24 hours of extra stink.

Did you guys read the first letter in today’s Cat’s Call at the P-G?  Here it is:

DEAR CAT: Here’s one I bet you haven’t heard before. After three years of marriage I just learned that my husband doesn’t shower every day. If he exercises or works on the house or the car, then he takes a shower. But otherwise he takes one every other day. I learned this when I came back from a weekend trip and saw the towel hadn’t been used. I asked him about it and he casually said he hadn’t showered since I left. He looked and smelled fine, but … that’s gross, right?! I can laugh a little now, after having a few days to digest it, but what bothers me is that I didn’t know this about my own spouse! Our work schedules overlap so we never use the shower at the same time (I leave earlier so I always assumed he showered after I was gone). Should I be mad or chalk this up to “things you learn about your spouse over time?” — DAILY BATHER

You can go read for yourself what “Cat’s Call” was, but, here’s my call, the writer of this letter is either punking Cat or is absolutely 100% batshit crazy.

Here’s why:

1.  “Saw that the towel hadn’t been used.”  Does she only give him one towel? Do they only own one towel? Why did she even check? Is she that psycho that she notices whether or not a bath towel has been used?

2.  “What bothers me is that I didn’t know this about my own spouse!” DEAR GOD, HE BATHES EVERY OTHER DAY! WHAT NEXT? WILL I FIND HORSE PORN UNDER THE BED?!  IS HE A SATANIC HIGH PRIEST?!  WHAT NEXT, GOD?!?

3.  “Should I be mad?” MAD?!  Should you be mad that your husband bathes every other day, as opposed to being just perhaps “grossed out”?  I’ll tell you what you should be, lady.  You should be questioning your mental health that after three years of marriage you notice your husband showers every 48 hours and instead of saying to youself, “Oh, perhaps I can find a way to encourage him to shower every 24 hours,” you chose to WRITE A FRICKIN’ LETTER TO A LOCAL ADVICE COLUMNIST, FOR PUBLICATION, ASKING IF YOU SHOULD BE MAD AT YOUR HUSBAND FOR HIS CHOSEN FREQUENCY OF SHOWERING.

You’re mad already, lady.  Batshit crazy mad.

Seek help.  That’s my call and that’s church.


  1. Magus Patris
    October 13, 2009 7:33 am

    My wife’s grandfather used to say, “I take a bath every Saturday night; whether I need one or not.” He was joking. I think.

  2. Patrick
    October 13, 2009 7:35 am

    Thats too funny. I should write in about my wife, who’s daily ritual from start to finish, takes about 2 hours. No kidding.

  3. Brother Anthony
    October 13, 2009 7:36 am

    There’s a lot beneath this story:

    She and her husband seem to barely cross paths, and for more than 3 years, apparently.

    She doesn’t write into the advice columnist about how hard this is, that she barely knows her man.

    He apparently starts his morning later than her, and doesn’t work up any of a sweat over the weekend, with exercise or housework.

    Finally, she has long been looking for more clues about how he’s spending his days, as she notices that he didn’t touch a towel.


    Maybe the simplest answer is that he doesn’t shower at *home* every day.

  4. bucdaddy
    October 13, 2009 7:38 am

    What IS that in the photo, some alien form of cat or a giant amputee spider?

    Anyway, if she hasn’t been able to smell the difference between showered and unshowered hubby in three years she should just Let.It.Go.

  5. spoon
    October 13, 2009 7:47 am

    I wonder when she placed her Craig’s List ad for a guy she added that showering was a must or that it was just implied.

  6. Heather
    October 13, 2009 7:48 am

    Batshit crazy is probably my most favorite term EVER.
    Right up there with whackadoodle, which I also think we can assign to this woman.

  7. Mindymin
    October 13, 2009 7:49 am

    I read that literally 2 minutes ago & am still scratching my head…

    1) I have found that 90% of the time if i have to question whether to be angry or not that NOT is the correct response.

    2) that lady has far bigger issues than an every other day bather…i think she needs to maybe get to know her hubby a bit better…

    3) If this is the largest trial her marriage faces lucky here…some people get all wound up over the dumbest shit…

  8. bucdaddy
    October 13, 2009 7:50 am

    By coincidence, I’m off to take a shower. Any of you ladies who would like to confirm this by watching are welcome, but … you know, that could be ANYBody behind the translucent shower doors, right? All you see is an outline. I COULD be paying somebody to shower on alternating days so the towel gets used and you never catch on that I go au natural three times a week.

    So yeah, just to be on the safe side you should get in there with me.

    And then, just to be certain I haven’t set up some kind of hologram device, you should lather up a washcloth and scrub my … back. And if I go “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH,” then yes, it’s me.

  9. Old Cynic
    October 13, 2009 7:52 am

    And the problem is? I should eat because you’re hungry? When the tree huggers have their way a weekly shower only will be a way of life. Your wonderful husband is just ahead of the curve. It’s the green movement just happened to come to your house early.

  10. unsatisfied
    October 13, 2009 7:54 am

    years ago, I went through a 6-month training program with one of my employers. it consisted of 75 young 20-somethings from all over the world.

    this woman should feel lucky that she wasn’t stuck in my class sitting next to one of the eastern europeans. let’s just say that they didn’t know what a bar of soap was for. wow.

  11. Tim the Meatshield
    October 13, 2009 8:15 am

    Are these people so busy that they don’t know each other that well? Get a grip, lady.

    Now, you’re not gonna tell my wife about that horse porn, are you?

  12. cp
    October 13, 2009 8:30 am

    Showering every day is totally unnecessary. If you are grossed out or offended by someone that goes one day without a shower, then you are batshit crazy.

  13. psumommy
    October 13, 2009 8:45 am


    I can totally top her. Dear Cat: I’ve been with my husband for 12 years, and I just now found out that he doesn’t like spinach, but he’s been lying to me and eating it anyway. Should I divorce him?

    Veggie Lover

    (I’m kidding. My husband does love spinach.)

    (I think. Crap. Now I have to go ask him. At least I know I have somewhere to turn for advice if he doesn’t, right?)

  14. Cathy
    October 13, 2009 8:57 am

    I am with Brother Anthony, “Maybe the simplest answer is that he doesn’t shower at *home* every day.”

  15. not stinky
    October 13, 2009 9:11 am

    Um, maybe this is too much information, but (pause) I don’t shower every day. My husband is a routine guy and needs his shower 1st thing in the morning. I am always in a hurry getting my 4 kids to school, and there’s no way I’m getting up an hour before them just to take a shower. I try to exercise when I get back and then shower afterwards, but if I don’t exercise that day I usually don’t bother with a shower. Maybe I’m gross and don’t know it, but I’m fine with a shower every other day. Is it really that big of a deal? Trust me, a lot of moms out there are lucky to get a shower every other day!! Am I right? (…am I?)

  16. SpudMom
    October 13, 2009 9:24 am

    not stinky –

    You’re SO right. I have half the number of kids you do and I’m lucky to get my every other day shower. They’re both young and not school age so some days are more of struggle than others. Especially those days when the baby has a bad night and I’m too tired to think.

    This woman should be grateful he showers at all. I long-distance dated a guy in college that I wasn’t entirely sure if he showered when I wasn’t around.

  17. Virginia
    October 13, 2009 9:27 am

    Not stinky,

    You’re right.

  18. mfj
    October 13, 2009 9:40 am

    I used to have a boss who would go literally days and days without showering. Sitting next to him in a meeting was like walking into Sunseri’s in the strip and smelling five kinds of cheese at the same time.

  19. Burgh Baby
    October 13, 2009 9:49 am

    This has reminded me of a story a co-worker once told me . . . Her husband was a Road Warrior and really only home on the weekends. Every day that he was home, his lovely wife would pick his washcloth up off the shower floor and hang it up on the towel rack for him. It took TWO YEARS for the two of them to realize that he had been using the same washcloth every single weekend. For two years. He assumed that his wife was like the housekeeper in his hotel always cleaning up after him and giving him new towels and washcloths. She assumed that he was a lazy jerk who didn’t know how to pick up after himself. I think they may have both been right.

  20. AModelCitizen
    October 13, 2009 9:49 am

    This may also fall under the TMI but here goes…
    My wife read this after me this morning, and we both had a good laugh. Then as I’m watching my Sportscenter, she slowly turn and looks at me “Did you shower on Sunday?”
    “Nope, and I didn’t on Saturday, either”
    (granted, I had been under the weather)

  21. Cindy T.
    October 13, 2009 9:56 am

    I thought the same thing when I read about the towel not being used — ulterior control freak that she knows the towel was not moved. If this is all she has to worry about, God bless her.

  22. Pittsburgh Tom (now back in da burgh)
    October 13, 2009 10:01 am

    I think if you can get away without showering every day and no one you’re around during the day can tell, then it doesn’t affect anyone else and it’s nobody else’s business.
    If people can tell you haven’t showered in a while, it’s time to rethink your shower schedule.

    The letter writer definitely seems to be insecure about the state of her marriage. And an advice columnist is totally a better place to talk to about it than a therapist, clergy, or her husband.

  23. chrys
    October 13, 2009 10:02 am

    not stinky,

    I’m right there with you!! I have 2 kids, with one on the way.. there is no way in hell I will be getting up early to shower. My hubby must have a shower every morning, he says it helps wake him up. But me.. meh. My kids are in school, and I find it much more relaxing to go back to bed when they leave for school!! :D

    bucdaddy.. you are a dirrty boy!! LMAO!! :D

    As for the girl who wrote to Cat.. she is batshit crazy!! :P

  24. andrea
    October 13, 2009 10:04 am

    My kids are no longer little, but you moms will find the alternate day showering remains the norm, especially in winter, because your skin gets drier, which hot water makes worse, and you want to make your hair color last on all that gray hair your adorable children have given you!

    Sponge baths! Spot-cleaning! Half-baths for shaving! (Sorry to give away all our secrets to you men…)

  25. Pensgirl
    October 13, 2009 10:09 am

    Yes, she is nutso. He’s not doing anything WRONG! The worst you can label it is “gross,” and really that’s if he 1) stinks or 2) has visible dirt all over him. If he actually showers every other day but it SEEMS like he showers daily, congrats, because there are plenty of stinky men for whom it works the other way around!

  26. red pen mama
    October 13, 2009 10:11 am

    If Cat’s answer is far off Ginny’s answer and/or most of these comments, I’m pretty sure it’s worthless. No offense to Cat. I mean, she can’t just call someone batshit crazy. People will stop asking for her advice, right?

    Anyhoo, I’m pretty much in the camp of “if you need to write an advice columnist for this, you have bigger problems” camp.


  27. bluzdude
    October 13, 2009 10:17 am

    She should take heart that she (or he) should only have to clean the tub 1/3 less often.

    If the guy doesn’t smell or look all oily, then it’s “no harm, no foul.” Sounds like she’s more against the “idea” of not showering daily.

    Which reminds me of a story, from way back in the day…
    We were at an informal neighborhood gathering and someone was telling my dad that another neighbor is so fussy he has the days of the week sewn into his underwear.

    My dad said, “I do the same thing… only mine say ‘January…February…'”

    You should have seen the look on the neighbor’s face. No better way to teach your boy the fine art of ‘chain-yanking’.

    I wonder if they wrote into an advice columnist about it…

  28. bucdaddy
    October 13, 2009 10:19 am

    Many many years ago (shut up! ‘daddy’s OLD, OK?) there was a TV commercial for … I’m going to say Mennen, but it was some men’s deodorant … that began with a nice-looking man looking into the camera and saying, “I didn’t use my underarm deodorant today, and I may not tomorrow.” The intent, of course, was to emphasize that the deodorant was so strong and long-lasting that you could maybe get away with using it every third day.

    But of course, everyone who ever saw that commercial thought this: You’d go three days without a bath, Mr. Hairy Arm Pits? EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

    On the flip side, I also recall a commercial with the 1980s-era baseball pitcher Orel Hershiser (I think it was for a mild shampoo) in which he said he sometimes took five showers a day. And I tried to think: Five? How?

    1. Wake up. Shower.

    2. Eat breakfast. Shower.

    3. Take nap. Shower.

    4. Go to ballpark. Cruise buffet. Shag balls in outfield, play some long toss. Shower.

    5. Watch game from dugout four out of five days. Shower.

    Go to bed.

    Struck me as kind of obsessive.

  29. Novos51
    October 13, 2009 10:37 am

    I shower every day but thats because I tend to be a little greasy. If I could get away with not I would because sleep is awesome. My five year old son once told me that we needed to save water so he volunteered to stop bathing.

  30. Monty
    October 13, 2009 10:59 am

    Seems like her question would have been better addressed to Lamont. Speaking of which, I don’t ask for much — isn’t it about time for a re-post of the picture in which he was hanging brain in the lime green speedo?

  31. red pen mama
    October 13, 2009 11:05 am

    I am clearly also in the “redundant commenter redundant comment” camp.



    PS bucdaddy and bluzdude: funnies

  32. Ug Lee
    October 13, 2009 11:47 am

    I don’t care how often anyone showers as long as they don’t stink. If you can get away with showering only once a week without managing to smell ripe, more power to you.

  33. Lisa J
    October 13, 2009 2:40 pm

    Mother of 4 here. I try to shower everyday, but I have teenage girls at home, and they hog my bathroom. So it doesn’t always happen. Hubby doesn’t shower everyday either. It’s not a big deal. If he stunk, I’d tell him, if I stunk, he’d tell me. As long as the guy isn’t stinky, which the lady said he wasn’t, then geez…get over it. Less towels used, less laundry.

  34. Linda
    October 13, 2009 2:41 pm

    My husband sometimes takes what he calls “the hooker shower” (washing in only the very important areas) if he is running short on time.

  35. kelli
    October 13, 2009 2:58 pm

    I am the opposite of Novos51 – I tend to be a little dry – actually, very dry in the winter. Every other day, at most, at least in the winter. Summer, my “greasy” season, is probably closer to daily.

    Some may think it is gross, but it isn’t. The gross thing would be if I did shower everyday in the winter. I’d be like a molting snake or something.

  36. Scott
    October 13, 2009 7:56 pm

    Saturday night was when my parents took their showers when I was growing up. Perhaps I should ask Cat if she thinks this could result in my having unrealistic expectations of my wife.

  37. SteelyMcClean
    October 14, 2009 7:49 am

    I gotta side w/the daily shower. #1. I would have sniffed him out well before marrying him. #2. It’s never too late to divorce his smelly ass. #3. If he’s that inactive that he feels he doesn’t need to shower, I wouldn’t want him wearing out my sofa.

    Unless you’re sick, take a shower!

  38. Beth
    October 14, 2009 3:31 pm

    At my house, we call that a “Ho Bath.”

    I have to shower everyday because if I don’t my husband complains that I’m “sticky” when we spoon.

  39. TommyB
    October 15, 2009 5:53 am

    “Daily Bather’s” biggest problem is seeking advice from Cat rather than Virginia.