I’ve written and rewritten, deleted and rewritten, washed, rinsed, and repeated a post about the G-20 and for right now, I don’t really want to start another discussion about protesting versus anarchy versus peaceful marches versus bashing the windows out at Pamela’s, which, what the hell message were we to take from that? “PANCAKES ARE EVIL!”
Only if you eat too many of them, anarchists. Moderation is key.
So forget the chaos for a moment and come away with me while we visit the “You can’t make this shit up file” that I keep tucked in my bra:
Firefighters had to be called to an emergency room in Newport Beach to help save a man’s penis when it got stuck in the hole of a steel dumbbell. Police said the man was attempting to enlarge the size of his penis.
I know what you’re thinking, so let me interject here that I checked and surprisingly, no, it was not Jeff Skippy Skeeve Reed.
Authorities said the man’s organ had swollen to five times its normal size.
EUREKA! It worked!
The man initially refused treatment but officials at the Hoag Memorial Hospital Presbyterian explained to the man if he waited any longer to remove the fastener the flesh in his penis would die. Firefighters used a saw to cut through the metal ring.
Oh, to be a firefighter and to come home to a kid that says, “Daddy! Daddy! What did you do today!?” and to get to sit that kid down and say, “Kid, let me tell you a little something about a thing called penicular rigor mortis.”
(h/t some awesome person whose email I lost. SORRY!)