have a draft with out beer?? Why even bother



  23. Karen
    September 15, 2009 3:47 pm

    I read this when it was published… and also laughed my head off. And then… I thought to myself, “Huh… that’s kinda cute!” The fact that they met in Pittsburgh this year because we’re awesome (and the fact that I’m not married to any of them)may play a role in the cuteness factor.



  24. Steelerslover
    September 15, 2009 3:56 pm

    Its a shame Danny is pretty hot…until you hear what his hobbies are.



  25. Pensgirl
    September 15, 2009 3:56 pm

    1. Whereas you searched to make sure you weren’t reading The Onion, I stopped and listend for the “Real Men of Genius” narrator.

    2. I have never flown anywhere to actually for real buy shoes, let alone to pretend to buy the companies that make shoes (“Minolo Blahnik, Biatch!” “Woo-hoo Jimmy Choo!”) and compete against my friends in some sort of shoe-company-related game (highest combined heels in the Fall collection? Wait, maybe I’m onto something…).

    (Side note: I also have Warner, and I think it’ll be fine once his full mix of receivers gets going.)



  26. matt pritt
    September 15, 2009 3:58 pm

    Well, I have been in a league now for close almost two decades that started at the local dive watering hole (Uncle Jimmy’s for those in the know) and we have had drafts in the bar, even when some people moved away (trying assuming the commissionary position (my job for about 8 of those years) while one of your team owners resides in Alaska) but we never actually moved the location of the draft until the last two years when we just did it online via Yahoo.

    That being said, the most ridiculous thing I have seen this year is that now there is an outfit that will offer to insure your fantasy roster (http://www.fantasysportsinsurance.com/) in case your team get’s Brady-ed like so many did last year.



  27. Cassie
    September 15, 2009 5:18 pm

    I guess they’re really living up to the fantasy end of the portion.



  28. Lawl
    September 15, 2009 6:15 pm

    I guess they badly need an excuse to all get together and have a good time. And feel important. Suit and tie important.

    I know what some of us women do to this level ridiculousity. Weddings.



  29. Anne
    September 15, 2009 6:39 pm

    Oh my, I know guys who go to ALMOST this level of fantasy-football-draftitis……and I made the mistake of attending the draft one year. I was sitting next to a guy who had designed his own team logo (uh, yeah, it involved flying horsies) and who kept hiding his roster from my prying eyes (I was just looking at the horses, honest….)



  30. jdstar3177
    September 15, 2009 7:41 pm

    I read that article in the PG and thought what a bunch of dicks. Then I spoke to a friend who works for that particular hotel and yep, they were!



  31. arika
    September 16, 2009 12:06 am

    i think that at least 3 of them are hot! and I found Danny Krow on facebook…



  32. justagirl
    September 16, 2009 8:05 am

    I didn’t put that much money or ridiculousness into my wedding. Then again, I got married by a JP rather than deal with the overdone drama of planning a wedding. (It was the book that suggested themed port-a-potties for your outdoor garden wedding that pushed me over the edge.)

    Anyways, I can see renting a board room somewhere special (preferably with a liquor license) for your fantasy football draft to go have a good time with your friends, but this isn’t about football. It’s a tool convention.



  33. bluzdude
    September 16, 2009 10:15 am

    Those guys look like little kids playing dress up, wearing their dad’s suits.

    I wonder if they ordered anyone up to “fix thier TV”…



  34. bucdaddy
    September 16, 2009 10:36 am

    See, this is almost exactly what I’m talking aout when I say I like football OK, it’s a good game, but I hate football fans and coaches and broadcasters and players and especially fans.

    What I’m EXACTLY talking about are drunkass loudmouth dickhead football fans who wouldn’t know a trap from a draw.



  35. DaleyT
    September 16, 2009 11:01 am

    Surprised that it took me this long to think of a crazy female activity corresponding to this. I came up with two (maybe one and a half):

    1. Wedding showers
    2. Baby showers

    The showering with gifts is fine. All of the ridiculous games remind of the draft antics above.



  36. Vivian formerly NYLuvsPitts
    September 16, 2009 1:40 pm

    They’ll be back in Pittsburgh next year. All suited up. REPEAT!!!!



  37. Robert E Hunt Jr
    September 16, 2009 2:34 pm

    >> I’m sitting here trying to think of something comparable that men think women take WAY too seriously, spend WAY too much money on, ridiculously jump up and down in joy over, forcing the men to roll their eyes and question the sanity of the opposite sex, and the only thing I can think of that might possibly qualify is shoes.

    One word. Oprah.



  38. Norm
    September 16, 2009 3:00 pm

    Honestly this is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen.



  39. BaldTruth
    September 17, 2009 8:45 am

    10 men that desperately need to get laid…



  40. jenny b.
    September 17, 2009 9:29 am

    this scene is:
    a.) funny sad
    b.) funny ha ha
    c.) funny douchebags



  41. unsatisfied
    September 17, 2009 11:16 am

    I am a man.

    and, after reading that story about those tools, I understand the attraction of fantasy leagues even less than I did before.



  42. Carmi
    September 17, 2009 12:23 pm

    If I ever saw old video of my dad doing this, I’d disown him.



  43. Amanda
    September 17, 2009 4:03 pm

    I just had to share. When I told my husband that I had read about this on your site, he said, “Oh My God, that is the coolest thing I have ever heard!” So there you go.



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