These are the Detroit Lions, people. They didn’t win a SINGLE game last season. Not a one.
And here they’re actually coming THIS CLOSE to beating the World Champion Pittsburgh Steelers.
This either tells you a hell of a lot about how good the Lions have become, or a hell of a lot about how scared we Steelers fans should be, because if the Lions hadn’t invoked the Terrible Towel Curse upon themselves, we might be looking at a 2-3 record here.
1. First, the superficial. Coach Tomlin is looking a bit chunky around the middle lately, have you noticed?
Know who is NOT looking chunky around the middle? This ref from yesterday’s game:
In the first quarter, every time he appeared on screen, my sister Tammy and I would glance at each other and raise our eyebrows all, “Huh.” Finally, in the second quarter we were like, “That old guy is kind of hot and fit and I’m very confused right now with these feelings.”
2. The Duke of Fug, the Earl of Gross, and the King of Quarterbackylonia only made one big booboo and that was an interception, and I’ve already forgiven him for it and our relationship has moved to a whole new level of respect WITHIN THE GAME OF FOOTBALL. Outside of the game of football, my gosh, what a fug, gross schmuck who needs to get himself a haircut. Aside from that, his 47-yard pass to Wallace kind of made me want to hug him a little bit. I’m not proud of myself. But, yeah, Benny … hugs! FOOTBALL hugs.
2. Limas Sweed managed to drop another pass that was in my estimation, completely catchable if you’re being paid giant dollars to do simple crap like catch catchable frickin’ footballs. In the words of My Cousin Vinnie, “I got no more use for this guy.”
3. I have no idea who to blame for the fact that the game was as close as it was. The coaches? The defense for the ridiculous amount of Lions balls being caught for first downs? But here’s something we should be thankful for — their Lion mascot, who went and ate a Terrible Towel.
First, nice camel toe, pussy … cat.
Second, the moment Steelers fans saw what the Lion did, they knew we were going to win the game:
4. While the Lion obviously didn’t learn his lesson from LenDale White whose Tenessee Titans have not won a game since he stomped on the Terrible Towel, the rest of the team had and boy, they weren’t happy.
5. And just like that, hell breaks loose for the Lions.
Players get hurt:
Players get exceptionally fugly:
And in their final drive of the fourth quarter, quarterbacks get sacked three times in a row, erasing almost any chance for the Lions to tie the game up:
6. Poor Duante Culpepper, sacked so many times he lost count:
7. Once again, we were lucky to pull out a win. I expect Troysus to play next week against the Browns [ptewie!] and I expect to see some dominating Steelers freaking football! As for the Lion’s fate, I wouldn’t worry about him too much. He has camel toe. He probably went home with Jeff Reed.