A really icky post.

Do you remember how incredulous, dumbfounded, and incredibly icked out I was when I learned that there were women who use washable, reusable menstrual pads?

And do you remember how by researching reusable menstrual pads I stumbled upon an entire other set of women who use washable, reusable, hand-crocheted TAMPONS?

I know what you’re thinking right now.  You’re thinking, man, I wish I could make me some hand-crocheted tampons because that doesn’t sound like it would be ouchy or itchy at all to shove up my bajingo, take it out, throw the cotton away, toss the tampon in the washing machine with the kitchen towels, insert more cotton, and then shove that freshly washed hand crocheted tampon right back up my bajingo. (This might be late notice, but boys, you might want to not read this post.)

You’re in luck, because two local ladies/Awesome Burghers, one of whom is a former fierce roller derby chick named Fonda Bruises and the other is her friend Jill, have filmed a video at their most recent Ford City Stitch ‘n Bitch, in my honor no less, that teaches you how to quickly, and boy do I mean QUICKLY, hand crochet your own reusable tampons, IN TWO SIZES!

YouTube Preview Image

Notes:

1. They did that so fast! I bet if they were in a bind, say in a restaurant and they realized that their Aunt Flo just arrived unexpectedly as they sat there, they could whip out some yarn, crochet a quick tube, grab their dinner napkin, shove it in the tube, and then excuse themselves to the restroom. Voila!

2.  Good ole Rhonda, giving her Super Tampon for Super Flow Days a “rounded, more comfortable tip.”   I don’t know how they did this with a straight face.  I applaud their poker faces!

3.  I want you to know that I could be down to my last cent, and I promise you that I will sit on a downtown sidewalk with a sign that says “Spare some change so I can buy tampons” before I will ever use one of these toxic-shock inducing death tubes.

4.  Red yarn seems like a good choice of color if you’re going to make yourself a reusable, crocheted tampon.

5.  Gotta love the black and gold.  Can’t you just hear a tree hugger getting ready to head out for some tailgating, then saying, “Oh, crap. Hang on a sec.  I gotta put in my lucky Steelers tampon.”

Somewhere, Jeff Reed sits reading this all, “HAWT!”





91 Comments


  1. Duncan
    September 29, 2009 11:35 am

    I know it probably quite rude and chauvenistic (sp?) to cry while laughing out loud – just ask my co-workers that think I’m having a problem right now – but I just can’t bring myself to watch the video. Funnay!



  2. CrashJK
    September 29, 2009 11:40 am

    OMG…my eyes…I can’t believe I just read this…ack…and I know several talented folks who work the “yarn trade” (bg), they all would be vomiting right now.



  3. guest
    September 29, 2009 11:45 am

    Seriously? your (and many previous commentators’) irrational disgust towards menstruation and its products says more about your discomfort with your own body than anything else. I’m amazed you can even be around yourself while on your period.

    Women have been banished to tents/huts, forced to be ritually cleansed after their period, and generally seen as “unclean”, “unworthy” and “icky” because of their bodily functions for thousands of years. Thank you for keeping this attitude alive.



  4. Critical
    September 29, 2009 11:55 am

    I agree with guest. You come across as ignorant and arrogant! I get that you don’t like it but yeah guess what shit like this needs to be out there as we are polluting our earth. There are also diaper services for cloth reusable ones to save the environment from shitty diapers.
    http://www.thenewparentsguide.com/diapers.htm
    I get that you have your opinion but as a reluctant role model please consider your tone. Find alternatives to mention as you voice negative views.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Menstrual_cup



  5. Mary Beth
    September 29, 2009 11:56 am

    This is so funny!!



  6. LH
    September 29, 2009 11:56 am

    ummm… I think I just threw up in my mouth a little….
    to the “guest”: I am pretty secure about my body and it’s functions…my disgust comes from the fact that I am a little OCD about cleanliness and it just doesn’t seem like you could ever get this clean enough to put back in a bajingo!



  7. kdiddy
    September 29, 2009 11:57 am

    I use reusable, washable pads and a menstrual cup and it’s really not that icky. Promise. Use what your comfortable with, of course, but don’t knock the rad options that are out there.



  8. houndogg
    September 29, 2009 11:57 am

    haha!

    i just added a few items to my “to do” list today:

    run down to dick’s after work to pick up a new tent…

    if they’re fresh out of tents… build a hut!

    wooo!



  9. Katie
    September 29, 2009 11:58 am

    In response to note #1: I’m thinkin that, chances are, if you’re sitting in a restaurant and you just *happen* to have yarn and needles, then you *probably* have a tampon at the ready for Aunt Flo’s unexpected arrival. Or at least a quarter for the lady’s room machine with tampons and condoms.

    In response to the previous commenter: I am a woman, and I think blood in copious amount in ANY situation is pretty icky. I don’t think finding the blood involved in a woman’s menstruation is necessarily indicative of a hatred towards women. I think all we’re saying is that using store-bought tampons, in most situations, seems more sanitary.



  10. MN
    September 29, 2009 11:58 am

    This works WAY better than tampons: (both store-bought and homemade :)

    http://www.keeper.com/aboutkeeper.html

    Saves a lot of money too!



  11. Stacey
    September 29, 2009 11:59 am

    Seriously? You can’t be serious giving Ginny a hard time on this one. It’s not disgust against the bodily functions… it’s disgust against reusing a tampon made of yarn and the health hazards of doing so. Its revolting and I wouldn’t be caught dead doing it either. Nasty.



  12. Leslie
    September 29, 2009 12:13 pm

    Ha ha ha ha ha!
    Red yarn!



  13. Pa-pop
    September 29, 2009 12:15 pm

    For days now I’ve been happily contemplating those “files” you keep tucked in your bra. Thanks for breaking the mood. Thanks a lot.



  14. Scarlett
    September 29, 2009 12:17 pm

    I have seen CSI waaaaay too many times…but there is no way to thoroughly wash so that blood doesn’t remain-even in a microscopic amount-so sorry, disposable for me.
    Also Poster #9-that may save money…and be great…but the latex parts would burn me first and then kill me (literally)…so no thanks



  15. Kacie
    September 29, 2009 12:28 pm

    What about a Diva Cup or Keeper? Those are made of silicone, I think. I haven’t tried one, but they seem more sanitary than the homemade ones.

    Reusable menstrual products are supposedly better for your body than disposable because of all the chemicals and stuff.



  16. bluzdude
    September 29, 2009 12:40 pm

    I want to know who would cop to knitting the “large” sizes for themselves… That’s kind of like how guys never go into the drug store and admit to buying the “small” (meaning non-large) sized condoms.

    Marketing slogan for #5: For those that bleed black and gold!



  17. Lisa
    September 29, 2009 12:41 pm

    Yikes. After reading the comments, I had to enlighten myself about some of these products.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Menstrual_cup

    No thanks! I’ll stick to my good ol’ tampax…



  18. Bram R
    September 29, 2009 12:41 pm

    It’s a nice enough post, but I can not bring myself to click upon that “PLAY” button.

    You would think homemade tampons would be safer from the toxic-shock inducing aspect. Perhaps if you sheared your own organic cotton…



  19. chrys
    September 29, 2009 1:03 pm

    I am simply amazed at the things people do in the name of “our environment” I’m sorry, but reusable tampons seems very unsanitary. I am 38, have 2 daughters and a baby on the way, so it’s safe to say I am comfortable about my body. If you can go through 9 months of pregnancy, and childbirth I am betting you know your body quite well. :) There is no way in hell I would put anything “reusable” into my vagina. (insert dirty joke here..LMAO!) Sorry, but I have to agree with Scarlett.. blood never really comes out in the wash. I don’t think you need to be a CSI to know that.. have kids and do laundry. LOL! Or wash your undies after a heavy visist from Aunt Flo.. ick! Hey.. it’s a free country. You use your “reusable” and I’ll use my disposables, as will my daughters. :)



  20. red pen mama
    September 29, 2009 1:03 pm

    I spit water all over my keyboard because of the late disclaimer for boys. Thanks.

    Hilarious.

    And, uh, no.

    ciao,
    rpm



  21. Amanda Elvia
    September 29, 2009 1:03 pm

    Instead Softcups are disposable, and dont contain fiberglass like most tampon (which always freaked me out. Totally better.



  22. Lisa J.
    September 29, 2009 1:05 pm

    Ok…this is kind of scary. To “guest”: I’m pretty comfortable in my own body. Comfortable enough to question whether a homemade “washable” product is something I want to stick in it. I am not disgusted by my own period, but I damn sure don’t want to reuse any pads or tampons. That’s just not sanitary enough of a sanitary pad for me. Thank you very much. Basically, EWWWWWWE…



  23. JennyMoon
    September 29, 2009 1:05 pm

    menstrual cup? ugh.



  24. Fonda Bruises
    September 29, 2009 1:15 pm

    Come on guys, I know you want to make these for your holiday trees too!



  25. L-A
    September 29, 2009 1:23 pm

    I’d hang them on my Christmas Tree, just not up my vajayjay.



  26. The Count
    September 29, 2009 1:25 pm

    Celestial Seasonings is all over this for their upcoming vampire/goth line of tea offerings.
    Wooooo



  27. Linda
    September 29, 2009 1:25 pm

    Everyday, Ginny, you have some phrase in a sentence that makes me laugh out loud. Today it was “with the kitchen towels”! Love to read you; first thing I do after work each day.
    P.S. Some of your readers need to lighten up!



  28. Sooska
    September 29, 2009 1:32 pm

    @guest and Critical – How wrong you are, babes. The “ick” and “eww” aren’t about our periods; it is about reusing knitted things in our bajingos, assuring problems, unless properly cleaned, cleansed and made sterile, which they cannot be, without having access to major league-BOILING HOT water and toxic uber-strength disinfectant. wait. Doesn’t that make them toxic enough to surpasses disposables? yeah.
    no thanks.
    …and to all you men (bluzedude) who think “Super” is SIZE of the bajingo-it’s not. it has to do with the amount being discharged.
    God Bless Us, we don’t need biology or sex education in this country of narrow minded twats and twits. no. we. don’t.



  29. Jen
    September 29, 2009 1:33 pm

    The idea of putting that… IN ME… makes me cringe. Like… HOLY SCRATCHY, DUDE.

    And I can’t believe people are equating this with a hatred of a woman’s bodily functions. UM NO. Hatred of putting something dirty in my bajingo? UM YES. I’m sorry but you could NEVER get that thing clean enough for me to use again. If I even managed to get it in there in the first place.

    *gag*



  30. lilkirbs
    September 29, 2009 1:43 pm

    “toxic-shock inducing death tubes” oh my good gawd that is hilarious..i’m laughing so hard- i’m crying!
    anybody that has been thru toxic shock- clearly knows that “home-made” just isn’t the way to go!



  31. Glowczewski
    September 29, 2009 1:59 pm

    First the Poles, and now menstrating women who are concerned for the environment who knit (KNIT!) their own flow control devices (a niche group in more ways than one, to be sure). What, are you trying to offend everybody?



  32. Glowczewski
    September 29, 2009 2:05 pm

    I would like to add that I will never be able to look at finger puppets the same way again.



  33. Kathy
    September 29, 2009 2:05 pm

    Ginny —

    If your feelings about this topice are “ignorant” and “arrogant” (as posted by Critical), then call me ignorant and arrogant as well! Not to mention the millions of gallons of water and Tide, Shout, and every other toxic cleaner known to man that will be needed to wash those suckers.

    I say DOUBLE ICK!



  34. Jen
    September 29, 2009 2:26 pm

    Amanda, the whole fiberglass in tampons is myth. Get to know Snopes.com!

    The Keeper is unnerving, too. Rubber breaks down!

    I still would not use a reusable tampon or pad. Between the chemicals from the dye, the trace amounts of bacteria and blood, and then chemicals from soap from washing it, that’s just a recipe for TSS. Not something I want to go through.



  35. Toe
    September 29, 2009 2:28 pm

    Holy gross Batman!

    I’m totally for the green movement and all but really there is a line.



  36. CarrieG
    September 29, 2009 2:38 pm

    I LOVE Rhonda & Jill! They totally rock.

    btw-DIVA cup. hands down best ever.



  37. Shannon
    September 29, 2009 2:47 pm

    i am ALL about cloth pads. seriously- they shorten your period, and you don’t have to put toxic chemicals all up near your bajingo. but if i had to choose a crocheted tampon, i’d be joining you on the sidewalk with a flashing neon sign.



  38. Bummed
    September 29, 2009 2:49 pm

    I use reusable pads. Never had a problem with odor, TSS, or anything else. Nor do I think its gross.

    What I think is gross is leaving my bloody disposables for someone else to have to clean up and dispose of.

    Do ya’ll use disposable panties too? Throw away a toothbrush every time you see pink in the sink? Do you throw away your pants every time you fart in them?

    It also seems like most of you don’t really understand what causes TSS and are simply being selectively squeamish. Enlighten yourself: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toxic_shock_syndrome

    Note the suggestion of a menstrual cup as a way to AVOID TSS.



  39. CriticExtraordinaire
    September 29, 2009 2:51 pm

    When I pull a sopping wet tampoon outta my coochie, the LAST place I want to be tossing that nasty thing is in my washing machine.

    I am now going to log on to PG+ and find out how to pronounce “ewwwww”.



  40. RIZZO
    September 29, 2009 3:57 pm

    DAMMIT Ginny I so should have obeyed when you suggested that I stop reading. Honestly, what was I thinking? That CANNOT be sanitary!



  41. Sue with the BIG BOOBS
    September 29, 2009 4:07 pm

    I don’t know which was funnier, parts of the video or all comments and opinions that were left. Love ya Rhonda



  42. Carol
    September 29, 2009 4:30 pm

    Lot’s of comments- women find this amusing/disgusting and worthy of commentary. My gripe is that some of the really small convenience stores don’t carry any form of feminine hygiene protection, but have a plethora of condom choices. Once, in a severe emergency I stopped at a Sunoco Convenience store in Blawnox and couldn’t believe it- chewing tobacco and condoms yes…tampons no!



  43. Beth
    September 29, 2009 5:02 pm

    I’m going to go ahead and overshare here and say that I ADORE my Mooncup. It’s bad ass. I absolutely despise being on my period, not because I’m grossed out by the blood, but because it’s a pain in the ass. The Mooncup makes it so much easier to take. It can be worn for 12 hours without emptying and it’s good for the environment and saves sooo much money. I laugh when I see displays for feminine hygiene products in the stores. The irony is that I was made hip to it by your first post about cloth menstrual pads…which do gross me out.

    I sound like an infomercial.



  44. Lauren
    September 29, 2009 5:20 pm

    Ahhh, Ginny – your posts always make me laugh. It’s ironic that you mentioned that you would resort to standing outside with a sign that said you need a tampon. When I was leaving work yesterday (I work in the Heinz 57 Center building), I saw a girl sitting on the church steps beside the downtown Carnegie Library with a sign that said “Traveling, broke, need tampon.” I wish I was kidding, but my heart nearly broke when I saw it. I don’t generally have a whole lot of sympathy for the beggars downtown, but I really felt for her. I was in a hurry to pick up my kids, but I felt bad all night that I didn’t run in to the Rite Aid drug store across the street and buy her a box.



  45. Clementine
    September 29, 2009 5:21 pm

    Because my mind could not process this atrocity, at first I thought I was reading about hand-crocheted tampon cozies. I still choose to believe that. Rhonda and BFF Jill rock (especially Jill’s opinion of the Pirates).



  46. Chris
    September 29, 2009 6:18 pm

    All I have to say is Depo Provera. Haven’t had a period since 2001. Highly recommend it!



  47. Different Brian
    September 29, 2009 6:37 pm

    Lacking the requisite parts, maybe I just don’t get it, but so what if there’s a CSI amount of DNA left on them? What kind of germ, bacterium, or virus can survive in a microscopic amount of dried blood, with no source of food or energy, that was blitzed through a warm (or hot) bath with a chemical detergent for 14 to 20 minutes? And fyi, if some super bug could somehow survive that, its ALREADY in your blood stream NOW and youre already screwed.

    Fyi there are the comments you get when the warning is at the end of the second paragraph and I’ve already invested the time in the first two.



  48. Still A, Fan
    September 29, 2009 6:37 pm

    ok, i’ll say it, i bet the first few commentors with no sense of humor who do not realize the entire website premise is humorous commentary are wearing flannel shirts, eating granola and wearing ugly practical sandals in the middle of february.

    as for bluzdude….i bleed back-n-gold is HILARIOUS!!!

    what if the other 3 or 4 weeks you give them to the husband for a willie warmer?



  49. Scott
    September 29, 2009 6:45 pm

    Ginny, this post has serious potential to go viral. I wanted to turn away at first, and then found myself inexplicably compelled to continue reading, my appreciation growing with each completed sentence.

    Disturbing.

    Well done.



  50. mike
    September 29, 2009 7:21 pm

    I’ve been in tears all day. Bajingo, toxic-shock inducing death tubes- Absolutely outtstanding. Glad I didn’t listen to the warning. LMFAO. Unfortunately I couldn’t make it 50 without learning the phrase menstrual cup. Dammit.