1. A conversation that just happened with my sister Tammy/Pens Fan who came over for lunch:
Tammy: Did you watch Dancing with the Stars last night?
Me: No. I was occupied with Chris Hummina Hummina O’Donnell.
Tammy: Chris O’Donnell?! What’s he on?
Me: NCIS LA.
Me: Meh?! No meh. He’s hot.
Tammy: Whatever. Anyway, I watched Dancing with the Stars last night and can I just tell you how much I love —
Me: Please don’t say Tom DeLay.
Tammy: Yeah, I was going to say Tom DeLay. Tom DeLay is SO HAWT.
Me: Hummina hummina.
Tammy: No. Kelly Osbourne. She made me cry.
Which is odd, because the only way I would ever imagine Kelly Osbourne being able to make me cry is if she punches my face in. Might have to tune in for myself to see what she’s talking about.
Did you see them and their big sign complaining that carbon dioxide emissions are destroying the environment?
Did you see how their stunt backed up traffic like a mother?
Did you see all the cars forced to idle, thus emitting smoke and chemicals and environment-destroying carbon dioxide into the air? And the boats that had to come and monitor their dumb butts, also emitting smoke and chemicals and environment-destroying carbon dioxide into the air?
Did you see me giving a nice, slow golf-clap for these doofi for causing the very thing they’re protesting?
I think I’ll go protest the destruction of our rivers by dumping a couple gallons of botulism into the Mon. Come down and clap for me.
3. Do you wish you had a hand-crafted beer tap for your next Steelers party and do you wish it looked like Troy Polamalu if God formed Troy Polamalu out of a giant brown turd, gave him dreads, and a face that looks just like Nic Cage if Nic Cage was majorly fug?
Do you also wish you had a beer tap that resembles Ben Roethlisberger if Ben Roethlisberger was a 75-year-old leper?
Do you wish to pay $75 for each one of them?
4. Here’s a fun article that says the White House press corps laughed when Pittsburgh was announced as host of the G-20. The article also says G-20 host cities don’t see any economic benefit from hosting the event.
5. Just like that, my PG+ (pronounced peh-jay po-see-tiff in French) one year subscription paid for itself via free tickets to the opening night of Cirque du Soleil on October 7. Anyone else going to be there?
6. I am a little surprised at how much this Craigslist What the Effie made me laugh:
7. Here’s another. You don’t get to tell us you’re smart when you can’t spell “etc.”
Also, “I am a well respected member of my tribe. I know people (but not in a dangerous way). I live in my parents basement (I’m saving $$$).”
8. Finally, because “classy, educated women” ALWAYS respond to ads seeking a “down ass bitch.”