Random n’at.

1. [mommyblogging] Yesterday was the occasion of childhood birthday party madness and the madness that gets heaped upon that madness and then the madness of cookie, cake, ice cream, and pop-addled screaming children madness that gets heaped upon those madnesses and just yesterday I decided birthday parties for children are unnecessary evils and I’m SO over them and next year it will be, “Good happy birthday morning!  Here are your birthday Frosted Flakes and your birthday milk and LOOK! a special birthday spoon that looks just like every other spoon in this house.  Now don’t be late catching your birthday bus because you don’t want to be late for your birthday math test and then when you get home, you will do your birthday homework before birthday dinner and then you can open your birthday gifts, after which, brush those birthday teeth and hit that birthday bed, BIRTHDAY BOY! WOO! High five!”

Also, my sisters and I NEVER had birthday parties growing up.  We’ve survived with minimal therapy.


2.  Some of you are asking what I mean when I say that Random Number Generator is picking the winner of my giveaways, and some of you are asking to see this mysterious Random Number Generator, but I can’t show it to you, because it is in my secret witch’s room in my house where I keep my crystal ball, my dead pigeon sacrifices, and various self-united husbands chained naked to the wall.   I’m kidding … it’s right here. Every contest is decided by that little doohickeythingimajigabob. Technical term.

3. A rhino has apparently bit the thumb off of a Zoo worker.  That’s terrible and further proof that animals, a great majority of them, are scary deadly beasts.  I’m afraid of most all animals to the point that when I go to the zoo, I swear the monkeys look at me for the sole purpose of determining which appendange they will rip off first after they break through the glass and give me a disease.  UPDATE: The thumb was merely crushed. Not severed, but crushed. “Crushed” is the answer we were looking for.

4.  Pittsburgh will host one of the UN’s World Environment Day sites in 2010.  This is awesome provided we don’t all have to stay home for it and provided it doesn’t attract any bridge danglers.

5.  Tonight is the night that Jim Lokay and I will be bartending at the Glass Center for the ESPRIT event. I initially thought I only had to serve beer and wine, but now that I’ve seen the bartenders guide, I realize that I have to also serve a few mixed drinks.  I have the capability to muck this up to the tune of epicness.  Also, world, I am not a fashionista.  I do not care that I wore the same black shirt to the Pittsburgh Magazine Best of Pittsburgh party that I wore to the Las Velas grand opening (still have to write that story up).  And I do not care that I’m making a major fashion booboo and am wearing white tonight.  Call it Winter White.  Call it I Don’t Have Anything Else to Wear White.  Call it LaMont Would Burn You Alive For That White.  Call it Bite Me White.

6.  We haven’t seen this lately, have we:

That was a nice trip down memory lane.  I miss LaMont.

7.  A few What the Effies for you.


  1. Patrick
    October 16, 2009 8:05 am

    The second “What the Effie” is copied straight from Austin Powers I believe. That was Dr. Evil.

    As for the photo, it sure does look like Daughtry…..

  2. Bojack
    October 16, 2009 8:32 am

    Not to worry Oh Pigeon-bashing mixologist for a night!!! :-)
    Most people WILL drink beer and wine, anybody wants a “foo-foo” drink that they don’t know how to make themselves, advise them to do shots!!! Oh, and unless they’re serving bottom-rung vodka & gin don’t even look at a vermouth bottle……

    Bojack (formerly a mixologist at Ben’s ex-fave casino in Tahoe)

  3. Donncha
    October 16, 2009 8:33 am

    Just an update: the zoo’s director and its spokespeople called to say the thumb was not bitten off, just crushed. And the zoo is declining to identify the rhino saying they don’t want people to come in and disparage the rhinoceros.

    I know, but that’s what they said.

  4. NeedChocolate
    October 16, 2009 8:33 am

    update on #3…thumb (I thnk they said thumb) is NOT gone…initial reports were wrong. But a rhino biting your finger is scary. regardless.

    #4…fml. that means Boy Wonder’s face will be whoring it up for any news outlet that will look at him.

    final effie, left me speechless. did he for real title his post “Steph, stockings, garterbelt, panties and bra” ?!?!?! WOW!

    I miss LaMont too.

  5. Pa-pop
    October 16, 2009 8:36 am

    Yes, that was Dr. Evil hiding his presumably super-Mini Me in his leather pants. In the second photo he shows that he can’t quite get the hang of dancing to “YMCA” while standing next to the ice cream truck he runs around in. Evil genius, indeed. More like evil nitwit.

  6. JennyMoon
    October 16, 2009 8:38 am

    OMG I am the same way with the whole kid birthday thing. My kids’ (yes both born in January – not good planning) birthdays are coming up and I am already dreading. I’m totally going to try to get away with your very well thought out plan! Love it!

  7. Monty
    October 16, 2009 8:40 am

    I’ll never stop loving it that Lamont is pointing at her muffintop, flaunting his special brand of mockery-by-penis.

  8. bluzdude
    October 16, 2009 8:42 am

    I always thought that birthday parties were things you got invited to at some other kid’s house.

    All we got was a cake, presents, and our pick of what’s for dinner. (and for earlier birthdays when we still lived in Pittsburgh, the same things at each grandparents house.) I always thought I had it made!

    Any future therapy was completely unrelated to birthdays. (unless you count the issue of how many of them started piling up.)

  9. Bojack
    October 16, 2009 8:48 am

    Speaking of alcohol, may I rave about one of the BESTEST deals in the Burgh? The fabulously restored and “don’t want to ever leave” comfort at the Hollywood Theatre in Dormont which is BYOB (beer & wine!!)

    $5, lots free parking, you can’t beat this with a pigeon-stick!!!

    Casablanca, in full dig restoration with pro sound on a rainy weekend afternoon??


  10. tehamy
    October 16, 2009 8:49 am

    We had the first birthday party madness at our house two weeks ago. Let me tell you, I never want to do it again. Does McDonalds still have birthday parties? If they do, that’s where we are going for his second birthday.

  11. Ant_041
    October 16, 2009 8:56 am

    I was thinking of Howie Mandel for the second guy, but I can see Daughtry too.

  12. laurenhbg
    October 16, 2009 9:12 am

    My fiance [who grew up in Western PA] told me my family was nuts [who is from Central PA] for the fact that we go out to eat for everyone’s birthday. He said the exact same thing bluzdude said – you got to pick what was made for dinner, one present if you were lucky, and Mom baked a cake. That’s it. Must be a W-PA thing.

  13. tw
    October 16, 2009 9:24 am

    Birthday ideas…for my girls (age 8) I let them each invite one special friend to dinner at a “Dave and Buster” like restaurant (kids eat and play arcade…we eat and relax) and then let the friend sleep over (kids love it…minimal prep work for me). For my son (age 4) we’ve done something similar but at Chuck e Cheese and let him invite two friends with no sleepover. That was super easy, he loved it, and it’s cheap since it only involved two extra kids. So there’s no real party but it’s more than just cake with the family.

  14. tw
    October 16, 2009 9:25 am

    Okay…for whatever reason it put a smiley face instead of the number eight in my post…hmmm. Sorry.

  15. Tim the Meatshield
    October 16, 2009 10:19 am

    Looks like Chris Daughtry is a big fan of Austin Powers. He’s totally got that Doctor Evil thing down.

    Also, the lingerie guy needs to get a grip. Begging for “please no spam” on your craigslist ad will be ignored just as much as your ad itself will be ignored by single women. Just sayin’.

  16. Ug Lee
    October 16, 2009 10:36 am

    Was that really a Rhino, or was it Scott Hartnell?

  17. Stephanie M
    October 16, 2009 11:14 am

    Daughtry wanna-be is wearing freaking leather pants. Nuff said.

  18. unsatisfied
    October 16, 2009 1:06 pm

    why do people act so surprised at animal attacks?

    to paraphrase chris rock, that rhino didn’t go crazy. that rhino went RHINO.

    speaking of crazy, why the hell didn’t you warn us about panning down the page and again seeing that monstrosity that is lamont? now, I have to go burn my eyes out. thanks.

  19. toni
    October 16, 2009 1:45 pm

    I, too, in the past had birthday mania…but…you are forgetting a mom’s revenge. All my children were born at lovely hours…like 3-4-5 in the morning. As I tell them gleefully as I ignore their shrieks while waking them at the EXACT hour of their birth on their “special” day…”You woke me once…I get to do this every year FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES!!!!!”

    Gives birthdays a new perspective…I LOVE them! :)

  20. Beth
    October 16, 2009 3:47 pm

    Who the frig asked for that Lamont pic again? I’ll kick their ass. And why, for the love of God, did you provide it?!!

  21. Willie Parker's Big Toe
    October 16, 2009 5:36 pm

    ouch…my eyes! I think Lamont has the same camel toe as the “lion” in Detroit. Ginny: please don’t do a side by side comparison even if “Beth” wants to see it. ;-)

  22. Linda
    October 16, 2009 8:17 pm

    And where IS Lamont? Did he lose out in the big newspaper cuts? I miss him so…

  23. chrys
    October 16, 2009 8:30 pm

    That picture of Lamont and his bent penis just kills me. I think I might have to use it as my screen saver. :P LOL!

  24. ChristinaMarie
    October 16, 2009 10:20 pm

    That guy looks almost exactly like Montel Williams. True story. Also, the phrase, “almost exactly” is a Pittsburgh (pronounced Yeetz-borough in Yiddish/Scottish combo) thing. You’re welcome.

  25. scottie
    October 18, 2009 11:07 am

    im pretty sure my kids will not have birthday celebrations…of course i did not, just like you ginny, and im a perfectly normal preachers kid living in bangkok! lol. an outing with the family eating or playing putt-putt, or attending a professional sports game is certainly good enough. no need to include other booger-eaters.

  26. red pen mama
    October 19, 2009 4:39 am

    huh. no birthday party per se. I never thought of that. Honest.

    We don’t go crazy (they are only to-be-5 and to-be-3) but I do end up with a bunch of (perfectly loverly) people at my house (family mostly) while I wonder when everyone will leave.

    I like your idea.