What They’re Really Thinking: Whew!

These are the Detroit Lions, people.  They didn’t win a SINGLE game last season. Not a one.

And here they’re actually coming THIS CLOSE to beating the World Champion Pittsburgh Steelers.

This either tells you a hell of a lot about how good the Lions have become, or a hell of a lot about how scared we Steelers fans should be, because if the Lions hadn’t invoked the Terrible Towel Curse upon themselves, we might be looking at a 2-3 record here.

1.  First, the superficial.  Coach Tomlin is looking a bit chunky around the middle lately, have you noticed?

Know who is NOT looking chunky around the middle?  This ref from yesterday’s game:

In the first quarter, every time he appeared on screen, my sister Tammy and I would glance at each other and raise our eyebrows all, “Huh.” Finally, in the second quarter we were like, “That old guy is kind of hot and fit and I’m very confused right now with these feelings.”

2.  The Duke of Fug, the Earl of Gross, and the King of Quarterbackylonia only made one big booboo and that was an interception, and I’ve already forgiven him for it and our relationship has moved to a whole new level of respect WITHIN THE GAME OF FOOTBALL.  Outside of the game of football, my gosh, what a fug, gross schmuck who needs to get himself a haircut. Aside from that, his 47-yard pass to Wallace kind of made me want to hug him a little bit. I’m not proud of myself. But, yeah, Benny … hugs! FOOTBALL hugs.

2.  Limas Sweed managed to drop another pass that was in my estimation, completely catchable if you’re being paid giant dollars to do simple crap like catch catchable frickin’ footballs. In the words of My Cousin Vinnie, “I got no more use for this guy.”

3.  I have no idea who to blame for the fact that the game was as close as it was. The coaches? The defense for the ridiculous amount of Lions balls being caught for first downs? But here’s something we should be thankful for — their Lion mascot, who went and ate a Terrible Towel.

First, nice camel toe, pussy … cat.

Second, the moment Steelers fans saw what the Lion did, they knew we were going to win the game:

4.  While the Lion obviously didn’t learn his lesson from LenDale White whose Tenessee Titans have not won a game since he stomped on the Terrible Towel, the rest of the team had and boy, they weren’t happy.

5.  And just like that, hell breaks loose for the Lions.

Players get hurt:

Players get exceptionally fugly:

And in their final drive of the fourth quarter, quarterbacks get sacked three times in a row, erasing almost any chance for the Lions to tie the game up:

6.  Poor Duante Culpepper, sacked so many times he lost count:

7.  Once again, we were lucky to pull out a win. I expect Troysus to play next week against the Browns [ptewie!] and I expect to see some dominating Steelers freaking football!  As for the Lion’s fate, I wouldn’t worry about him too much.  He has camel toe.  He probably went home with Jeff Reed.





39 Comments

  1. unsatisfied
    October 12, 2009 7:58 pm

    ginny — funny as hell as usual.

    but — for #4, that’s mike wallace pictured, not limas “I can’t catch the swine flu” sweed.

    at least wallace made up for his dropsies by catching that kickass long ball for a TD.



  2. unsatisfied
    October 12, 2009 8:00 pm

    whoa! did the page change or is it me and my drinking problem? I swear that pic of mike wallace was there. it was. I know it!



  3. Pittsburgh Tom (now back in da burgh)
    October 12, 2009 8:10 pm

    The referee is Ed Hochuli. Sports Illustrated once did a piece on his diet and exercise routine.

    Love the My Cousin Vinny reference. How is your Joe Pesci impression?



  4. bluzdude
    October 12, 2009 8:19 pm

    The girl in the facepaint looks like she’s totally going to eat someone’s children. Back away from the towel, Lion. Also, never trust a lion with blue Disney-eyes.

    Limas totally dropped a 3rd down converting catch. Wallace dropped one too but he at least made up for it by being fast and awesome. Once the Duke starts getting the ball a little farther out there, he and 17 are going to hook up for a number of long range TDs.



  5. Lauren H
    October 12, 2009 8:24 pm

    Ed “Hercules” is always fun to watch… He flexes when he signals first downs!
    Like the “10 Things…” reference!



  6. Chris T
    October 12, 2009 8:28 pm

    Sweed couldn’t catch the clap in Taiwan.



  7. Jen
    October 12, 2009 8:40 pm

    I had no idea that the Lion ate the Towel. When will these teams learn? YOU DO NOT MESS WITH THE TOWEL.



  8. Vivian formerly NYLuvs Pitts
    October 12, 2009 8:46 pm

    I can’t believe we let the Lions get this close. We were suppose to shut them down. And haven’t they had enough bad luck. That stupid Mascot is going to pay for messing with the Towel. Tennessee has yet to win a game since the messed with the towel.



  9. Joe
    October 12, 2009 8:47 pm

    Ginny — where do you get these great pictures from? Once again…another funny as sh*t posting!



  10. Tracy in SC
    October 13, 2009 5:35 am

    Last three lines: BEST EVER.



  11. Virginia
    October 13, 2009 5:37 am

    Unsatisfied, you are not crazy. I just caught my mistake after I posted and removed it. ;)

    Joe, I start at the P-G, rarely find anything that good, move to the Trib, might find one or two, but a majority of these are from NFL.com or are photos from the opposing teams’ newspapers, in this case, The Detroit Free Press. ;)



  12. Virginia
    October 13, 2009 5:37 am

    Whoa, sorry about the overuse of the winky emoticon up there.



  13. CrashJK
    October 13, 2009 5:39 am

    Here’s an idea…let’s forget about the STeeler love-fest for a week ? You know we have a stellar hockey team in town…the Penguins, you may have heard of them ?! How about some respect for the boys on the ice who aren’t all drama kings ? Just sayin’….



  14. Schuyler
    October 13, 2009 6:06 am

    Great post, as always – what an awesome way to start my day! “Add the ouchie, plus 5 …” Thank you for all the laughs!!!



  15. butcher's dog
    October 13, 2009 6:46 am

    Not only should Limas Sweed not enter into any long-term financial obligations, he probably shouldn’t even buy green bananas.



  16. bucdaddy
    October 13, 2009 6:51 am

    I’m old and hot (male menopause) and … well, my pants still fit. Would you ladies like me to send pictures? ;-)



  17. Chris
    October 13, 2009 7:23 am

    Ginny,

    Once again thanks for the awesome photos – Lion eating towel and Curse-Be-Open-You Steeler fan just got sent to my friend in Detroit…’cause I get no end of shit during the baseball season…yeah, the baseball season…whatever..



  18. Leslie
    October 13, 2009 7:26 am

    I needed this today – both the post and the comments are priceless.



  19. unsatisfied
    October 13, 2009 7:50 am

    ginny — thanks! ;-)

    just glad to know that I’m not going batshit crazy.

    btw — good call on the camel toe.



  20. lilkirbs
    October 13, 2009 8:04 am

    nobody makes me laugh like you Ginny! i’m glad you are here!



  21. e$
    October 13, 2009 8:24 am

    coach is totally buying his pants in the “husky” section of K Mart these days… what it up with that?



  22. mis
    October 13, 2009 8:46 am

    Tomlin might be on the sidelines riding a bike soon!



  23. Burgher Jon
    October 13, 2009 8:59 am

    You don’t want to give Benny at FOOTBALL hug, because a football hug is a slap in the ass.



  24. Dawn
    October 13, 2009 9:15 am

    Thank you for making me laugh this morning. I particularly love the series of Lions freaking out about the Lion eating the Terrible Towel… don’t know wy, but it made me giggle.

    Also, I wore a cute little Steeler’s baby-t my mom brought down when she visited last, and I had three different people stop me in the store and ask if I was from Pittsburgh. The best part was each of them then leaned over and “admitted” that they had family from Pittsburgh, or were, themselves, originally from the Burgh.

    It’s nice to have Pittsburgh family everywhere. :)



  25. Pensgirl
    October 13, 2009 9:56 am

    I didn’t see the game, but I’m pretty sure the score tells me everything I need to know. Sigh. And great post, as always!

    ESPN’s Page 2 is trying to do a series on what sports-related person “owns” each city with pro teams. For Pittsburgh, they put…

    …you said Dan Rooney right? Or Mario. Probably depends on age – The Generation Mario Built will go with him, people older than us will go with Rooney. There’s not really a wrong answer between the two.

    But the actual author dude? Said Benny. With Rooney and Sid as runners up. Proving he knows nothing of our fair town.

    CrashJK, it’s crazy to ask Ginny to do something similar to WTWRT for every Pens game. Plus, at some point you just have to accept that some (most) people are Steeler-first people. Que será, será.

    (That said, I hope that even Steeler-first people are watching the Pens because they’ve been a lot of fun so far (Coyotes game notwithstanding). They must be into the vampire trend because they are just sucking the life out of their opponents.)



  26. CrashJK
    October 13, 2009 10:49 am

    Pensgirl – I won’t expect a WTWRT for all the Pens games…sorry, I don’t get caught up in the every up and down of the Steelers like some(most) people in tahn. Color we a hockey fan who observes the stillers and ben. Sorry to Ginny, it won’t happen again. We all cool ?…peace…and long live Chuck Knoll !!!



  27. CrashJK
    October 13, 2009 10:50 am

    dang it….NOLL….phat fingers…ok, I’m done…



  28. Pensgirl
    October 13, 2009 11:05 am

    Look at my name, Crash, I’m obviously a Pens-first lady. But most Burghers aren’t, and there’s no point in asking a Steelerite to pay more attention to the Pens than they currently do.

    I suspect you’ll see the city’s “main” team allegiance change as my generation gets older, thanks to Mario, but in the meantime all you can do is seek out the people like yourself to talk Pens and just be glad your favorite sport isn’t baseball.



  29. PittinDC
    October 13, 2009 7:28 pm

    I’m so sad that Ed Hochuli did the game and I didn’t get to see it! I love him and his flexing first downs!



  30. Willie Parker's Big Toe
    October 13, 2009 7:36 pm

    Yikes…you tricked me into looking at the Lions camel toe! Yucko!!!



  31. PittCheMBA
    October 13, 2009 7:38 pm

    #9 on the Detroit Lions team is actually their first round draft pick, Matthew Stafford, who is a quarterback. What’s up with fugly QB’s ???



  32. Roary
    October 14, 2009 7:51 am

    That’s the first time I’ve seen a pic with the towel. Where did you get it? Had a blast at the game the Steelers’ fans were great. Congrats.

    Roary



  33. Virginia
    October 14, 2009 7:58 am

    Roary,

    The Detroit Free Press had that picture. ;)



  34. Roary
    October 14, 2009 10:02 am

    Thank-You. I’ve learned a lot about the towel in the past few days… (ignoring silly things like curses and what-not). It was never meant to disrespect how the towel originated and where the proceeds go today. I am, however, looking into ways to rectify the situation as I feel strongly for the cause in which it supports. My apologies to those who were truely offended, my intentions were nothing more then rile the crowd a bit and add to the fun of “the game”.



  35. Pingback: Excuses and some football. « Jo Elless. Is jealous.

  36. Patrick
    October 15, 2009 1:28 pm

    Roary, beat the Bengals and the Ravens in December and we’ll call it even.



  37. Polprav
    October 15, 2009 1:46 pm

    Hello from Russia!
    Can I quote a post in your blog with the link to you?



  38. Virginia
    October 17, 2009 11:50 am

    Polprav … yes. ;)



  39. Kim Z
    October 26, 2009 12:58 pm

    Just saw this on Twitter @mental_floss “When Ed Hochuli isn’t officiating an NFL game (or working out), he’s a trial lawyer with the Arizona firm Jones, Skelton & Hochuli.”