Did you guys read the first letter in today’s Cat’s Call at the P-G? Here it is:
DEAR CAT: Here’s one I bet you haven’t heard before. After three years of marriage I just learned that my husband doesn’t shower every day. If he exercises or works on the house or the car, then he takes a shower. But otherwise he takes one every other day. I learned this when I came back from a weekend trip and saw the towel hadn’t been used. I asked him about it and he casually said he hadn’t showered since I left. He looked and smelled fine, but … that’s gross, right?! I can laugh a little now, after having a few days to digest it, but what bothers me is that I didn’t know this about my own spouse! Our work schedules overlap so we never use the shower at the same time (I leave earlier so I always assumed he showered after I was gone). Should I be mad or chalk this up to “things you learn about your spouse over time?” — DAILY BATHER
You can go read for yourself what “Cat’s Call” was, but, here’s my call, the writer of this letter is either punking Cat or is absolutely 100% batshit crazy.
1. “Saw that the towel hadn’t been used.” Does she only give him one towel? Do they only own one towel? Why did she even check? Is she that psycho that she notices whether or not a bath towel has been used?
2. “What bothers me is that I didn’t know this about my own spouse!” DEAR GOD, HE BATHES EVERY OTHER DAY! WHAT NEXT? WILL I FIND HORSE PORN UNDER THE BED?! IS HE A SATANIC HIGH PRIEST?! WHAT NEXT, GOD?!?
3. “Should I be mad?” MAD?! Should you be mad that your husband bathes every other day, as opposed to being just perhaps “grossed out”? I’ll tell you what you should be, lady. You should be questioning your mental health that after three years of marriage you notice your husband showers every 48 hours and instead of saying to youself, “Oh, perhaps I can find a way to encourage him to shower every 24 hours,” you chose to WRITE A FRICKIN’ LETTER TO A LOCAL ADVICE COLUMNIST, FOR PUBLICATION, ASKING IF YOU SHOULD BE MAD AT YOUR HUSBAND FOR HIS CHOSEN FREQUENCY OF SHOWERING.
You’re mad already, lady. Batshit crazy mad.
Seek help. That’s my call and that’s church.