What They’re Really Thinking: Pretty in Pink Edition

DISCLAIMER: If you’ve never seen the movie Pretty in Pink, you aren’t going to understand any of these captions and also, you’re missing out on arguably the best John Hughes movie of all time, and he died recently, so the least you can do is show your respects and see it.

Wow. So, THE PINK!  Holy crap, there was a lot of pink yesterday.  Pink shoes, pink gloves, pink towels, pink hats, pink sweat bands, pink pink pink!  And not the soft rosy pink, no, we’re talking a pink bordering on a bold fuchsia.  Paris Hilton pink. Pink pink, if you’re Whoopi Goldberg, who by the way, can totally bite me.

In honor of all that pink pink, join me as we look at What They’re Really Thinking: Pretty in Pink Edition:

1. First, Fantasy Football wise, I got my ass handed to me to the tune of 54.87 to 144.77, and my opponent still has a kicker playing in tonight’s game.  Tell me, what would it take for a kicker to earn a team negative 90 points?  Is all hope lost?

2.  The Steelers defense was a wonderful wonderful points-earning team member for three quarters and then they did their customary “What do you mean by ‘fourth quarter’?  I know not of this fourth quarter you speak of,” bullshit.

The Steelers defense earned me a whopping 3 points last night, after my stat tracker showed them giving me 20 points at the end of the third quarter.  That’s right, they lost me 17 points in one quarter.  Like I said, bullshit.  I have no clue what keeps distracting them late in the game, but if I had to guess, I’d say, each other.

Not gay at all.

3.  Rashard Mendenhall keeps this yard-racking-up thing he’s doing and there is going to be an entire city all, “Willie Parker who?  Is he in one of the Law and Order shows? CSI? Guiding Light? Keeping up with the Kardashians? WHO IS HE?”

4.  The Duke of Fug and the Earl of Gross is doing his bestest to also become King of Quarterbackylonia.  My goodness.  333 yards.  No INTs.  2 touchdowns.  4,499 pump fakes.  He can swagger all he wants today.

I almost feel bad for my years of calling him a mediocre quarterback. Almost.

5. Not having anything to do with Pretty in Pink, but I wonder, what does this guy know that no one else around him knows?

He must be psychic.

6.  Skippy.  Skippy Skeeve finally got tired of being slutless and did what he needed to do to make things right with Coach Tomlin, his teammates, and all of us — nail a field goal that’s longer than Santonio Holmes’ penis (DING! DONG!).

Skippy shook off his self doubt and nailed a 46-yarder when it counted and just like that, sluts galore.

I’m sure they made sure he didn’t get ugly sluts this time, but exactly the sluts he wanted:

No, that’s not from the movie, but I couldn’t resist.

Also, has Skippy Skeeve always been that stocky and beefy?  My goodness, he’s a stew.

I bet with his self-confidence back, he’ll return to his usual self in no time at all:

7.  So the good: Skippy, Mendenhall, Benny of Quarterbackylonia, first three quarters.

The bad: special teams, the fourth quarter, no Troysus.

What’s important is that it was an eventual happy ending, like Blaine and Andy, like Duckie and that dance floor hussy, like Steff and his weed, and like these two fans:

Oh, and like me and Jake Gyllenhaal.  What?  Shut up.





18 Comments

  1. jennviolet
    October 5, 2009 12:18 pm

    Loved your post and the movie! I was Iona for halloween last year and my hubby was Duckie. I couldn’t pull off Andie. Terrific soundtrack too!



  2. L-A
    October 5, 2009 12:28 pm

    Quarterbackylonia…loves it



  3. CrashJK
    October 5, 2009 12:52 pm

    Ah..now my Monday is better…Love the Steeler wrap up…now I will have to consult my wifey on the “Pretty in Pink” tie ins (her favorite of the Hughes flicks). Thanks Ginny !



  4. Stacey
    October 5, 2009 1:04 pm

    I too like “King of Quarterbackylonia”. Let’s hope he stays King for a very long time.



  5. bucdaddy
    October 5, 2009 1:15 pm

    5. Oh, you mean that he’s seeing the catch before it happens? I thought your comment had something to do with him being the only guy in his section not wearing black and gold. Don’t know if there’s a link there.



  6. MiamiShyner
    October 5, 2009 1:23 pm

    Great stuff.

    Is Ben being his own Fugbunny cheerleader with his spread eagle and spirit hands? And the first thing I thought when I saw the pic of Skippy was “Damn! He’s short and fat!”

    A stellar job as always.



  7. chrys
    October 5, 2009 1:38 pm

    LOVE Pretty in Pink! :) Best movie ever.. next to 16 Candles! :D

    Great post.. I love it! :) I think they played better wearing the pink. LOL! Ben should wear it alll of the time! Although.. I wanted to slap Stefan Logan upside the head a few times.. does he realize he can just call a fair catch instead of always trying to run down field??



  8. Chris
    October 5, 2009 1:48 pm

    Love the “What about the one that does this?” line. Fan-efffin-tastic!



  9. Pensgirl
    October 5, 2009 2:11 pm

    I fail, because I spent the whole post thinking “I don’t remember any of these lines” and then I realized I was harkening “Sixteen Candles.” Dammit, Molly Ringwald!

    Whether they’re leading or trailing, the Steelers seem to like to play fast and loose with the whole idea of trying to win the game. Normally I blame Ben, who seems to leave solid play for the end of halves as though he requires two-minute drills for sustenance, but this week Benny had no part in the theatrics. DAMMIT DEFENSE, we need you to be the stable one!



  10. unsatisfied
    October 5, 2009 2:16 pm

    I have no problem with stefan logan trying to run back kicks. is that not in his job description?

    if I want someone back there to fair catch every kick, we can put limas sweed back there. (oh, wait…..)

    anyone notice that sweed was nowhere to be seen?

    as for all of the mendenhall haters:

    “I just want them to know that they didn’t break me.”



  11. Still A, Fan
    October 5, 2009 3:46 pm

    Breakfast Club is far superior intellectually.



  12. Virginia Hendricks
    October 5, 2009 6:33 pm

    omg. roflmao. I LOVE these! :)

    Thanks for making my evening. I’m currently watchinf RAW and betting Skippy Skeeve is jealous of Ben right now! LOL!



  13. Magus Patris
    October 5, 2009 6:49 pm

    Can’t believe you couldn’t work in “This is a really volcanic ensemble you’re wearing, it’s really marvelous.” Especially with all the pink shit and what not. Very volcanic. And yes, “and what not” is apparently an up-and-coming addition to Pittsburghese.

    Love ya, and what not.



  14. tw
    October 5, 2009 6:58 pm

    Sorry to be a bit off topic, but the mention of sixteen candles reminds me of Jake Ryan….humina, humina, humina!



  15. red pen mama
    October 6, 2009 5:17 am

    “My goodness, he’s a stew.”

    And yet another reason I will never be able to watch Jeff Reed, aka Skippy Skeeve, without giggling. Thanks. My husband thinks I’m weird already.

    ciao,
    rpm



  16. bluzdude
    October 6, 2009 6:27 am

    I was at the game with my brother and dad, and because dad gets antsy if he has to wait in line to get out of a parking garage, we left with about 7 minute left, right after the TD to Heath made it 35-14. By the time we got to the car and turned on the radio, it was 35-28 and we were like, “Holy Crap! What the hell happened?”

    Just when we thought we finally had a stress-free game… At least they went for the kill, late, instead of futzing around for 17 seconds and punting.



  17. Kevin in ABQ
    October 6, 2009 7:55 am

    REading Bouchette’s column this morning, I see this wonderful quote by Skippy on the die-hard nature of the Pittsburgh sports fan:

    “At times you say, ‘Man are you serious?’ But at the same time, it’s the job I entail.”

    Knew he’d find a way to use ‘tail’ in a sentence. Even if it meant a grammar error.



  18. Johnaz6312
    October 6, 2009 10:27 am

    Funny Stuff there for the Steelers!! But my favorite John Hughes film is “The Breakfast Club”!