You want me in that square. You NEED ME IN THAT SQUARE!

If I was in a courtroom, being a lawyer, and trying to prove to a jury that pigeons really are evil and that my client (me) was not wrong when she sat in Market Square and shot pigeons with a BB gun during lunchtime, I would be all, “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have proof, irrefutable proof, that pigeons are evil knowing bastards that are borne of Satan and thus surely must die.”  And then I’d show this video taken by reader Stanley:

Did you SEE THAT?

He wound open the window and the pigeon didn’t even acknowledge the fact that the window moved.  Then he winds the window open again and the pigeon — the pigeon! He slowly turns his entire body around, peers menacingly into the window and breathes, “If you do that one more time, I will come in there and I will peck your face off and flush it down the toilet.”

Didn’t you hear that part, too?

Also:

(picture source)

Satan has clearly been up to something. Eff.





15 Comments

  1. bluzdude
    October 14, 2009 12:05 pm

    Great… so now the pigeons have jet packs.

    This is a quick video I put together a while ago, in tribute to the life’s work of our esteemed host. (and a quick story on how the video came to be.)

    http://darwinfish2.blogspot.com/2009/09/poisoning-pigeons-in-park.html



  2. eileen
    October 14, 2009 12:45 pm

    Remember the time a few years back when they thought there was a sniper on top of the old Hornes Department Store? The evacuated half of downtown. Turns out he was the maintenance man shooting pigeons.

    That is definitely someone you would love to be self united with!



  3. Pa-pop
    October 14, 2009 12:46 pm

    From evidence on the window sill, it looks like the pigeon has already been inside.



  4. Ferd
    October 14, 2009 1:47 pm

    That man was a hero, Eileen.



  5. Pensgirl
    October 14, 2009 2:47 pm

    Considering a pigeon once dive-bombed me IN MY CAR WHILE I WAS DRIVING IT, if I were on that jury I would be all “SO NOT GUILTY.”

    Nice movie reference by the way.



  6. Bojack
    October 14, 2009 3:55 pm

    Nothing a high-power burst of wasp & hornet spray in the eyes, or a nice coating of battery acid wouldn’t fix!!

    This guy needs to man-up and off the bird!!!



  7. Michelle
    October 14, 2009 5:05 pm

    Love, love, love the “A Few Good Men” reference. Probably my favorite movie of all time.

    Also, please do not hesitate to take out as many pigeons as you please. I’m not a fan of any animal that has no fear of things bigger than it is. Pigeons clearly fall into this category.



  8. Novos51
    October 15, 2009 4:58 am

    Ginny,
    Check out http://www.peopleofwalmart.com
    Do it now
    Hurry
    Your blog will write itself
    After that go to http://www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com



  9. Pittwedge
    October 15, 2009 6:58 am

    That video is precisely why I own a cat and a dog, both of which would gladly deal with that squab-in-waiting. I may be a vegetarian, but they are not!



  10. george
    October 15, 2009 7:40 am

    Where’s my jetpack?



  11. Cassie
    October 15, 2009 7:45 am

    Awkward family photos cracks my s**t up every time I go there. Good call!



  12. george
    October 15, 2009 9:38 am

    Here’s another source of fodder.
    http://thereifixedit.com/



  13. Chris
    October 15, 2009 11:06 am

    OMG Eileen, I had completely forgotten about the Horne’s Pigeon Shoot :-)



  14. Sorgatron
    October 15, 2009 2:14 pm

    So glad the South Hills are pigeon free. (they are, aren’t they?



  15. Jen
    October 15, 2009 7:14 pm

    That is actually really DISTURBING. What the eff is wrong with these pigeons???